Son,

... fat, drunk and stupid is no way to go through life.

That being said, Georgia has the dubious distinction of being the 46th dumbest, and 12 fattest, state in the country. YA-HOOOOO! Oh, and we're getting poorer and sicker, too.



"Ya want some gofer, Everett?"

According to the Trust for America's Health, here's how we southerners rank amongst the rest of the country...

INSIDE TODAY: Fat sure knows how to say y'all
Holy Grits, Fatman. The nationwide problem of being overweight has a distinct Southern accent. A national health report released Tuesday finds eight of the 10 fattest states are in the South. A7 (teaser)

1. Mississippi ..........29.5 percent
2. Alabama ..............28.7 percent
3. West Virginia ........28.6 percent
4. Louisiana ............27.4 percent
5. Kentucky..............26.7 percent
6. Tennessee ............26.6 percent
7. Arkansas..............26.4 percent
8. (tie) Indiana ........26.2 percent
8. (tie) South Carolina..26.2 percent
10. Texas................25.8 percent
11. Michigan ............25.6 percent
12. Georgia..............25.5 percent
Source: Trust for America's Health

Must be all those chitlins, hamhocks, and collards swimming in backfat. Yum. Actually, I have no idea what a 'chitlin' is and something tells me I don't want to know. I've probably dissected one in biology class, but I don't want to know what it looks like covered in gravy on a dinner plate.



"Stupid is as Stupid Does"

Top 5 States and their average SAT scores (the highest you can get is 2400)?


1. North Dakota: 1815

2. Iowa: 1806

3. Illinois: 1786

4. South Dakota: 1772

5. (tie) Minnesota and Wisconsin: 1765

Now, I can understand why North and South Dakota are so high. First, they only have about 25 people under the age of 78 in the State. Second, those 25 folks have about a 1:1 student:teacher ratio. Minnesota and Wisconsin are high because it's so fucking cold, kids don't have anything else to do while they sit inside watching the blizzard snowfall. In Iowa, studying is better than farming and there's $$$$ in Illinois.

Now for the lemming nitwits:

46. Georgia: 1477

47. Pennsylvania: 1476

48. Florida: 1473

49. South Carolina: 1465

50. Hawaii: 1463


Hell, I could have scored a 1477 with a bottle of Jack and half a dozen qualudes. Don't ask me about Pennsylvania. Too many braincells killed in coalmines, maybe.

Of course, the new SAT has an added essay, which Gov. Perdue used to try to explain the low scores. However, since Georgia is now number forty-SIXTH and not forty-NINTH, he's touting it as a major victory and a great reason to re-elect him.

However, Sonny is also responsible for sending Georgia to the eighth highest group of folks that are uninsured. This along with our spiked poverty rate means the right-wing nutcases are doing what they promised. Elimate the poor and middle class through illness and stupidity, increase the wealthy base by eliminating taxes for the rich. Ahhhhhh, utopia!

Why We Pay $3.00 for a Gallon of Gas

Yeah, this really chaps my ass (thanks to Z-man for sending this)

Dubai, United Arab Emerates

Construction Phase:










Construction Complete (notice the scale by checking the palm trees)




Remember, this is in the middle of the desert.... The very HOT desert where temperatures get up to 120 degrees....






Now for a look inside...
























Why do we pay three bucks a gallon for gas? So these nimrod bastards can fucking ski in the desert. I shit you not. It's not like they don't have the cash to go to Aspen or Stowe or even the Alps. Of course, I guess we're the lemming dipshits since we're the ones paying them to play.

Un-fucking-believable.

Pictures and Whatnot

This is one of the first monochromatic photographs published in the National Geographic. I love this style of photography. Yeah, I also love the fact that this is a picture of one of my most favourite places, Southern France.


Now for something completely different...



This is another reason why Communists should be shot in the face. There was a big rabies scare in China earlier this month. By "big", I mean about 50 people came down with the disease. The Communist answer: Kill every dog you can find. No, I don't mean a lethal-injection-kill, I mean, bash-the-fucking-skull-in-with-a-stick-kill. According to the AP, the Chinese have killed over 50,000 animals. Officers have been seen snatching dogs out of owners yards, tricking the dogs out of homes and then beating them to death.

This level of blatant stupidity simply chaps my ass raw.



And onto happier thoughts:

I want to take one of these



and sail around these



Right now I'm going it alone, but I may have hooked a friend from the north to go with me. My lure included reminding her that she wouldn't have to spend Thanksgiving with one of her sisters - who she's about to kill, we haven't hung out in over a year, and since she's a jewelry designer, she could get inspiration on the trip (OK, that one could be a stretch, but I'm desperate). Another friend said I should put in an ad in MySpace, but I don't think that's such a great idea on a number of levels - I can just see myself tooling around the Caribbean with a psycho-killer.



On another note:
There is an awesome morpholution in this month's Vanity Fair. Check it out at vanityfair.com and scroll to the bottom of the page.


Also, there is a photo essay containing pictures not previously published from 9-11. Still really raw stuff like


The juxtaposition of this particular photo is truly creepy.


Of course, since 9-11 was started by Al Qaida and everyone knows Al Qaida and Saddam are in bed together we were completely justified in invading a soveriegn country, right Georgie?

From yesterday's press conference:

BUSH: Imagine what the world would be like with him in power. The idea is to try to help change the Middle East.

Now look, part of the reason we went into Iraq was -- the main reason we went into Iraq, at the time, was we thought he had weapons of mass destruction. It turns out he didn't, but he had the capacity to make weapons of mass destruction.

But I also talked about the human suffering in Iraq. And I also saw the need to advance a freedom agenda. And so my answer to your question is that -- imagine a world in which Saddam Hussein was there, stirring up even more trouble in a part of the world that had so much resentment and so much hatred that people came and killed 3,000 of our citizens.

(and Georgie isn't stirring up trouble? Sorry, my own interjection, there)

You know, I've heard this theory about, you know, everything was just fine until we arrived and -- you know, the stir-up-the-hornet's- nest theory. It just doesn't hold water, as far as I'm concerned.

The terrorists attacked us and killed 3,000 of our citizens before we started the freedom agenda in the Middle East. They were ...

QUESTION: What did Iraqi have to do with that?

BUSH: What did Iraq have to do with what?

QUESTION: The attacks upon the World Trade Center.

BUSH: Nothing. Except for it's part of -- and nobody's ever suggested in this administration that Saddam Hussein ordered the attack. Iraq was a -- Iraq -- the lesson of September the 11th is: Take threats before they fully materialize, Ken.


Hmmmm, me thinks I remember a conversation Dick had with Tim Russert on Sept 8, 2002

VICE PRES. CHENEY: Well, I want to be very careful about how I say this. I’m not here today to make a specific allegation that Iraq was somehow responsible for 9/11. I can’t say that. On the other hand, since we did that interview, new information has come to light. And we spent time looking at that relationship between Iraq, on the one hand, and the al-Qaeda organization on the other. And there has been reporting that suggests that there have been a number of contacts over the years. We’ve seen in connection with the hijackers, of course, Mohamed Atta, who was the lead hijacker, did apparently travel to Prague on a number of occasions. And on at least one occasion, we have reporting that places him in Prague with a senior Iraqi intelligence official a few months before the attack on the World Trade Center. The debates about, you know, was he there or wasn’t he there, again, it’s the intelligence business.

We in the Deep South refer to this as a "doggie on a hardwood".

As usual, I couldn't watch the idiot's press gig yesterday and I could barely choke through the transcript this morning. What a load of shit. He should just keep his flap shut. The dipshit even said the feds have given $100 BILLION to Katrina victims. Looks like Ray Nagin will be on Meet the Press Sunday to say something to the contrary.

Speaking of TV - the final episode of Meerkat Manor comes on Friday, followed by a brand new Bill Maher. Works for my loser-ass self.


And back to happier items...

Ahhhh



Time to get off my ass and go for a 5 miler. I've done enough blogging this morning to earn my paycheck. Gotta love those taxpayer dollars hard at work.

Enough to Make a Vegetarian Puke

From the BBC: A protester campaigns for animal rights by appearing as a pack of human meat outside stores in Covent Garden, London.

This is Me After Too Many Margaritas

Buenos Noches.

Why? 'Cause the Shit is Cute, Godammit

Procrastination at it's Best

This - my blog - is my last attempt to prolong the inevitable - I have to finish the restoration of my living room and hallway. If it weren't for the megadeath fumes from the paint stripper (oh, and the work), I wouldn't mind so much. Actually it's not the work, it's just the anxiety to see the finished product. Then again, its been three months since I replaced the front door and I'm just now getting to the moulding (and thanks to my crap plaster work, there will be plenty of moulding). So there's the perfect contridiction. Needless to say, everything is a slide puzzle around here. I have to finish the front door so I can move shit from the den into the living room, then I have to finish the hallway so I have places to store the shit that's in the dining room (previously displaced into said dining room to finish said hallway). Then I really have to break out the paint stripper. T-H-R-E-E door frames and T-H-R-E-E big windows. I'm actually pricing replacing the windows first. Better to replace the windows before you do an assload of plaster work. Unlike the rest of my house - front door for example. Lesson learned. I also have to get started on the rewire. Looks like there's a cool audio stereo system that will work well in the house. So I have to price that and throw it into my estimate. Well worth it!

Anyway, I have tried everything possible to procrastinate finishing these little projects, likely because it will mean I actually met a milestone in my little project called Spanky. This is not to say there aren't future things in the works - especially building out the west side, tearing out the kitchen wall, building a bathroom downstairs... ah, long story and blogging about restoring your house is as pathetic as catblogging.

One of my diversions was the Sunday AJC. I get a lot of good stuff from the Atlanta Urinal-Constipation.

Some crumbles from today:

----A former El Al security expert says the only way you can keep undesirables off planes is with profiling, not technology. Leo Gleser, a former sky marshal and El Al secruity officer said, "Your behavior is different when you know this is your last day". Interesting, it ain't about profiling for race, nationality, or any of that shit. It really does come down to body language and behaviour! Sadly, though, if this is true ATL is still screwed. Do you honestly think we have CITY workers capable of attaining this level of education and talent?

----BP just went on my EatShitList. Aside from the fact that they can't - or don't - perfom preventive maintenance on their equipment and infrastructure is obscene. I work at Georgia Tech and we've had a more efficient PM program than this for a decade. The difference being we serve 25 thousand people and we have an operating budget of around 8 million. BP/AMOCO serves ---how many million ---- and their folks bring home ---- how many billion? Then I get a letter in the mail that says I can no longer pay my bill electronically through my bank. They will send me a paper bill . Well, that won't work because I prefer the ease of paying online and if BP and Bank of America had some falling-out, why should I have to write out a check, buy stamps, and find a mailbox because of it. When I called to pay over the phone, I was going to get charged EIGHT dollars. Now, it's not about the money, it's about, well... the money. Why the hell should BP get any extra money from me just because they don't have online payment anymore? Blah, blah... more catblogging.

Berlin has agreed to a 51 million dollar proposal to protect what's left of the Berlin Wall. This is a good thing. I can understand why folks, who lived through the Cold War, would want it down, but this really does represent mistakes that were made and without those reminders we're destined to repeat that history. I remember that day in October when I was sitting in front of the TV and saw those images of the Wall coming down. I went to Berlin about 6 months after that and got a piece of it. I bet there are a bunch of folks out there with little chunks of the Wall.

Speaking of historic mistakes, what the hell are we doing in the the Middle East? What are we not doing in Africa...? Ah, fuck it - it's Sunday morning and not a good time for a rant.


Global warming hoax: Georgia's estuaries are dying and creating a 70 percent increase in the jellyfish population. I hate fucking jellyfish, little bastards hurt like hell, and sadly this is NOT a hoax.

The travel section has a headline for a different type of vacation: Renting a houseboat. Considering this is what I want to be living on in a year of so, why not test drive it first? The only problem is this particular package is in Minnesota. Not real interested in Minnesota, perse, I would rather just learn how to live on one.

Cynthia McKenney LOST. That was unbelievable. We shall see what happens with that district. The rumour is the victory went to a guy who she says is backed by local Republicans. OK, whatever, at least he hasn't punched out a security guard - yet. Lieberman got served, too. As Jon Stewart said, "So you're for example, a respected, three-term sitting senator who was once his party's vice presidential nominee. The list of things that you would need to do to lose your party's primary starts with strangling a kitten in front of childern in wheelchairs and gets worse from there." (My tea went up the schnaza reading that one.)

99X and Park Tavern are hosting a free concert tonight (Unplugged in the Park). It's an acoustic gig under at tent at the Tavern. The feature artist tonight is Blue October, my current favourite band. I heard over 3,500 people showed up to see Pete Yorn last week, but I still have tenative plans to go to this. It should be interesting. These free shows generally attract folks about 15 years my junior and 3,500 20-somethings is a lot of for a tent. Also, considering the first two opening acts don't start until 7 and 8, my band won't come on until 10ish at best - and that's just about my Sunday nighty-night time. Also, there is NO parking at Piedmont and no real public transit from here, so I have to park at Tech and walk about 15 blocks - hey, MOM, remember Paris 2000?

Also in the news: Happy Belated Birthday to #1 Baby Bro and #2 Baby Anna-Banana who both got a year wiser on August 10. Sounds like Missy was able to pull off the surprise! Congratulations!

And lastly, in the AJC: This from the Vent, "My wife is a real slut. She got pregnant two months after I had the vasectomy I didn't tell her about". OUCH.

Well, the dryer just buzzed, I'm out of wittiness, and I have the hopeful exuberance of someone about to lose her last remaining brain cells thanks to paint stripper and 100-year old heart-of-pine. WEEEEEE! Actually, it shouldn't be so bad today. Mother Nature decided to give us a break and it will only get to 84 and overcast. Nice to have the windows open and get breezes.

It's the Heat, Dumbass

Mikey...




Now, if you don't believe in global warming, you simply are a dumbass.




My arch-nemisis, Southern Company, is filled with them.

From this week's Creative Loafing...

"Oil, mainly in the form of gasoline, is the largest source of the United States' carbon dioxide emissions. But coal is a close second -- and releases more carbon dioxide per unit of energy than does any fossil fuel. Millions of Southerners burn gasoline. But, in the region, one corporation burns much of the coal: Southern Co."





Here's a neat little comparison



vs.

and


No wonder, Georgie doesn't believe in global warming.

Read the whole thing at www.atlanta.creativeloafing.com It just really burns my ass - pardon the pun.

If You're Into Math Problems...

Question:

A Backhoe weighing 8 tons is on top of a flatbed trailer and heading east on Interstate 70 near Hays, Kansas.

The extended shovel arm is made of hardened refined steel and the approaching overpass is made of commercial-grade concrete, reinforced with 1 ½ inch steel rebar spaced at 6 inch intervals in a criss-cross pattern layered at 1 foot vertical spacing.


Solve: When the shovel arm hits the overpass, how fast do you have to be going to slice the bridge in half? (Assume no effect for headwind and no braking by the driver...)


Extra Credit: Solve for the time and distance required for the entire rig to come to a complete stop after hitting the overpass at the speed calculated above. Yes, you can neglect friction...


Think hard.


Get out the calculator and think outside the box.

Do you have the answer, yet?


Well, I fucking hate math problem but MAN, I love the visual aides!











Looks like somebody mighta lost his CDL...

"The Etiquette King"

Bush Blair Gaffe G8



Never mind you can't understand what the commentator is saying, just watch this baffoon eat. Good God, I'm surprised his elbows aren't on the table and he doesn't crank out a big belch before you actually hears what he says.

Dear Former Employer,

With all due respect, E-A-T M-E!

Tech finally found the perfect pooch to screw... freshmen. AND, they made the FRONT PAGE of the AJC.

What girlfriend said 13 years ago still stands true, "what goes around comes around".

http://www.ajc.com/metro/content/metro/atlanta/stories/0802mettech.html