His Holiness, My Buddy

Yessir, that's right, JP was my buddy. Or at least that's what Uncle used to call him since I'm one of the few Catholics left in the family. I don't think you have to be Catholic to appreciate what he did for this world, however, gere is a great article about John Paul II and his contribution to our world as we know it (you political pundits out there will enjoy this as well.) It's kind of long, but read it if you can.

I do, however, take exception to the idea that John Paul II was a conservative. In most of our views, he was a liberal because he was constantly being told to reverse most of the doctrines of the Second Vatican Council that met in 1963, but he refused stating the new dogma was needed to ensure we move forward into the 21st century.

I think, too, that enlight of what we have discovered - or rediscovered - regarding Jesus, Mary Magdalene, John, and others that the Pope could have softened a bit on his views regarding women in the Priesthood and most definately, the issue of contraception, especially in the AIDS infected third world. In this sense, it's not so much about contraception as immunization.

I haven't been able to write much about the loss of the Pope, because he's the only Pope I've ever known (I was nine when he was elected.) John Paul was definately a lion in a lamb suit.


> > Gary North's REALITY CHECK
> >
> >Issue 435 April 5, 2005
> >
> >
> > WHAT I LEARNED FROM JOHN PAUL II
> >
> > I shall leave it to other columnists to comment on the
> >profound impact of John Paul II on our times. I am content
> >to confine myself to comments on what I learned from his
> >ministry.
> >
> >
> >THE INESCAPABLE INFLUENCE OF THE UNPREDICTABLE
> >
> > Robert Burns's phrase about the best-laid plans of
> >mice and men often going awry is illustrated better by John
> >Paul II's career than anyone in my era. Only one other
> >figure comes close: Deng Xiao Ping. The best-laid plans
> >can come to naught in an amazingly short period of time.
> >
> > The year 1978 was a year of expected caretakers. In
> >March, Deng Xiao Ping had become the undisputed leader of
> >Communist China. At age 74, he seemed old: probably a
> >caretaker. The National People's Congress decided to go
> >with a safe bet: age.
> >
> > Pope Paul VI died in early August. He had overseen
> >the transformation of the Roman Catholic Church. The death
> >of John XXIII in 1963, after Vatican II had begun, left to
> >Paul VI the task of overseeing the sessions and
> >implementing them. This he did. The Church changed more
> >under his administration in 15 years than had taken place
> >in the previous 500 years -- maybe 1,000. It moved
> >decisively in a liberal/modernist direction.
> >
> > The election of John Paul I took place in one day of
> >the Conclave in late August, 1978. There is no doubt in my
> >mind that a Conclave that brief indicates pre-Conclave
> >agreement regarding a short list of candidates before the
> >cardinals were locked in their room (which is what
> >"conclave" means). John Paul I was to be a caretaker Pope.
> >He immediately took the names of his two predecessors,
> >indicating his commitment to extend Vatican II. Thirty-
> >three days later, he died.
> >
> > There are lots of really choice conspiracy theories
> >about his death. My favorite has to do with the secret
> >Masonic brotherhood, P2, and its connection to the
> >unfolding Bank Ambrosia scandal. Do I actually believe he
> >was murdered? There is insufficient evidence to persuade
> >me. (The standard book on this non-standard theory is
> >David Yallop's "In God's Name." The fictional account is
> >the novel by Malachi Martin, "Vatican.")
> >
> > Whatever the cause of his death, no conspiracy theory
> >has come close to explaining the outcome: the election of a
> >Polish Pope and what followed next.
> >
> > The Conclave that elected John Paul II took three
> >days. There are no notes published after a Conclave.
> >There are no leaks during it. Silence prevails. So,
> >theories about what went on are without verifiable support.
> >The duration indicates that there had been a short list.
> >Wojtyla was probably on the previous short list. I say
> >this because there had been little time for pre-Conclave
> >politicking. The cardinals had barely arrived home by the
> >time John Paul I died.
> >
> > Wojtyla took the name John Paul II. This was the
> >equivalent of calling Wilt Chamberlain "Wilt the Shrimp."
> >
> > Consider the next 14 months after John Paul II's election
> >in October.
> >
> > In December, Deng announced the agricultural reform
> >that transferred land ownership to farmers. That marked
> >the beginning of the capitalist revolution in Red China.
> >He lived long enough to implement his economic reforms. He
> >died in 1997. We see the results of that revolution in
> >every Wal-Mart and in every report on the U.S. trade
> >deficit.
> >
> > January, 1979: the Shah of Iran abdicated and fled
> >Iran. Khomeini took over.
> >
> > On May 3, Margaret Thatcher was elected Prime Minister
> >of Great Britain. She was to serve longer than any Prime
> >Minister in 150 years: 11 years. Under her administration,
> >much of the system of government-owned monopolies was
> >privatized.
> >
> > On June 2, John Paul II arrived in Poland and began a
> >series of public meetings that drew millions of visitors.
> >This was the beginning of the end of Communism in Poland.
> >The Solidarity movement began within a year. Poland's ex-
> >Communist tyrant, Gen. Jaruzelski, later said that this was
> >the central event in the toppling of Communism in Central
> >Europe. Gorbachev, when out of power, agreed.
> >
> > Late June: OPEC announced a 50% hike in the price of
> >oil. Jimmy Carter went into defensive mode economically.
> >
> > November 4: Iranian mobs captured the U.S. Embassy in
> >Tehran. Jimmy Carter went into defensive mode militarily.
> >
> > In December, the Soviet Union invaded Afghanistan.
> >This marked the beginning of a decade of bloodletting that
> >culminated in 1989 with the withdrawal of Soviet troops
> >and, within two years, the disintegration of the USSR.
> >
> > None of this was remotely visible in October, 1978.
> >
> > So far, I haven't mentioned Ronald Reagan.
> >
> > We know the phrase, "seize the moment." Pope John
> >Paul II not only seized the moment, he seized the next
> >quarter century. For someone officially in charge or an
> >organization that large, seizing a quarter century is no
> >small accomplishment.
> >
> >
> >NOTHING LEFT TO LOSE
> >
> > Alexandr Solzhenitsyn was the other figure of the
> >twentieth century who rivaled Pope John Paul II in undermining
> >Soviet authority by the power of his words. He, even more
> >than the Pope, made painful and embarrassing any support of
> >the Soviets by Western intellectuals, too many of whom had
> >become early admirers of Stalin and then his successors
> >until "The Gulag Archipelago" finally undermined them in
> >the mid-1970s. He wrote of his decade in the Soviet
> >concentration camps that this experience saved him. The
> >camps took everything material away from him. He had
> >nothing left to lose. Outside the camps, victims of
> >Communist oppression clung to a few possessions and
> >conformed in order to keep what little they owned. By
> >being stripped of everything, Solzhenitsyn said, he avoided
> >this fate.
> >
> > By the time Wojtyla was 21, every member of his
> >immediate family had died. The Nazis had invaded Poland
> >when he was 19. He began as a student for the priesthood
> >in a clandestine seminary. He was ordained in 1946, to
> >begin life under the Communists. He was in opposition from
> >the beginning.
> >
> > He was trained by a consummate anti-totalitarian,
> >Stefan Wyszynsky (pronounced, ironically, "Vishinski" --
> >just like the Soviet foreign minister), the primate of
> >Poland, who became a cardinal in 1953 and was immediately
> >put under house arrest for over three years. Wyszynsky
> >served as president of Vatican II in 1962. Wojtyla learned
> >how to survive under a rival bureaucracy that also claimed
> >universal authority, eschatological inevitability, and the
> >infallibility of its supreme council.
> >
> > He had no family to terrorize, no possessions to
> >confiscate. "What's a tyranny to do?" He went into
> >opposition and remained in opposition until there was
> >nothing left of worldwide Communism to oppose.
> >
> > The nothing-left strategy is not open to most men most
> >of the time. But it is what is required of a dedicated few
> >in times of moral confrontation. Mentally, you have to
> >surrender it in advance in order to preserve any of it in a
> >time of life-and-death confrontation. Jesus said: "He that
> >findeth his life shall lose it: and he that loseth his life
> >for my sake shall find it" (Matthew 10:39).
> >
> > Of all Catholic nations that had been in opposition to
> >totalitarianism longest, Poland was it in 1978. So, when
> >the Conclave chose Wojtyla, it chose the man most suited
> >for a long-term confrontation.
> >
> > The Western media have identified his strategy of
> >resistance with respect to Communism. This strategy was
> >also visible in his open confrontations in Latin America in
> >the 1980s. His opponents were priests who had joined the
> >liberation theology movement. That movement sank on the
> >Good Ship Marx after 1991, to the dismay of seminary
> >professors, Protestant and Catholic, around the world.
> >
> > We do not yet know the outcome of his strategy of
> >opposition with respect to his steady, quiet, non-headline-
> >grabbing undermining of the social liberals in the Church's
> >hierarchy.
> >
> >
> >STICK TO YOUR KNITTING
> >
> > John Paul II was the second-longest reigning Pope
> >after Pius IX (1846-1878), the Pope of Vatican I (1870).
> >
> > Under his reign, he appointed well over 100 cardinals.
> >Of the 117 eligible to vote (those under age 80), he
> >appointed all but three.
> >
> > In his 1987 book, "The Jesuits," former Jesuit Malachi
> >Martin discussed Romanita. Romanita is the ability to
> >outlast your competition. There are always factions in any
> >bureaucracy, and there is no bureaucracy with a longer
> >tradition or more factions in the West than the Roman
> >Catholic Church. The faction that provides the longest-
> >lasting survivors in any battle wins the next phase of the
> >war.
> >
> > Pius IX was a conservative. Until John XXIII reversed
> >this tradition, it held firm. Yet it was visibly on the
> >defensive within a decade of the death of Pius XII in 1958.
> >
> > I have little sense of the details of John Paul II's
> >philosophy. As for his theology, it is clear that he
> >upheld traditional Catholic views regarding the virgin
> >Mary. This outlook was the product of his years in Poland
> >and also the assassination attempt. He had moved
> >unpredictably just before he was shot, looking more closely
> >at a Sacred Heart emblem worn by a little girl. (This is
> >reported in Martin's book, "The Keys of This Blood.")
> >
> > Everyone knows his social views: no female priests, no
> >abortion, no contraception devices, no homosexuality.
> >Also, it should be added, no war. On abortion, he voiced
> >his opposition to the policy of Clinton. On war, he voiced
> >his opposition to the policies of Clinton and both Bushes.
> >
> > Year after year, appointment after appointment, he
> >wove a tapestry of traditionalism. It will take a
> >concerted effort on the part of liberals to reweave this
> >tapestry. In the seminaries, they have more than a
> >foothold. They have control. The Pope did not
> >excommunicate entire seminary faculties. To get a sense of
> >what I am talking about, click here:
> >
> > http://tinyurl.com/4jw7h
> >
> > He did not resign, although the American media kept
> >running interviews with liberal Catholics who thought he
> >should. He grew old and infirm before our eyes. He did
> >not hide what was happening to his body. He was reduced at
> >the end to silence, unable to speak in any of the eight
> >languages he spoke. But he did not hide from the cameras.
> >
> > If ever there was a man whose career said "No
> >retirement," it was his. He stayed on the job until the
> >end. It was not a bitter end, but it was painful.
> >
> >
> >WHEN YOU'VE GOT IT, USE IT
> >
> > Has any man worked the mass media better, longer?
> >
> > He got in front of the cameras, and there he stayed
> >for 26 years.
> >
> > One interviewee revealed that when the Pope first met
> >with members of the press, when the interview was over, he
> >stood up and walked around the room full of reporters to
> >shake hands. This was unheard of. They had expected to be
> >allowed to file past him, one by one.
> >
> > He had a unique skill. He exercised his ability as
> >Pope to go directly to the people -- the first Pope in
> >history to do this internationally. He made 103 trips
> >outside of Italy to some 120 countries. No other figure
> >has ever toured a reported 120 countries in front of TV
> >cameras.
> >
> > No one has ever drawn the crowds that he did. So, the
> >media had to show up. So, the crowds kept getting larger.
> >By 1995, an estimated seven million showed up to see him in
> >Manila -- the largest crowd in man's recorded history.
> >
> > He had a unique ability to capture attention. He used
> >it for all it was worth.
> >
> > The media reported that he had been an amateur actor
> >early in his career. This was not said in derision.
> >Another former actor, also known for his ability to handle
> >the media, received more criticism for his similar
> >background. In both cases, the public responded favorably.
> >
> >
> >CONCLUSION
> >
> > Deng, an old man in 1978, was not expected to do much.
> >The twenty-first century already looks back at what he did
> >and marvels.
> >
> > Brezhnev, a doddering old man in 1979, launched a war
> >in Afghanistan that brought down the USSR a decade later.
> >This caretaker failed to take care.
> >
> > John Paul I, another expected caretaker, did not
> >remain on the job long enough to fulfill his expected role.
> >
> > The Shah of Iran, a caretaker of Western oil, did not
> >stay on the job.
> >
> > Pope John Paul II knew that a resistance strategy was
> >suitable in 1978. He publicly issued traditional
> >encyclicals, while maintaining absolute mastery of the
> >media -- a skill also possessed by Mrs. Thatcher and Ronald
> >Reagan.
> >
> > What blindsided liberals after 1978 was the ability of
> >conservatives to commandeer the media to extend their
> >agendas. Liberals had long assumed that their control over
> >the media was unbreakable. They believed that they could
> >set the agenda. The best-laid plans. . . .
> >
> > In each case, what had been expected by the various
> >establishments did not come to pass.
> >
> > I am reminded of the words of my teacher, Robert
> >Nisbet, in the closing words of a June, 1968 essay in
> >"Commentary."
> >
> > What the future-predictors, the change-analysts,
> > and trend-tenders say in effect is that with the
> > aid of institute resources, computers, linear
> > programming, etc. they will deal with the kinds
> > of change that are not the consequence of the
> > Random Event, the Genius, the Maniac, and the
> > Prophet. To which I can only say: there really
> > aren't any; not any worth looking at anyhow.
> >
> >

>
>


--

I'm Outta Here!!!!!

Holy Shit. After almost eleven years, I am leaving the Depatment of Housing. It's amazing and I still don't think it has hit me yet. I'm actually the luckiest person on the planet since I will be staying at Tech (and keeping my retirement), but I'm working for the absolute nicest person on the planet AND he got me a 7.5% pay increase.

My only trouble now is how do I keep from telling the assholes in this deparment to kiss my ass blue?

What the hell is it going to be like not to be stressed all the time?

When Will the Catholics Just Shut UP?

Yeah, yeah. I said it and I'll say it again, "Shut up, you arrogant, belligerent fools!” I guess I shouldn’t pigeon-hole the Catholics (after all, I am one), so please extend my request to anyone who believes they know more than God and is trying to puke their ideology out on everyone else - yup, I'm talkin' about all you neo-ultra-rightwinged-dumbass-conservative Christians who think they're the best friend of Mrs. Terry Schiavo and know what is going on in her useless brain.

Oh yeah, and I'd like to remind everyone that this country was founded on a principle of three distinct, SEPARATE, branches of government. Now, let's say them together:

#1 J-U-D-I-C-I-A-L

#2 L-E-G-I-S-L-A-T-I-V-E

AND

#3 E-X-E-C-U-T-I-V-E

Just in case anyone needs an example of each, try this:

#1 Judicial - These are the courts that said Terry Schiavo should have the right to discontinue her feeding tube and pass away in what's left of a state of grace.

#2 Legislative - This would be the stupid-ass, busy-body, meddeling Congress who completely overstepped their bounds and wrote a law called the "Schiavo Law" to prevent her feeding tube from being removed. A note here: Does anyone remember a time when Congress took less that two months to pass any law? Well, they did this one in about two hours.

and, last but not least...

#3 Executive - That's right, your buddy and mine, Junior George. He actually cut his vacation short (for the first time in his presidency) to come back to DC and sign the above mentioned new legislation.

What is driving this total abomination of our constitutional emancipation? Yup, the aforementioned neo-ultra-rightwinged-dumbass-conservative Christians. And since when has George Bush given a shit about someone's right to live - unless of course, that someone happens to be a zygote. Bush once again has proved himself a mighty two-facer:

"In 1999, then-Gov. Bush signed the Advance Directives Act, which lets a patient's surrogate make life-ending decisions on his or her behalf. The measure also allows Texas hospitals to disconnect patients from life-sustaining systems if a physician, in consultation with a hospital bioethics committee, concludes that the patient's condition is hopeless." - (http://www.twincities.com/mld/twincities/news/politics/11195230.htm)

The difference??? Glad you asked. The case in point above was a veggie-head who didn't have insurance. Schiavo - via Catholic Mamma and Pappa - have duckies AND insurance. Hmmmmmm, me thinks even the Pope would have a problem with that.

Incidentally, this horseshit about her "possibly regaining consciousness" and "she's starving to death" and "she can hear me" is ALL that: Horseshit. It doesn't take a rocket scientist to research what 15 minutes of no oxygen to the brain does to you. It also isn't too difficult to understand that Terry has been a veggie-head for 15 - count 'em folks FIFTEEN years. I was 20 when this chick tried to kill herself via anorexia. That being said, has anyone ever pondered the irony? Fifteen years ago, Terry Schiavo wanted to die and was so emaciated from years of starving herself that her brain shut down. Now everyone wants to force feed her???

Bottom line: This is something that should have never reached the level it has. Fifteen years ago, doctors should have let her die in peace. Now her parents are going to piss away even more of my tax dollars to ask our Supreme Court to "save" her life. What kinda life was that? Can you say, "GARDEN NOODLE"?

And one more thought: Seriously consider the consequences of Congress stepping in and essentially overthrowing a State's court decision. What's next? Hmmmm, considering it's in-line with this "right to life" bullshit - I bet Roe vs. Wade is next on the docket. I wonder, if I ever get convicted of a crime, should I by-pass the appeals process and go right to my Senator?

And Without Further Ado....

I present to you, Monsieur Cutie-Pie, Ewan...



He gonna be a hottie in 20 years, you can just tell.


Here's one where he looks just like his Papa after a few too many shots of saki in Hong Kong with Baby Bro...



A cutie nonetheless. Must have Mama's genes.

Just kidding. Congratulations again to Ludo and Anne.

I Just KNEW it!

Check out this little ditty from today's AJC. It just goes to show that when you get thrust into the spotlight, amazingly enough, so does all your crap. This is some of the dirt the AJC has dug up on Ms. "I'm born again, Ashley Smith"... Oh yeah, and she's from my hometown of Augusta. The shame of it.

"That record starts with a 1996 shoplifting conviction in Richmond County, when Ashley was 16. At 18, she was found guilty of two counts of possessing alcohol as a minor. At 23 she was arrested twice for speeding, once while DUI and the other with a suspended license.

Because she didn't complete earlier requirements of her misdemeanor convictions, at 24 she faced a probation violation. Later, she completed those obligations and got her driver's license back, her aunt said.

At 25, Smith was arrested and charged with assaulting her mother's ex-husband, Larry Croft. The charges were dropped, her aunt said. And Croft appeared on television Monday to vouch for his stepdaughter's character.

When Smith was 23, her husband Daniel "Mac" McFarland Smith Jr., 27, was stabbed to death outside an Augusta apartment complex on Aug. 18, 2001. Ashley Smith's family said he was killed by old friends in retaliation for his friendship with a neighbor who was an undercover drug agent.

Columbia County sheriff's Capt. Steve Morris said the death resulted from a melee of 12 to 15 people who began fighting each other with fists, bats, sticks, glass, knives and pipes. Many witnesses were gone by the time police got there.

"We have so far been unable to develop enough evidence for a prosecution," Morris said Monday. "We have one suspect that we have enough on to arrest, but not enough to prosecute."




But, like her aunt said, "Ashley is like other people who have a sordid past and found the Lord. It's not what you've done but what you do from now on."

So, do you think she and the Fulton County prosecutor are going to have the same opinion about Brian Nichols?

Bienvenu, Ewan!

Welcome to this world, Little Man, Ewan.

You are my first nephew and the one reason my French and Amercian family is so happy. Mark this day, March 10, 2005 as the day a new ray of sun shone down on Earth.

Oh ma-Gawwwwwdddd!

I flicked on "Larry King" last night because the King of Interviews was supposed to be speaking with various different folks involved with the Brian Nichols incident(s) over the past weekend (more on this later). However, the illustrious Mr. King was not there and instead...

was hosting.

This is a twit named, Nancy Grace. She is some sort of attorney who was pretending to be a TV host for Mr. Larry King. Hell, she was pretending to be a journalist, period. Let me tell you something. Just because lawyers are trained to learn vast vocabulary words does not unequivocally give them the ability to host a TV show or don a journalist's cap. As possessor of a degree in communication, I will tell you that there are several rules journalists have that attorneys do not. For one, morals. That's right, morals (don't get me wrong, Sparky, I'm not talking ethics here - only veternarians and day care teachers can count themselves as ethical). Another thing, journalists have to be NEUTRAL - the polar opposite of a lawyer.

This twit, Grace, all but rolled her eyes and say, "Fry the Bastard" on primetime TV. Now, I have my own opinion about Mr. Nichols and I will say it is not shared by a large number of the Southern Red majority. When I read the first Commandment, I take it literally and apply it to everyone - not just the folks I'm having over for Christmas supper. Regardless, nobody knows all the facts of this case - by any means - and none of us should be jumping to conclusions about how it should be handled and how the payment should be rendered for those guilty parties.

Needless to say, I had to write the following little ditty to Mr. Turner (that would be The Ted)...

Dear Mr. Turner,

Please advise the schedulers for "The Larry King Show" that hosts should conduct themselves in a manner befitting a professional journalist. Ms. Nancy Grace, who I had the distinct displeasure of seeing on your Sunday show (regarding Mr. Nichols), was unequivocally the worst news journalist/host I have ever heard. I therefore must protest that if she is to don a host's hat again, it would hopefully, rightfully, be on on Fox TV.

Ms. Grace violated the one true characteristic of a professional journalist - neutrality. From the moment she opened her mouth until the end of the show, her contempt for Mr. Nichols and the entire situation was painfully obvious. At times, she interjected sarcasm and bitter intonation to hint at her opinions. Her word choice and language was so unmistakenly juvenille and her accent so blatantly recognizable as to suggest an education based at a South Alabama seaside shanty.

Please, Sir, find another substitute for Mr. King if the occasion should arise that he cannot take the microphone. As a true, proud Southerner, you do us a great disservice by producing a woman possessing such meager professional ability.

I ask you... if you happen to see her on another show, impersonating a professional journalist, write in and demand she go back to the courtroom - and maybe even the classroom.

NOW, for my ubiquitous, omnipotent opinion (just kidding there, John Paul): Since nobody should make assumptions about the situation that occurred this weekend in Atlanta, here are some facts:

1. Brian Nichols was earned an 8-4 vote on his first trial and was in court on Friday for his re-trial.

2. Brian Nichols was an intellegent, well-spoken, upper-middle class professional before he was arrested in August 2004.

3. Mr. Nichols spent from August 2004 until the "incident" locked up in the Fulton County jail.

4. Fulton County law demands that prisoners wear street clothes and be un-handcuffed when they go to trial (as was Mr. Nichols on Friday.)

5. The Fulton County deputy appointed to guard Mr. Nichols before his trial (in a closed room) was 5 feet tall, 43 years old. Mr. Nichols is 6'1, 210 lbs, and is 33 years old.

6. Mr. Nichols was smart enough to have the entire Georgia law enforcement community out on patrol for 24 hours looking for a green Honda accord that never left the parking deck on Cone Street - where it was carjacked.

and NUMBER SEVEN........

Thank GAWD the woman he kidnapped was a tight-ass, Bible-thumpin' Christian or else the apocalypse would have been wrought upon us heathen souls. Hallelujah - Praise ye the Lord.

Please let me tell you what this has done to revitalize the Christian Right here in the deep South, especially with Ms. Ashley Smith spewing Bible-speak on every network around. Something tells me there is something intrinsically special about the fact that this woman was "chosen" by Nichols, but give me a goddamn break. She is not, and never will be the MESSIAH folks!!!! I mean, some people could chuck this up to dumb luck and coincidence. Even I thought it was somewhat telling in some way, but this Smith lady is NO Saint Teresa. Everyone wants to say, "Poor woman, lost her husband. He died in her arms after a fatal stabbing." OK, how exactly did that happen, huh? Maybe, just maybe, Ms. Smith was "born again" and decided to preach to the forsaken Mr. Nichols. Regardless, this sudden interjection of apostolic fuel to a situation that could have been much worse is really revolting.

My quick take: Nichols never committed the first crime. Spent six months in the County pokie and got his salad tossed. Said to himself, "No way am I going to do this for the next 20 to 25. Decided the Hobbit-bee-atch assigned to protect him would be an easy take, he would grab the gun and shoot his way out thinking there was no way the Atlanta Police would fuck up and NOT kill him. He finds himself actually on the street, then on a MARTA train, still thinking, "How the hell did I get this far and why hasn't anyone shot me dead yet." Kills the "contractor" (aka the Customs agent), then hijacks Ms. Smith. I'm only surprised he didn't have a Glock-burger for Friday supper.

Please, please. Do NOT lend too much credence to the "I know exactly what happened" people. They are abundant here, but they are the same ones who are pushing creationism through elementary schools and are about to abolish divorce in the civil courts.

Not Enough Valium in the World

Reasons for a bad day:

1. Wake up to know it's trash day and you have already filled the herbie-curbie.

2. Asshole boss has tasked you with a 108 job and you're a 113.'

3. Asshole boss is - well, an asshole.

4. If I poison asshole boss, I'll go to jail - yeah, granted no mortgage payments, but still...

5. Cat shit on carpet (so you cat-haters our there get your jollies of envisioning road kill graphics.)

6. Mommy needs chemo. This really sucks because I have cancer too, but they can keep cutting on me. Mum needs the juice.

7. Dropped 30 bucks on drycleaning a wool blanket that another cat puked on - yeah, another visual there.

8. Spring has yet to hit Atlanta and it's MARCH!! Hello?? March in Georgia is fucking springtime!!

9. The Supreme Court is ruling on whether or not to allow the Ten Commandments in state buidlings. No brainer here- duh, no! O'Conner actually said that if people were offended by it they "should avert their eyes.". I guess I could handle that but next to the Commandments, I want two sculptures - one of Michaelango's naked badboy, David, smoking a big fat doobie with a dreadlock-totting Rastafarian. Naughty little bitch.

If anyone gets offended by that they can "avert their eyes." Thanks to Mum for the suggestions of the Rasta and doobage.

10. My dad seems to think he found God. This time in a Presbyterian church. Last month it was Bahi (I'm not even pulling out the dictionary on that one.) I could really be mean and ugly here, but out of respect, I'll refrain.

Ah, but a the silver lining... if you haven't seen this on DVD, rent it or whatever. I can't figure out how to attach the link so you have to go to the "view trailer" link. Maybe I just find this funny 'cause I try to not to be a redneck, but Trailer Trash is me.

http://bluecollarcomedytour.warnerbros.com

Home Again

Well, I'm back. Went to the east coast of Maine to see my Mummy and help her with her surgery. I missed my treadmill something fierce, but there was no way in hell I was going to run in this...




Yeah, I know it's a huge picture, but I haven't figured out how to shrink the stupid things without PhotoShop. I'm old and hard to train.

Anyway, that white stuff that's on the ground is s-n-o-w. Us losers from Georgia don't get this stuff. When I was leaving for Maine, the airline folks said our plane may get diverted to Philly or NY because of the snow storm that Maine was getting. However, when we got just outside of Portland, the pilot said he would "try to land". Not really comforting. When I looked out the window of the plane, all I could see were chimneys. I swear, I did not hear the tires hit the runway so I think we skated into the terminal. Not fun. Something else that is no fun is temperatures reading 5 degrees. Yup, FIVE. Anything under a balmy 70 sucks.

I haven't read the AJC in almost two weeks. I'm sure I'll have more to blog about once I read the daily trash.

Funny Alert!

Be on the lookout for... drumroll, please.

Season 3 of "Real Time" is just around the corner! Bill returns to the roundtable with Robin Williams, Delaware Senator Joe Biden and Health and Human Services Secretary Tommy Thompson. Join us for the HBO premiere on February 18 at 11:00pm.

Can you imagine??? Robin Williams duking it out with that ferret, Thompson? Hell, just Robin Williams live and uncut... I think I'll find a way to stay up tomorrow night!



Overheard by a comedian: "You know, it bothers me when people discuss the health and lifestyle of men and tell me, 'Well, married men live longer than single men.' I guess I could accept this analogy. It's kind of like saying indoor cats live longer than outdoor cats. Sure, but an indoor cat is nothing more than a fur ball with a broken spirit looking out into a world he'll never experience."



Overheard on "Blue Collar Comedy Tour":

Bill: The other night, I got pulled over by an officer. He asked me if I'd been drinkin'. I said, "No sir, why? Is there a fat chick in the backseat?"


Also overheard:

"My sister got her navel pierced. During our family reunion, she came over and showed me the ring. I said, "Hey, you got ya a hitch. I guess now we can pull you away from the buffet".



From Jon Stewart's interview with Eric Idle on "The Daily Show"

Jon: So you've written a book and you have a hit Broadway play. What are you going to do next."

Eric: "I'm going to start a rap band."

Jon: "Really. How interesting."

Eric: "Yeah, I'm going to call myself 'Muff-Daddy."


Just some funnies to get me through a depressing day at work.

Alternatives to Preventing Pregnancy

This really should be filed under the, "You must be shitting me" column. I would have thought only in Alabama, but I still underestimate the ever-maturing state of Georgia. The sad thing is, it took the death of this bitch's eighth child to get the State to do something. And just because she's never been charged with abuse doesn't mean she isn't guilty of it. Read between the lines. Why else would her oldest run away from home?

Also, do the math: She's 34 and on her eighth kid?? No wonder she suffered from depression. If I have been pregnant almost a quarter of my life, I would beg you to fry my ass.

In today's AJC:

Mother chooses sterilization over murder trial

By BETH WARREN
The Atlanta Journal-Constitution
Published on: 02/10/05

An Atlanta mother who pleaded guilty to killing her newborn child has agreed to a medical sterilization procedure to avoid prison.

The plea deal Tuesday halted the murder trial of Carisa Ashe, 34, who has seven other children, after she consented to undergo a tubal ligation, in which the fallopian tubes are cut and tied to prevent pregnancy.

Fulton County District Attorney Paul Howard, whose office suggested the plea deal, said he agreed to reduce the murder charge to voluntary manslaughter because Ashe suffered from postpartum depression when she shook to death her 5-week-old daughter, Destiny, on Dec. 16, 1998.

The premature infant had been hospitalized for weeks and was killed two days after going home to her mother. Ashe told police the child simply stopped breathing.

Ashe, who has no prior criminal history or complaints of abuse, could have been sentenced to 20 years in prison on pleading guilty to voluntary manslaughter — defined as a killing committed with a sudden, violent irresistible passion after the assailant has been provoked.

Instead, Superior Court Judge Rowland Barnes ordered Ashe to serve five years on probation and to have the tubal ligation within three months. If she doesn't comply, prosecutors can try her on the initial murder charge.

The judge questioned Ashe to make sure she was voluntarily agreeing to the procedure.

"It was her choice to go forward," said Jan Hankins, director of the Fulton County conflict defender's office, which represented the mother.

Two of Ashe's children are living with her mother, while four are in state custody, Howard said. Her oldest child ran away from home, he said.

Jack Martin, legislative committee chairman of the Georgia Association of Criminal Defense Lawyers, said agreeing to tubal ligation is a creative way to avoid jail time. But, he said, "it should be rare and cautiously done."

"We're always concerned when an unusual condition is the price to stay out of jail because of the fear it isn't truly voluntary," Martin said.

Prosecutor Ash Joshi said asking Ashe to have her tubes tied was similar to allowing child molesters to choose chemical castration. He said the U.S. Supreme Court has upheld such punishment as constitutional, as long as the defendants consented.

Prosecutors say this is the first criminal case in Georgia that they know of in which a woman has agreed to undergo sterilization to avoid prison.

"If it's happened before, I've never heard of it," said David Fowler, deputy director of the Prosecuting Attorneys Council of Georgia.

"As long as she did this with her eyes wide open, I see nothing wrong with it legally," he added.

Three months ago, a Louisiana woman charged with murdering her newborn child agreed to a reduced plea that involved tubal ligation.

The prosecutor in that case, District Attorney Walter May, said he agreed to the plea because of conflicting medical testimony on whether the child was stillborn or murdered. The 33-year-old mother had three other children and told her attorney she didn't plan on having more, May said.

"Given similar facts, I would consider doing it again," the Louisiana district attorney said. "I can have some confidence this particular defendant will not have the ability to commit this particular crime again."

In the News...

#1

For starters, something light. Check out the design for the new building to house the Atlanta Symphony Orchestra. As someone who works in the design/construction field, I'm impressed, but I certainly wouldn't want to be the one to build it.




#2

The Israelis and Palestinians have declared a cease-fire. Good for them. I'm sure it will last - not (especially if Condi is involved), but good for them for now. I'm waiting for Bush to jump in and take credit. Yeah, that's right, Dickhead - the peace process in the Middle East has nothing to do with Arafat kicking the bucket.


#3

Speaking of Condi, looks like the WarMonger is setting her sights on Iran. Of course, being the second nuclear power in the Asses-of-Evil, I guess that was a no brainer. I suppose we should all prepare for the true apocolypse... you know, when Bush gets stupid enough to attack that loon, Kim Jong Il. Chances are, though, the War on Iran will take four year minimum and maybe the Democrats can come up with someone breathing that is smarter than Bush. Actually, I wonder who will fight the war on Iran? I mean, aren't the Americans running a bit thin when it comes to their military personnel overseas?

#4

I should have been in Rio yesterday. Screw New Orleans - been there, done that and it ain't all that. But those Brazilians?? Please, next year...




#5

Bush sent his budget to Congress. Take away money from education, the environment, and farmers. Give money to Pentagon, but don't mention war money (right now at about 144 Billion dollars) or the money to save Social Security. Good news, though. CNN polls say two-thirds of Americans think the rich should pay to save SS. Well, what a novice idea.

Big Day in Atlanta Culture

Yessir-eee, doggie. Big, I mean huge day in the Cultural MegaCenter called "Hotlanta". No, I'm not talking the Olympics again, nor the Peach Bowl, not the SEC Championship not even the NASCAR 500.

It's the American Kennel Club Dog Show!!!

Rah, rah, rah.

I mean, I really hate these things. People who don't have anything better to do than spend their days, dressing their dogs up to... well, look like people. I mean, is this even a dog?




No, boys and girls. That's a gerbil.


THIS IS A DAWWWWGGGGG...



And what would he be saying??? How about, "Hmmm, that little gerbil over there would make a lovely kibble snack."

Better than the BOO-BEE

So, all the hype over the SuperBowl and its shame of last year's half time, now I have to choke down the SuperClean Pre-game (and I'm sure, half time) shows.

Let's see, if I'm a neo-Conservative, hypocritical bible-thumper, I'd say, "What's the best way to overcome the "embarrassment of last year?" Answer: Lots and Lots and Lots of PRO WAR stuff. Don't get me wrong, folks.

I'm all for the "troops".

Yeah, those 20% shylarks ganglanders (who can't get enough of "San Andreas - Grand Theft Auto") and those 80% scared-shitless (who can't make a living in this dogeat economy who think the only way to get by is to fight a bogus war that the US started.)

What bothers me is that this country opts for promoting the violence of war by shaming those who served in legitmate times of warfare in lieu of showing some bee-atch and her TIT. Who's the Tit? Those of us who watch this crap.

They say we have to "clean up" TV because of what Janet Jackson and Justin Timberlake did at the Half-time show last year. Why can't they clean up what Bush has done during his entire show the past four years?

Ironic hypocracy is not a contridiction in terms. It really has become the norm, it really has become the iconic standard of American mainstream media (at least for half of them).

Excuse me, but the game has just started and I need to go watch 300 pound gorillas in tight pants rip the heads off the fuckers on the other team (of course, I'm one of those TOTALLY against violence in prime time media.) However, Queer Eye for the Straight Guy is on and they're "converting a Brit". Who would miss that especially considering this house would be showing both football and fags at the same time???? Oh My, You Charlatan, you!

Me.

PS On the record: - Philly will take this one (sorry, Lovely Pats - you won me boatloads your first year, but the crystal ball speaks.)

News to Make You Say....

... yeh right:

Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice said a U.S. attack on Iran “is simply not on the agenda,” despite the United States’ continued criticism of Iran’s human rights record and potential nuclear weapons.

And what was it she was saying in March of 2003 about Iraq and their nuclear weapons? Notice the direct, bi-polar schism of rhetorical dialect (i.e., "flip-floppin' to you Bushies out there). Must have something to do with her promotion from National Defense Secretary to Secretary of State. Hmmmm, how much ChapStick do you think the White House gave her before she moved into the new office space?

Smoke another one, Condi.



News to Make You Say...

... you must be shitting me:

Thursday night (Laura Bush) added another cause when the president announced she'd be leading an initiative to fight gang violence.


Whaaaa? Laura Bush fights GANG violence? OK, I see it happening

VERSUS

Now considering I'm not much of a betting-hag, I'll only put a couple of G's down on this one - hmmmm, me thinks... Yeah, if it comes down to a fist-to-fist, I'll take Chico. Come on down to my 'hood, Laura, you stupid-ass, unemployed kindergarten teacher. I'll introduce you to a gang called, "Us Niggers Who Love Violence" and then let you watch the bloodshed as they try to take out their Latino counterparts, "La Gran Familia". Have at it, you ass-whoppin' mama. I love this site since it clearly indicates your qualifications for being a good mum http://www.bettybowers.com/jenna.html





News to Make You Say...

...Stay the Fuck Out of MY Business

Abortion foes target use of pill
Druggists may refuse to dispense

By CARLOS CAMPOS
The Atlanta Journal-Constitution
Published on: 02/04/05

Newly empowered Republicans in the Georgia Legislature are setting their sights on another anti-abortion measure.

Under a bill filed Thursday by freshman Sen. Jim Whitehead (R-Evans), pharmacists who oppose abortion on "moral or religious" grounds and who refuse to dispense emergency contraceptive drugs would be immune from lawsuits or disciplinary action by employers.



I mean this really, really, chaps my large ass... I'm so glad the goddamn Georgia legislature has it's priorities straight. First, you make a woman have a baby even though neither toothless, unemployed teenage parent-to-be is smart enough to use contraception. Second, you take all the money out of the educational system to ensure this kid will grow up to be an ignorant, angry, indigent bastard who ultimately grows up to be... (see picture of Chico above for clues.)

During the Days of War and Disaster...

...comes this refreshing little ditty from today's AJC

Triplets at the zoo and more to come?
Tom Sabulis - Staff
Friday, February 4, 2005



Rare newborn monkey triplets, a young gorilla stud who's going to town, and a critically ill elephant: Even for an institution familiar with the circle of life (birth, procreation, death), Zoo Atlanta is having a fairly intense time these days.

Consider that:

> On Monday, one of its golden lion tamarins --- a critically endangered, squirrel-sized monkey --- gave birth to triplets, a rarity in the world of these marmosets native to Brazil.

Zoo officials are using the event to illustrate the unusual social structure among the world's smallest primates, one in which the father helps the mother take care of infants almost from the moment of birth.

> Taz, a 15-year-old gorilla, recently mated with all four females in the family of legendary zoo mascot Willie B.

Taz's most famous partner, Kudzoo, is the beloved silverback's oldest offspring. It will take a few more weeks before pregnancy testing is complete, but zoo leaders expect that Willie B. soon will become a grandfather for the first time, albeit posthumously. (He died at age 41 in February 2000.)

Taz's performance, researchers say, demonstrates that young lowland gorillas raised in a "bachelor" environment --- a group of male gorillas that never mate --- still can be moved in with females when they reach sexual maturity and lead a successful reproductive life.

Taz has taken to his procreative duties with gusto since joining the females in November: One day last month, he copulated 20 times.

"It's a very exciting time in the gorilla world," said Tara Stoinski, the zoo's manager of conservation partnerships. "This is the first time [at Zoo Atlanta] we've had a situation with animals that are all brand-new to the breeding scene. Taz has not bred before, nor have three of the four females."

Aside from Kudzoo, age 10, Taz's females include two other Willie B. offspring --- Sukari, 6, and Lulu, 5. His other partner is Kuchi, 20.

The zoo has been seeking a new male gorilla breeder since the death of Willie B. One possible successor, Caesar, a mature silverback on loan from the Los Angeles Zoo, was supposed to fill that role after moving to Zoo Atlanta in 2003. But he died suddenly last May.

> One of the zoo's three elephants, Starlett, is suffering from leptospirosis, an infection of the liver that has caused her to develop skin lesions and lose about 1,000 pounds over the past year. (She now weighs approximately 6,400 pounds.)

It is the most serious elephant illness the zoo has encountered, senior veterinarian Rita McManamon said. The three elephants, all female and 21 to 22 years old, arrived at Zoo Atlanta in 1986.

Starlett's disease can be fatal, but zoo officials believe the African elephant is recovering. "She's not out of the woods yet," zoo President and CEO Dennis Kelly said.

Starlett is being treated with antibiotics, and her appetite has returned. In a typical day, elephants consume about 56,000 calories. Her diet is being supplemented with corn oil mixed with her feed.

"They like the taste of corn oil," McManamon said. "I think they'd suck it up if they could."

Her illness has reduced the amount of time Starlett can be seen by zoo visitors --- she now eats separately from the other elephants (Zambezi and Victoria) so her diet can be monitored --- but she's still visible to the public at bath time, usually in the morning.

A team of experts from the University of Georgia --- including veterinary nutritionists and dermatologists --- has been collaborating on Starlett's treatment. Branson Ritchie, an animal clinician, has developed a new cleansing skin treatment useful for battling infections in human burn patients.

"We're using that to wash Starlett's skin," Kelly said. "It's cutting-edge stuff, the best medicine we have."

What's not so scientifically cutting-edge is the method Zoo Atlanta is using to test its gorillas for pregnancy. Since no gorilla pregnancy test exists, vets are using human tests, which monitor urine samples, that they buy at a local drugstore.

Right now, that process is adding to the zoo's wait.

"Those pregnancy tests are not designed for gorillas," McManamon said, "and it may take a couple [of] months before you will actually see a positive [result]. The hormone the test is looking for is a human hormone. There is some similarity between that human hormone and the gorilla equivalent of that hormone, but it doesn't always cross-react perfectly."

There is one other holdup.

"It's not easy," she said, "to get a gorilla to pee on demand."

Holy Freezer-pops, Batman

Woke up yesterday morning to this...




This intersection isn't too far from the house. Needless to say, we kept our fingers crossed and prayed that 1) we wouldn't lose power and 2) a branch from our beloved pecan trees wouldn't come crashing through the roof. Neither happened, thank you very much. Oddly, we seem to be the only ones around that have power. Usually, if the wind blows at all, we get dumped first which is why we chose natural gas for our heat and water. We figured if we lost power, we could take long hot showers and I would be baking all day, but as it is, I think I am suffering from a relapse of mono (way too sore throat, body feels like it's been hit by a mach truck and sleep is all I can do with any real gusto). For those of you who don't know, if you ever get mono, you will never get rid of it... it just kinda goes into hibernation and creeps up when you least expect it. Hopefully, it will only last a few days, because it really does make you feel like the end of the world is near.

What's really depressing is that I can't do my treadmill today. Even if I felt like doing it yesterday, there's no way I could have gotten down the driveway. Roomie went out yesterday to get something out of the car and damn near slid into the side of the house. Steep, ice-covered driveways suck. Of course, nobody thought the storm was going to be that bad so we didn't think to go to the grocery. The only thing in the house to eat was bread and cheese. Roomie said he must have eaten 40 pieces of cheese toast yesterday.

Today things are improving somewhat. The temperature is hovering around 40 degrees which is causing the ice to melt very quickly. It makes me a little bit jumpy to hear the ice crash on the roof, but at least its still not hanging on to the branches.

Well, I went on a job interview on Friday. This guy calls me up on Wednesday and says a friend of his has told him that I am an excellent project manager and I'm looking for a change of pace. When I met him, he looked like he was 25 years old, but he owns his own construction firm in downtown and he says he did about 6.5 million in business last year. Of course, he's only been in business for a year and a half. We're going to talk again later in the week and there is no rush as he really is just looking to build up his business. The only scary thing - and it's a big thing - there's no job security in the private sector. That's not to say I have a lot of job security with the state, especially since budgets are getting cut right and left, but I've been doing the same thing for 11 years and they still haven't gotten rid of me. I didn't talk price with this "kid" on Friday so that could be the proverbial straw. I don't think he knows what kind of money I make and I'm not sure he'd be able to pay me what it would take to get me to leave - but I'm pretty sure I impressed him with my resume and my experience so maybe he's got an open checkbook. If nothing else, I had me first interview since 1993 and I'm not so out of practice. We'll have to see. I'm still keeping my fingers crossed and hoping to go back to Europe.

Speaking of other places, looks like Iraqis found the guts to go out and vote today - good for them. I mean, if anyone ever took advantage of the fact that almost anyone can vote in this country, today would be a good day to rethink their freedoms.

Gotta run, lots of b-movie re-runs on and the space heater in the den is calling.

Here We Go Again

OK, so the crackhead Republicans are now in control over the Georgia Legislature. Their first two orders of business;

First - Introduce a law banning all abortion unless childbirth risks the life of the mother - that's right, even if you get pregnant via incest or rape, you're still going to have to have the little one-eyed monster if you live in the state of Georgia. See, that was actually a law here several years ago which explains why a bunch of folks - especially in Georgia mountains, ain't got a lot of branches in their family tree.

Second - Try to ban all forms of the teaching of evolution in all schools. Going back to those whose daddies are their brothers who are the husbands of their sisters - hmmmmm, I guess that's how they explain how Cain and Abel were capable of populating the world - incest is best.

Thankfully, neither of these passed. I would have to think even the backward-ass dip-shits understand that the few Democrats left would have come up with yet another archiac, redneck passion - lynching. I for one would have been down at the capitol building with a club in one hand and a rope in another, just waiting to inflict my own form of population control.

Holy shit - I've still got 3 years and 11 months to put up with this crap. No wonder we are ranked #50 on the list of stupidest fucking people in the country. For godssakes, even Texas ranks higher.

"Jumpy teens died in store they came to rob"

Yup, "Jumpy" is a word the Atlanta Journal Constitution uses to justify the behaviour of two teenagers who had their heads blown off in a poe-dunk redneck town outside of Athens.

According to the AJC and other local news, two teenagers walked into a store in Ogelthorpe County and demanded money. The news said the owners of the store were "going to give them the money", but the kids got "jumpy" and pulled out a gun.

The owners shot both kids dead.

Neither of the owners was hurt and neither of the owners will face any charges because "it was their right to protect their property."

I've always been told that in Georgia there are specific laws governing how and when you are allowed to blow off someone's fucking head. If someone breaks into my house to steal something and I happen to catch them and want to kill them, it is absolutely my right to do so. The only minor hang-up - and it really is minor - is if they happen to be running away from my 12-gauge when I shoot them. If that's the case, I need to make sure I put at least one bullet in their face and be sure to drag them back into my house (wiping away any trace of blood in the process.) See, if I kill them on my front porch, I go to jail. I kill 'em in my house - free as a bird.

How many other folks out their have Jethro-laws like this one? I mean, I guess it makes sense on some primal, special-ed level, but really...

Michael's Boo-Boo and Moore

Well, Michael Moore should have counted his blessings and submitted his film for Best Documentary at this year's Acadamy Awards, now he has been completely shut-out. At least that Bible-toting, born-again Freakboy, Gibson, only got ass-kissy nominations like best make-up. If figure if they had a category for Most Gorey and Most Violent, he could walk away with two statues. After all, he knew that since his was to be a "religious" film, he couldn't have sex in the movie and we all know what that means for Hollywood - the least amount of sex, the more amount of violence if you want to sell tickets, especially to those equally bigoted, hypocritical, Bible-toting, born-again freakboys.

Now, Mr. Foxx on the other hand, has impressed me to no end this year. I remember him on "In Living Colour" from my salad days at Auburn. I would have never thought to see him as a double candidate for Oscar, even if the movie, "Collateral" totally sucked. Try to catch Jamie Foxx on "Inside the Actor's Studio". Not only is the man funny, but he tells some very poignant tales of his life and what has gotten him to where he is now. His acceptance speech at the Golden Globes was also a highlight to that evening. Click on Jamie Foxx "video" on this page if you missed it

http://www.hfpa.org/goldenglobeawards.html

As for "The Aviator", I think I would need to smoke a half kilo of killer weed to sit through three hours of watching the Leo DiCaprio drone spew out his lines. When will the general public and Oscar realize that although he just turned 30, he still looks and acts like his 12? I guess you could call it acting. Maybe I shouldn't be so hard on the little boy. I haven't seen the movie, but I haven't seen "Sideways" or "Million Dollar Baby" either and the trailers look more interesting that the whole of "Aviator".

My money is on Mr. Foxx all the way!!

Good Eats

Credit: Alton Brown for the title.

Since my last blogger was a serious rant of how fat I am and how I'm trying to take it off, I'll share some of my latest good eats that I am attempting to convert into food for fatties:

First: My all time favourite dessert TIRAMISU!! done as fat free and calorie free as possible and still yummie:

Tiramisu Parfait

Preparation Time: 30 min.
Chill Time: 3 hours or overnight
Makes 8 servings

1 Sugar-Free Angel Food Cake (it's better to use lady fingers and I have yet to find a sugar free angel food cake.) You'll need about 35 lady fingers.
3 1/2 tsp. Decaffeinated Instant Coffee (much better to use 4 or 5 shots of espresso that you can either make or go to Starbucks to pick up.
1 1/2 cups Hot Water (won't need the water if you use the espresso).
1/2 cup Mascarpone Cheese
8 oz. Fat-Free Cream Cheese
2 Tbsp. Dark Brown Sugar
1 cup SPLENDA® No Calorie Sweetener, Granular
3/4 tsp. Vanilla (or you can use sweet marsala, here - it's more authentic.)
2 tsp. Cocoa Powder


1. Cut sugar-free angel food cake into one-inch cubes. Set aside.
2. Dissolve instant coffee in hot water. Chill in refrigerator.
3. Combine mascarpone cheese and cream cheese in a medium mixing bowl. Beat until smooth. Add 2 Tbsp. chilled coffee, brown sugar, SPLENDA® Granular, and vanilla. Mix well and set aside.
4. Pour remaining chilled coffee into a 9x13 inch pan.
5. Assemble Tiramisu. Quickly dip half of the angel food pieces into the coffee. Remove immediately and place in a medium glass serving bowl. Spread half of the cream cheese mixture on top of the angel food cake pieces. Sprinkle with 1 tsp. cocoa powder. Repeat process with remaining angel food cake, cheese mixture and cocoa.
6. Cover and chill for three hours or overnight before serving.

Nutrition Information per serving - Some of these numbers change if you take my suggestions above:

Serving Size 1/8th tiramisu
Total Calories 120
Calories from Fat 60
Total Fat 7 g
Saturated Fat 4 g
Cholesterol 20 mg
Sodium 170 mg
Total Carbohydrate 8 g
Dietary Fiber 0 g
Sugars 3 g
Protein 5 g

Another killer dessert that I snagged off the Food Channel - Bread Pudding w/ Bourbon Sauce that will make you cry. I didn't make the bourbon sauce 'cause we didn't have any in the house, but I ate this with the low sugar vanilla ice cream. - YUMMY

3 cups stale French bread, cut in 3/4-inch cubes
2 cups milk (use 1 c. evaporated skim milk and 1 c. reg skim milk to negate most of the fat).
2 eggs
1 cup sugar (I used 3/4 c. Splenda and 1/4 cup sugar)
1 tablespoon vanilla extract (be sure to use 1 TABLESPOON here)
1/2 teaspoon cinnamon
1/4 teaspoon nutmeg
4 tablespoons butter, melted and slightly cooled
1/2 cup sultana raisins

Preheat oven to 350 degrees F.

Place stale bread in a bowl with milk and squeeze the bread with your hand until well saturated with milk. I didn't squeeze any bread, just put it in the bowl and stirred it around a few times until the milk was sucked up (about an 1/2 hour or so).

With an electric mixer on high speed in a separate bowl, beat eggs with sugar until thick and pale. Stir in the vanilla, cinnamon, nutmeg, butter and raisins to the egg mixture. Add the soaked bread crumbs to the egg mixture and stir well. Let stand for 10 minutes. It is important to allow enough time for the bread to absorb the egg mixture or the bread crumbs will float to the top during baking, leaving a layer of custard on the bottom of the dish.

Transfer the mixture to a greased baking dish. Bake until firm, or until a knife inserted in the middle comes out clean, about 45 to 50 minutes. Let it slightly cool in the dish.

Bourbon Sauce:
2 egg yolks
1 stick butter, not margarine
1 cup sugar
1/3 cup bourbon whiskey, to taste

Meanwhile, near the end of the baking time, make the sauce. With an electric mixer, beat egg yolks until thick and pale. In a saucepan, melt the butter and sugar. Pour the butter and sugar mixture over the egg yolks, beating constantly with the mixer, until well thickened. Stir in bourbon by hand. Serve the pudding warm with vanilla ice cream if desired. Pass the hot bourbon sauce separately.

DELIGHTFUL!!! The sauce looks great, but the ice cream works just as well.


AND NOW - Drumroll, please... something absolutely NOT on the dieter's list and something I would never, ever mess with.... Real English Fish and Chips:

The trick to making this is #1 the rice flour and #2 you MUST have a thermometer or a some way of monitoring the temperature of the oil. Also, use a good quality veggie oil like canola or something equally light. There's a new oil on the market called ?Enola? or something that is supposed to be great for the health, but it sounds a lot like Olestra which will give you the runs for days if you eat too much of it. Stick with canola with 7 grams of saturated fat, safflower with 9 grams of sat. fat and sunflower with 11 grams of sat fat.

Vegetable oil, for deep frying
4 large russet potatoes
2 cups all-purpose flour
1 tablespoon baking powder
1 teaspoon salt, plus more for seasoning
1/2 teaspoon freshly ground black pepper, plus more for seasoning
1 large egg, lightly beaten
1 (12-ounce) can soda water
1/2 cup rice flour, for dredging
2 (8-ounce) cod or haddock fillets, cut in 1/2 on an angle
Malt vinegar, for serving
Tartar Sauce, recipe follows

Heat 3-inches of the oil in a deep fryer to 325 degrees F. Alternately, heat 3-inches of oil in a deep pot.

Peel the potatoes and cut them into chips, about the size of your index finger. Put the potatoes in the oil. Fry the chips for 2 to 3 minutes; they should not be crisp or fully cooked at this point. Remove the chips with a spider strainer or slotted spoon, to a paper towel-lined platter to drain.

Crank the oil temperature up to 375 degrees F.

In a large mixing bowl, combine the flour, baking powder, salt, pepper, and egg. Pour in the soda water and whisk to a smooth batter. Spread the rice flour on a plate. Dredge the fish pieces in the rice flour and then dip them into the batter, letting the excess drip off.

Put the chips in the bottom of the fryer basket and carefully submerge in the hot oil. Carefully wave the battered fish into the bubbling oil before dropping them in on top of the chips. Fry the fish and chips for 4 to 5 minutes until crispy and brown. Remove the basket and drain the fish and chips on paper towels; season lightly with salt. Serve wrapped in a newspaper cone with malt vinegar and/or tartar sauce.

Tartar Sauce:
1 cup mayonnaise
1 tablespoon chopped capers
1 tablespoon chopped cornichons
2 tablespoons finely chopped flat-leaf parsley leaves
1/2 lemon, juiced
Dash hot sauce

In a small mixing bowl, combine all ingredients. Chill before serving to let the flavors marry.

Bon Apetite!!!! I'll post more yummies after I test drive them first.

Random Thoughts for Early Saturday Morning

Amazing the random thoughts that will cross the mind when you are up early on a Saturday morning and not in the least bit hung over. Incidentally, as part of this weight-loss program, I'm seriously cutting back on the last vice I have - beer (you know the calories, carbs, toxic waste - whatever - that is supposed to contribute to the poundage.) Needless to say, I've been working on that treadmill every day like a goddamn hamster on crack and I still haven't dropped any lbs. Those who fear me say, "Oh, but you're gaining muscle weight". Yeah, right. That really was my turnip truck that rounded the corner there. It might as well be my Sarah Lee truck as fat as I'm still feelin'.

Listening to VH1 - a song caught my attention. A cold, badass rapper has hooked up with a sappy country artist a produced an very interesting song:

http://www.mp3.com/nelly-featuring-tim-mcgraw/artists/382582/summary.html (click on the video for Tim McGraw if you happen to be lame enough to think Christina Aguilera and Jaheim are country artists. Not to knock Chrissy - the bee-atch can belt them out. She sounds like my siren self while I'm in the shower.)

Speaking of showers, what is it with men who think women would just looooveee to go to a strip bar? Every Friday afternoon, Roomie gets an invitation to go to this strip bar in Midtown called, "The Cheetah" - yeah, clever name - by one of these contractors he works with who basically is doin' the schmooze thing. Yesterday, I told him to go and he said, "Nah, I really don't want to unless you want to go". Then later that day, we're talking with some good ol' boys and they ask me again, "How come you don't wanna go?" Well, I guess if I wanted to see tits and ass, I'd take a shower. What kinda stupid question is that? I mean, I'm just not that into naked people - be they Chippendale dancers, Roman sculptures, or da Vinci renderings. I certainly don't want to drop 8 bucks for a beer while I sit there watching women who weigh about 60 pounds less than me - except for the additional silicon - give lap dances to my Roomie. Do I really look like a crackhead?

Speaking of crackheads, there was a mighty presence of right-wing, Neo-Republican, ultra-Christian idiots in downtown yesterday praising the new Republican State Congress and their pledge to pass the "Women's Right to Know" law. Yuppers, this is something the Moe-Rons have drummed up that would require a doctor to show a woman all these gruesome photos and whatnot before she has an abortion. Governor Purdue (our first Republican govenor in over 130 years) just finished talking about how his government would "partner" with the people, not "rule" them. In other words, he said the rest of his term would be less like Democrats and they would only deal with critical issues. That was last week. Oh yeah, and from what I heard about Georgie's speech on Wednesday, the idiot couldn't even use a thesaurus to find a synonym for "freedom" (27 times in a 21 minute speech???) I guess Georgie's "freedom" doesn't include a woman's freedom... period. And what is our common denominator here? Hmmmmm, me thinks there is a chromosome deficiency in the group. I ask you, if every man would wear a condom every time he had sex, how many abortions would women have?

Speaking of stupid men - or is that redundant - Atlanta hosted, FalconsFeverFriday yesterday. I can't stand the Falcons or most of the Falcon fans. God forbid the Falcons win the SuperBowl, we could make InnerCity Detroit look like mid-state Iowa with the gun blasts, super-decible crap-rap music and non-stop partying in the street. However, I'm pretty confident that when the blackbirds get to Philly and start playing in 2 feet of snow and temperatures hovering around 8 degrees, they're going to freeze their little new-nads off and get their asses collectively whooped. Even the big-bad Vick will be coming home, nursing his wounds - or maybe his hypothermia - will be set down.

Ah, enough ranting for one morning. Time to get up, do laundry, attack the treadmill and head for Augusta. Good friends are planning a surprise party for Jules and it promises to be an absolute blast!!

A Reason NOT to Party?

OK, anyone who knows me will think this latest blog is something only an acid blot and vodka screamer would produce, but I assure you that I am most utterly sober and most utterly saddened when I ask this question... Why the hell is anybody having a fucking PARTY to celebrate George W. Bush? Can anyone tell me what he has done in the past four years that is worth celebrating? The only folks on this planet who should be celebrating are the Iraqi insurgents who have now taken almost complete control over a country that was never our primary enemy in the first place (don't you dare hand me some horseshit about the first Gulf War and the "enemies" Saddam made.)

See, I'm not the only one with the same idea:




Bush should be beheaded, drawn and quartered, then devoured by Kenyan hyenas (only because we wouldn't want to torture the little buggers by having them cut their own meat.) Or perhaps we could offer the creatures the "Brain of Bush", Karl Rove, which would be a much more satisfying main course than the kibble bits of Georgie Bush. Alas, 49% of Americans are partying their asses off today - and for the next four years - because, like certain other animals, they have decided the best thing for them to do is stick their empty heads in a pile of shit-laden sand and... well, you know, see no evil, hear no evil, speak no evil, think absolutely nothing for yourself.

Speaking of Georgie- FUs - did Barbara Boxer eat Condi's lunch the other day or what? Stephen Colbert, esteemed correspondent at the beloved Daily Show, had this tidbit of news info for us: http://www.comedycentral.com/tv_shows/thedailyshowwithjonstewart/

Be sure to check the "watch" tab on the left side of the screen under "Colbert".

I cannot believe Georgie has nominated someone as war-minded as Condi for such a touchy-feely position as Secretary of State. Ohhhhh, but wait, the Bush Administration says that if accepted, Condi will travel more that Powell did during his term. OK, so how much will that cost? I've already heard that the bullshit inaugural will cost more than ever in history and that DC will pick up the bill, but now is when Condi wants to go sightseein'?

Here's another reason to throw down with the booze, drugs, liquid glue or whatever other goodies you have on hand. Did you know that 29,000 children die everyday in Africa from disease, hunger, malnutrition, or… what have you. Big fuckin' deal right? Well, this shit has been going on for years and what have we done (as big bad Americans who can afford a Presidential Throwdown like today??) As far as I can tell, not a goddman thing since 1985 - that's right NINETEEN EIGHTY fucking FIVE. But, ol' Mamma Nature steps into South Asia and all of a sudden the world unites in this grand ol' warm-hearted, oh-so-conveniently-tax-deductible contribution and the Asians are the Poop-of- the-World. I guess that means if you were one of the ones sitting on a sunny beach in Sumatra drinking MaiTais and eggnog from a crystal glass when suddenly a tsunami washes you to your death, you are much, much more privileged than some impoverished, orphaned child born with AIDS in sub-Saharan Africa who will die an anguished, excruciating death. Kiss my ass and call me fuzzy. God gave the animals the sense that humans learned to dismiss long ago - RUN.



Speaking of 1985, isn't it ironic that Bob Geldoff put together "Live Aid" about this time almost 20 years ago? Where's our "Live Aid" now if the urgency is so real?

Speaking of death, what are the real numbers on ALL the dead people because of America's invasion of the sovereign nation of Iraq?

What are the real numbers of the dead in Sudan?

Why is the American reputation swimming in the bottom of a south Georgia swamp?

When is a war-monger’s presidential inauguration going to be seen for what it is … an utter, complete antithesis of what is good, civil, honest, and caring.

When will we all be hopeful again?

Today marks the start of another uncertain, terrifying, unpredictably horrible four years. How bad will it get?

So, here's how to find me????

I can't remember my pass word to my blog therapy so I type some crap into Google and this is MY first hit?????

"The body is a biblical scene with Jesus, staff in hand, laying a blessing hand on the bridge of the guitar. The real jewel encrusted pick guard (Jade, sapphire & star sapphire) displays a laughing face of Christ. One sapphire is set in Christ's eye."

Hack, gag, puck, piss, poop.

Truly Awe Inspiring Satillite Photo

While taking a cue from IbeJO, I found a true "HOLY SHIT" moment captured in time...

Look at the top of the photo and you will see the wave that is about to come ashore onto Banda Aceh (bottom of photo).

Photo from: http://www.crisp.nus.edu.sg/tsunami/tsunami.html

News of Late

Generally this type of blog is simply for family and friends who don't read my emails. It's a kind of bait and switch to anyone out there that just reads my stuff for the hyper-intellengent, nearly holy-enlightened information I process with supersonic speed and accuracy. Here is NOT one of those blogs.

Looks like I will probably lose my job in June. This, not because of the quality of my work, but because Georgia Tech cannot manage their money (and our brillant governor has taken $58 million out of the education budget). So, trim the fat, screw the quality. And I wasn't even that fat.

Fortunately/unfortunately, I will get the money I have invested in my retirement and the money that Tech has contributed. That's a good chunk of change considering we are required to contribute 6% of our salary (before taxes) each year to our retirement and when you get 10 years here, GT matches that with 18% for every year. SJ said not to take it because I will take a tax hit, but if I can't get another job between now and then, I might have to anyway.

On another note, we got our computer set up about 85%. It's awesome! Broadband rules as does the mega billion ram that a friend set up for us. Also, because I am a Tech employee - at least for now - I can download any and all software I want as long as I use it for "work" purposes. I'm going to advertise to the moron-students at Tech that I will write/edit their papers for the bargain price of $1.00/page. Maybe I can make a couple of bucks. First, I will start using some of my new software by designing my flyers against Air France and passing them out at Hartsfield. I have to write them another letter because they have insulted my intelligence and resolve (they even went so far as mispelling my last name - hissssssss - that indicates they don't even give enough of a shit to check.) How stupid. If Air France doesn't want to play nicey with me after this next letter, it's off to Florida to small claims court we go where I will not only request reimbursement for our tickets, but a reasonable sum for pain and suffering. Since the tickets and all were around $1,500 and the max you can sue under Florida law is $5,000 - hmmmmm, looks like my pain was worth about $3,500! I also like the fact that the burden of proof is on them since they are the ones that record their phone conversations and none of the documentation they sent me after-the-fact said it was non-transferable.

On another nice note, the house three doors down from us is a 3-BDRM/2-BATH and is selling for $189,900 (no basement). If it sells at that price, it could be very, very good news for us. Once we can figure out how to use that damn camera, I'll post photos of the stucco work.

And lastly, I absolutely love the treadmill that I bought myself for Christmas. I feel (and probably look) like a fat-ass gerbil on it, but with all that has happened of late, do you think I really give a damn?

Ah, Back to Web Therapy

First and foremost, happy new year to everyone. Yeah, I know it's already the 5th, but since this is my first blog in a couple of weeks and I'm feeling optimistic about this new year (yeah, I know it's only the 5th), I figured I'd say it again.

That being said, we must take a moment to look at the ominous signs occuring around the world.

1) Not much to say about the South Asian tsunami that hasn't already been said in the media. Every few hours each day after the wave hit, the news kept reporting the number of dead: 15,000, 50,000, 79,000, 110,000, 155,000. I had to look hard this morning to find the latest numbers, but all I could really find were the number of body bags requested by certain cities. I guess the media understands the concept of saturation after all. I mean, considering the week after the holidays is when the largest number of people want to jump off bridges anyway, hearing about hundreds of thousands of dead, injured, and suffering might not be the ticket. My philosophy is a little twisted, though. When I hear about such a grandiose, totalitarian disaster as this, I feel somewhat thankful.

Speaking of thankful, CNN reported that a Malaysian cargo ship picked up a tsunami survivor at sea: http://www.cnn.com/2005/WORLD/asiapcf/01/04/tsunami.adrift.ap/index.html

Now, had this been me - adrift in the shark-laden waters of the Indian Ocean, clinging to some tree branches for over a week... hmmmmm, me thinks we would need a cargo ship full of valium for the rest of my natural life. To make matters worse, the Malaysian cargo ship was taking the poor soul back to Malaysia. Again, if it were me out there, I'd be screaming down the captain's neck and telling him to take my ass to Inner Mongolia.

Something else that caught my attention yesterday about this disaster was something Neil Boortz said on the morning teaser for his show - Hell no, I don't listen to the idiot's show, but this made me go, "Hmmmmmm." Then I heard it again on NBC News last night and it made some sense. Boortz said that "The world is gearing up to use the tsunami disaster as yet another platform (sic) excuse from which to attack economic freedom, capitalism and, of course, the United States" (as though anyone needed an excuse). NBC News clarified by staying that some Arab new networks were advertizing that the earthquake was actually caused by the US testing nuclear devices in the South Pacific. The Arab media was also saying that they performed these tests during the infidel's holiday of Christmas - incidentally - don't read the Koran or listen to what Mohammed had to say, in this regard, "infidel" is anyone who believes in any sort of iota of independence and freedom. Yicks!!! Granted, those folks out there who have 2 or more brain cells know this to be horseshit, but the fundamentalists, just gaga-gooing for another reason to hate the US, are going to eat this up. What's really sad on this note? Countries like Saudia Arabia, Kuwait, and Qatar have only pledge measly amounts of money (like the initial sums given by the US) because they fear their money will fall into the hands of the infidels. Double yicks.

2) Onto another really, really apocalyptic sign???? How do locust swarms in Africa sit with you before breakfast? Check this out on National Geographic: http://www.nationalgeographic.com/channel/explorer/webpost.html The show airs Sunday at 8PM EST. This is going to really be something to give me the heebies. A friend showed me a picture of the locusts flying around the Pyramids in Egypt, but watch the video preview on the link above if you really want to get the creepies.

Well, that's enough negative stuff for such a pre-admitted positive blog. Now for some goodies to leave you feelin' happy

1) Roomie and I have decided to enter the 21st century. We have shunned the antiquated Windows 98 for XP, added billions meg to the harddrive as well as MS Office and -drumroll please - the 56K modem will be history sometime this afternoon as the Cable Guy will come by to install Broadband. Holy smokies, Batman.

2) Funny comment made by unnamed comedian on Comedy Central yesterday. He said he was traveling to Jamaica recently and was stopped by a customs agent. She asked him if he were carrying any drugs into Jamaica. He says, "Carrying drugs into Jamaica? No, wouldn't that be like carrying Slim Fast into Ethiopia." OK, cruel, but still funny.

3) Speaking of Comedy Central: Check out http://www.comedycentral.com/tv_shows/thedailyshowwithjonstewart/

Where Lewis Black who has a newbie on the show and Billy Connelly is a guest. Billy was supposed to be on discussing his part in the Lemony Snicket's film, but instead, he and John had a roving laugh over rabbit sex and pissing yourself.

I'm Off...

I didn't want to make my last blog before the holidays a negative one, so here goes something a little different...

I'm heading off to Maine and Vermont for about 10 days. I have called Delta about 4 times now to confirm that I won't get goosed like Air France did me, and it's looking good thus far.

Anyway, I cannot remember my password to Bloggerville so unless I am writing from this PC, I won't be able to access my addiction. Therefore, I will say it here and now...

I wish everyone a peaceful, content - if not happy - Christmas. I also wish everyone -and I mean everyone - have a peaceful year in 2005.

Air France

So, taking a cue from my pal at IbeJO, I'm going to test drive my very own blog-trap.

Since I have not heard back from Air France about the bait and switch deal Air France did last week, I thought I'd write and let you and Air France know, again what Air France did to mum and me. Did I mention this was Air France, not Delta, not USAir, not Northwest. It was Air France which you can find at AirFrance.com or you can type Air France in Google, or AirFrance in Netscape, or AirFrance in any search engine.

See, Air France had a special to France for two people. Since Air France lied and said I could change my companion and then Air France told me I could not change my companion, Air France would not let me fly Air France to France. The Air France folks at Dulles were ugly, rude, and not very hospitable to say the least considering the Air France folks were in my country and not France and considering I paid Air France almost $600 and Air France stole my money.

Air France has not written me back nor has Air France sent me an Air France check for the money that Air France stole from me. As far as I am concerned, Air France is a thief. No reflection on the people of France or the country itself, but Air France - corporate Air France really needs to learn a little something about customer service.

Coincidentally, I have to go to the airport this afternoon for my flight to Maine. Coincidentally, the Air France counter is next to the Delta counter. I see - I see - yes, that's right - I see the most opportune time to pass out my little flyers to all those unwitting peons standing in line at the Air France counter. Nothing slanderous, I assure, just the truth about the little theives called Air France.

Don't forget to go to http://www.airfrance.com/

A True Scrooge Moment

So, Roomie and I go shopping on Saturday. Across from the place where we were shopping is a huge parking lot that is used by the Kroger and the illustrious Ford Factory lofts (this was an old warehouse converted to loft apartments a few years ago.) Anyway, behind the Ford lofts is City Hall East. City Hall East only has a pay parking deck to service those employees.

Every year about this time, the folks from the Empty Stocking Fund set up shop between the lofts and City Hall. There is a MARTA station across the street, but other than that City Hall is on a very busy street with no parking. All that being said, guess what the good, kindhearted, Santa-like folks at Kroger and Ford Lofts were doing? They had CONVOYS of tow trucks coming and going all day, towing away the people who were there for the Empty Stocking Fund. Yup, I sat there and watched and in the course of 10 minutes, I saw four tow trucks carry away these total pieces of shit cars - after all, it's not like if you're getting handouts from the Empty Stocking Fund, you're going around in a goddamn Hummmer.

So, these people - who are so poor that they cannot afford Christmas gifts for their kids, now have to figure out a way to get to the tow yard with their kids and either pay for their vehicle or leave it there and figure out a way to get home - carrying the gifts they got from the Fund.

Now, really!! These folks are only there about 10 or 15 minutes, it's in the middle of the day, and the parking lot is huge, with plenty of open spaces. What the hell? It must be owned by Air France.

Ah, the Salad Days

As a young lass growing up in the Mega-metro culture of Augusta, Georgia, I had to find humour and nostalgia in the article by my bud, Cliff Bostock of the Loaf...

http://atlanta.creativeloafing.com/headcase.html

This really was a touching story considering I never could stomach going to JBs house at Christmas. The only true annual tradition we had was rolling his house and his shed (up right there in the FRONT yard) each Halloween. For you younger crowd, "rolling" is to take toilet paper and throw it into the trees - yeah, not the most mature thing to do, but at 16, it's better than having unprotected sex, right??

Of course, we had an advantage as my friend J.A. lived next door. At the time, his daddy was a state senator that still relished in the days of the KKK and the like so to him we were doing the South a favour by bastardizing the Godfather of Soul with Charmin hanging in the vegetation.

I actually experienced minor pangs of guilt as I got older, but then JB got popped for beating up his wife. I now think I should have dosed the TP with lighter fluid before I tossed it into the trees.

Good story anyway so check it out.

Bait and Switch - French Style

I truly can't remember ever being this totally pissed off. I mean, talk about not even getting a kiss.

Here's the email I've been sending to anyone and everyone regarding what should have been a beautiful trip to France and Italy... buyer beware

"In May, I bought myself and a companion a ticket to Paris with Air France. I was told that I would be able to change the name on my companion ticket. Air France sent me an itinerary and the terms and conditions of the promotion. Neither mentioned "non-transferrable" or "non-refundable". It did NOT state that I could not change the name of the companion, only that I must travel "with a companion". In June, I found out my friend could not go with me so I asked my mother to go. When we got to Dulles airport, I was told that I could not change the name of my companion and since I was not going to travel with the original person, I could not go to Paris either. I was also told that Air France would not refund any of my money.

After arguing with the Air France people, I finally gave up, but asked to have their names so I could reference them in my letter to Air France. Can you believe, nobody would give me their name? They all ran like sheep from a wolf. Obviously, I'm not the first moron to get ripped off like this.

I'm so mad, I could spit nails. I not only lost the $600 for the tickets, but I bought a ticket to DC (and had to change the return at an additional $100), I had two hotel room reservations, two train tickets, and two airport shuttle tickets - all total about $1,500!! My travel agent told me that there were 24 available seats on the plane and she could not figure out why they were being so belligerent.

I am a very experienced traveler and never would have thought that I could get screwed like this. Let your listeners know that this could happen to them, too."

That's all for now as I am getting sick just thinking about it.

The Cheesiest

Warburtons, a British "Cheeto" maker, recently polled a bunch of Brits to find out what the cheesiest line in movies was. Here are the results:

1. "Titanic": Leonardo DiCaprio's "I'm the king of the world!"

2. "Dirty Dancing": Patrick Swayze's "Nobody puts Baby in the corner."

3. "Four Weddings And A Funeral": Andie McDowell's "Is it still raining? I hadn't noticed."

3. "Ghost": Patrick Swayze's "Ditto," to Demi Moore's "I love you."

5. "Top Gun": Val Kilmer to Tom Cruise: "You can be my wingman anytime"

6. "Notting Hill": Julia Roberts' "I'm just a girl ... standing in front of a boy ... asking him to love her."

7. "Independence Day": Bill Pullman's "Today we celebrate our Independence Day!"

8. "Braveheart": Mel Gibson's "They may take our lives, but they will not take our freedom!"

9. "Jerry Maguire": Renee Zellweger to Tom Cruise: "You had me at hello."

10. "The Postman": A blind woman says to Kevin Costner: "You're a godsend, a savior." He replies: "No, I'm a postman."

Now, I really must protest the ranking here, although #1 should be number one. However, #10 really should be closer to the top spot. I didn't even see the movie - thank God, but please - "No, I'm a postman"?

As for cheesy TV, I've got my new guilty pleasure. It's called "Love is in the Heir" and it is hilarious. A real Iranian princess who lives in L.A. has to find true love (preferably with a prince or equally as wealthy) and earn a worthy living. The catch is 1)She's in L.A. where there aren't a whole bunch of royalty and 2)she thinks she can earn a living as a country singer. This really is a shame considering she's my age, but her parents are mega-wealthy and still support her (and her personal assistant) 100%.

Getting back to cheesy flicks, I got to do some movie-watching over the Turkey holiday. Best flicks (keep in mind, I'm behind the times with movies):

1) "Love Actually" - The has-been rock singer and Hugh Grant's Prime Minister are classic. One of the best lines in the movie is when the rock singer says, "Kids, listen to this word of advice from your Uncle Bill: Don't buy drugs... Become a pop star and they give them to you for free."

2) "Something's Gotta Give" - Diane Keaton is great and - nothing needs to be said about the classically, eternal Herr Nicholson. Best scene in the movie:

Erica: "What do you do, Harry."
Harry: "I own a hip hop label."
Erica: "Hip hop? Oh, you mean rap music."
Harry: "I know what you're going to say."
Erica: "Well, I just don't care for rap. It's crude, violent, and slightly misogynistic."
Harry: "You know, some people consider rap poetry."
Erica: "Yeah, but how many words can you rhyme with 'bitch'."

And just in time for the holiday season, "The Year Without a Santa Clause", starring this unsavory mutt:



Singing the best Christmas song of all time (a close second being the Grinch song): Sing along boys and girls:

http://www.northpolesantaclaus.com/video/heatmisersong.wav

Our New Baby

Baby Bro will soon be an only child (as mum is going to shoot me), but here she is...



Her name is Anna and she's our newest baby. You can tell by the fact that she's sitting in front of the range that she isn't really very big (she's just now about 3 lbs). During October, I had to house sit for SJ and she got sick so I brought her to our house so I could keep an eye on her. Over the course of about 5-6 days, I didn't think she was going to make it, but with a little help from Dr. George and the Powers that Be, she's now become the newest terrorist in the house.

Oddly, she's befriended Emmett the most. He weighs in about 16 pounds right now so it's pretty funny to watch her run up behind him and goose him right in the ass! Of course, he could take her out with one swipe of his six pound club for a paw, but he's actually quite gentlemanly.

Alas, Anna makes five, but she will be the last one for a very, very long time. I know mum will have a problem with it, but really - how the hell do you turn down a puff ball like this?