Saturday, July 01, 2006
Thursday, June 29, 2006
Deductive Reasoning
If you live in G-E-O-R-G-I-A
and,
it's the dead of S-U-M-M-E-R
and,
it's 92 degrees with 90% humidity
and,
you don't have enough money to buy a condensing unit, a line set and a few feet of duct...
and,
you truly believe you're entitled to a handout
but,
you truly think a good summer job is selling crack on the side of the road
then,
logic would have it that...
you're way too fucking stupid and lazy to have a pet.
The pigs across the street have a dog I know they are breeding to fight. The pigs next door have a puppy that they can barely feed. Neither of these animals have been spayed or neutered. How do I know that? Because they don't even know how to neuter their own family members. If a 22-year old has a four-year old kid, who needs a spay job?
One of the problems with irresponsible pet owners is that they don't fix their animals. Then the animals get out, let nature take over, then we have more animals. Since the dipshits that started this mess can't even feed their own kids, they let these animals loose and they become stray.
These stray dogs killed my cat. "Linus, the Cat, the Squirrely, Squirrely Cat" (if you know the story of the squirrels, you'll get the reference).
"Linus-of-the-jungle".
I miss my cat.
The best thing about Linus was that he HUNTED because it was his nature. I had dead squirrels, rats, mice, birds, roaches, rats... you name it - show up on my back porch when he was on patrol. This was a "thanks" for him. Had he thought anything different, he would have eaten these critters and left their bones in the woods, but he knew he had been well fed and he was only bringing me back what he could.
The first time I've ever wanted to kill an animal was when I realized these stray dogs had killed Linus. Then I re-directed that anger to where it belongs... now I'm going to kill the pigs across the street who put those dogs in that situation.
Maybe when I finish the task and they begin a run to the Pearly Gates, they will find that God is actually a four-legged furry critter and He will exact His revenge appropriately.
Rest in Peace, Linus-the-CAT. I hope you got to Heaven and realize it is actually one big CATNIP farm. I'll always miss you, Tiger.
and,
it's the dead of S-U-M-M-E-R
and,
it's 92 degrees with 90% humidity
and,
you don't have enough money to buy a condensing unit, a line set and a few feet of duct...
and,
you truly believe you're entitled to a handout
but,
you truly think a good summer job is selling crack on the side of the road
then,
logic would have it that...
you're way too fucking stupid and lazy to have a pet.
The pigs across the street have a dog I know they are breeding to fight. The pigs next door have a puppy that they can barely feed. Neither of these animals have been spayed or neutered. How do I know that? Because they don't even know how to neuter their own family members. If a 22-year old has a four-year old kid, who needs a spay job?
One of the problems with irresponsible pet owners is that they don't fix their animals. Then the animals get out, let nature take over, then we have more animals. Since the dipshits that started this mess can't even feed their own kids, they let these animals loose and they become stray.
These stray dogs killed my cat. "Linus, the Cat, the Squirrely, Squirrely Cat" (if you know the story of the squirrels, you'll get the reference).
"Linus-of-the-jungle".
I miss my cat.
The best thing about Linus was that he HUNTED because it was his nature. I had dead squirrels, rats, mice, birds, roaches, rats... you name it - show up on my back porch when he was on patrol. This was a "thanks" for him. Had he thought anything different, he would have eaten these critters and left their bones in the woods, but he knew he had been well fed and he was only bringing me back what he could.
The first time I've ever wanted to kill an animal was when I realized these stray dogs had killed Linus. Then I re-directed that anger to where it belongs... now I'm going to kill the pigs across the street who put those dogs in that situation.
Maybe when I finish the task and they begin a run to the Pearly Gates, they will find that God is actually a four-legged furry critter and He will exact His revenge appropriately.
Rest in Peace, Linus-the-CAT. I hope you got to Heaven and realize it is actually one big CATNIP farm. I'll always miss you, Tiger.
Wednesday, June 28, 2006
Why the US Should NOT have a Football Team
Because after that astonishing game yesterday where France rose up and kicked the mierda out of Spain, the only mention of the game in today's AJC was a third page pseudo-paragraph.
The US doesn't deserve a team, much less one that should go to the World Cup. If you can't make the front page of the SPORT section of this once-in-a-four-year event... go and stay HOME.
The US doesn't deserve a team, much less one that should go to the World Cup. If you can't make the front page of the SPORT section of this once-in-a-four-year event... go and stay HOME.
Tuesday, June 27, 2006
Do Not Tell Me
... that some of us didn't evolve from apes -
or ferrets -
or dorkfish -
DAMN, Vanity Fair is selling a book with portraits of all these World Cup players. Sadly, it looks like all the photos were taken just after the game. They even managed to make Boy-Becks and Zindane look like shit. Who the hell wants a book that does that?
or ferrets -
or dorkfish -
DAMN, Vanity Fair is selling a book with portraits of all these World Cup players. Sadly, it looks like all the photos were taken just after the game. They even managed to make Boy-Becks and Zindane look like shit. Who the hell wants a book that does that?
Friday, June 23, 2006
Knock, Knock
Who's there?
Orange.
Orange, who?
Orange you glad you ain't on the US football team?
That's got to be a total bum flight home. However, if you can't run with the big dawgs, stay on the porch. They say Arena will get shitcanned for the US show in Germany this year. I think they should shitcan the whole team and start over. I mean, if you're my age and heavily medicated, you shouldn't showcase your sorry ass running around a football field on international television.
Italy finally turned on the gas yesterday. You can tell that Brazil is still holding back, but by next week, they should really turn it up, too. The Germans should send the Swedes home tomorrow and hopefully BIG ORANGE will take the Portugese.
And some words of advice for fans, be sure the paint you use to show your team colours is washable, especially if it's blue and orange. Duh.
Orange.
Orange, who?
Orange you glad you ain't on the US football team?
That's got to be a total bum flight home. However, if you can't run with the big dawgs, stay on the porch. They say Arena will get shitcanned for the US show in Germany this year. I think they should shitcan the whole team and start over. I mean, if you're my age and heavily medicated, you shouldn't showcase your sorry ass running around a football field on international television.
Italy finally turned on the gas yesterday. You can tell that Brazil is still holding back, but by next week, they should really turn it up, too. The Germans should send the Swedes home tomorrow and hopefully BIG ORANGE will take the Portugese.
And some words of advice for fans, be sure the paint you use to show your team colours is washable, especially if it's blue and orange. Duh.
Destination Chill
Pick one. I'll give you a hint as to location: Es necessario que habla español aquí. AND, we won't freeze our asses off this time.
or
or
or
The middle of November would be a good time to go. That's only about 147 days.
Then there is this place...
which came highly recommended by my friend and local sadist, Nellie, who is Venezuelan (gave that one away right there).
or
or
or
The middle of November would be a good time to go. That's only about 147 days.
Then there is this place...
which came highly recommended by my friend and local sadist, Nellie, who is Venezuelan (gave that one away right there).
Seen on the Road
Bumper Sticker:
"The trouble with Baptists is they don't hold them down long enough."
I can say that because I'm Catholic living in a society submerged in Southern Baptist morals - or is that a contradiction in terms?
And;
"Fat people are harder to kidnap."
I can say that because I used to be fat and, if I don't stay away from fried green tomatoes, it may happen again.
"The trouble with Baptists is they don't hold them down long enough."
I can say that because I'm Catholic living in a society submerged in Southern Baptist morals - or is that a contradiction in terms?
And;
"Fat people are harder to kidnap."
I can say that because I used to be fat and, if I don't stay away from fried green tomatoes, it may happen again.
Thursday, June 22, 2006
How to Get into the World Cup Spirit
These are urinals in Dortmund that have little goal posts where a guy can practice his aim.
How clever.
Saturday, June 17, 2006
Things that Suck in Sports Right Now
#1 The Braves
#2 Roethlisberger (yeah, I had to look up how to spell it) doesn't need a helmet nor does he have a license. He should go to jail for just being stupid. Oh, I forgot. Someone once reminded me that "it ain't a crime to be dirty, stupid, or an asshole." Lovely how I can remember that and not my own phone number.
#3 Tiger missed the cut in a major for the first time. And, it's Father's Day weekend. Maybe he wasn't ready after all. Sorry, Tiger.
#4 The US didn't win the game today (that must have freaked out the few that read my stuff). I really am beginning to wish the US had won. I mean, the Italians played like 5-year old girls, but the U.S. whined like 5-year old girls after that red card... well, after every single call that ref made. Granted, the US got some shit calls, but every team does. Deal with it as part of the game and play.
The half time American commentators on ABC were so fucking whiney, I had to switch to Univision to finish watching the game. Even the Latin commentator said that the fans of the US need to understand that shit happens. Actually, that's not a direct quote and my Spanish is bit rusty, but I got the drift.
I can't wait to see what will come out about this in the American soccer community. But, I'm sure the fact that Italy has had some issues with gambling and whatnot... naaaaah, let's just call it a "fair-called game with a couple of hiccups".
#5 Looks like my Dutchmen might get their lunch handed to them on Wednesday. I understand the need to score goals in the early round, but SIX to nothing. I bet that was the longest ninety minutes of Serbia's soccer life. At least give the Dutch a through-and-through so the bloodletting won't be so gruesome.
And what really sucks about sports...
#6 This little nugget...
... is married....
.........oh yeah, and way too fucking young for me.
#2 Roethlisberger (yeah, I had to look up how to spell it) doesn't need a helmet nor does he have a license. He should go to jail for just being stupid. Oh, I forgot. Someone once reminded me that "it ain't a crime to be dirty, stupid, or an asshole." Lovely how I can remember that and not my own phone number.
#3 Tiger missed the cut in a major for the first time. And, it's Father's Day weekend. Maybe he wasn't ready after all. Sorry, Tiger.
#4 The US didn't win the game today (that must have freaked out the few that read my stuff). I really am beginning to wish the US had won. I mean, the Italians played like 5-year old girls, but the U.S. whined like 5-year old girls after that red card... well, after every single call that ref made. Granted, the US got some shit calls, but every team does. Deal with it as part of the game and play.
The half time American commentators on ABC were so fucking whiney, I had to switch to Univision to finish watching the game. Even the Latin commentator said that the fans of the US need to understand that shit happens. Actually, that's not a direct quote and my Spanish is bit rusty, but I got the drift.
I can't wait to see what will come out about this in the American soccer community. But, I'm sure the fact that Italy has had some issues with gambling and whatnot... naaaaah, let's just call it a "fair-called game with a couple of hiccups".
#5 Looks like my Dutchmen might get their lunch handed to them on Wednesday. I understand the need to score goals in the early round, but SIX to nothing. I bet that was the longest ninety minutes of Serbia's soccer life. At least give the Dutch a through-and-through so the bloodletting won't be so gruesome.
And what really sucks about sports...
#6 This little nugget...
... is married....
.........oh yeah, and way too fucking young for me.
Orange
I have the perfect orange dress to wear when I go to the Brewhouse on Wednesday to watch Argentina roll-up and smoke my Dutchmen.
Wednesday, June 14, 2006
Quote of the Day
This morning, after Spain kicked Ukraine in the teeth, Eric "I'm So Cool" Wynalda...
(OK, he might be an great, but he's still a dick)
... says, "This win by Spain today is good news for the US Team. At least now the US isn't the BIGGEST loser in the Cup."
OUCH.
Hang in there, USA - well until Saturday, anyway.
Sadly, Italy is going to eat your lunch.
At least the Ukraines busted their asses for 90 minutes against that Conquistador ass-whopping this morning. If y'all are still tripping on Prozac and try to play the Italians, especially after enduring your homegrown skeptics, it could get bloody.
That being said, I really thought Germany would beat Poland by at least two-nil, espeically because they were at home. But that was one hell of a game. I even found myself cheering for Poland. Congratulations to Poland for really holding their own in that game.
(OK, he might be an great, but he's still a dick)
... says, "This win by Spain today is good news for the US Team. At least now the US isn't the BIGGEST loser in the Cup."
OUCH.
Hang in there, USA - well until Saturday, anyway.
Sadly, Italy is going to eat your lunch.
At least the Ukraines busted their asses for 90 minutes against that Conquistador ass-whopping this morning. If y'all are still tripping on Prozac and try to play the Italians, especially after enduring your homegrown skeptics, it could get bloody.
That being said, I really thought Germany would beat Poland by at least two-nil, espeically because they were at home. But that was one hell of a game. I even found myself cheering for Poland. Congratulations to Poland for really holding their own in that game.
Monday, June 12, 2006
U.S. Ass-Whipping
The United States football team got their ass handed to them by some pretty tricky Czechs. I mean, d-a-m-n. What a blood bath that was. Who the hell made the US the 5th best team in the world?? They were sound, fucking asleep today. Now, between that and the Italian whopping of Ghana (I'd feel bad for them, but they were playing dirty ball in the end), my prediction is the US won't be going to the Quarterfinals this time. I don't think they'll even score any points if they don't step it up. The Italy-Ghana game was all-balls-out.
But, the absolute BEST game of the day was the Aussie mauling of the Japanese, especially when the Japs got that bullshit goal and the Aussies scored THREE points in 10 minutes. HOLY Shit! What a game. Kangas all over the place.
But, the absolute BEST game of the day was the Aussie mauling of the Japanese, especially when the Japs got that bullshit goal and the Aussies scored THREE points in 10 minutes. HOLY Shit! What a game. Kangas all over the place.
Sunday, June 11, 2006
Epistemic Access
Sounds like a really big SAT concept, but it's nothing.
Really, really nothing.
If we cannot understand that there are alternate realities, we can never really understand what we are doing here. If quantum physics cannot explain this, what make us think we can? If the brain can "see" 4 billion parts of reality, but our noodle can only process about 2,000 of those pieces, what is the Reality. Or is there such a thing? The possiblities are endless and facinating.
How far down the Rabbit hole can you go?
Too bad I don't have any peyote or pot. I could Mentally lose myself and how sweet would THAT be.
Right now, Reality = Dutch ass-whooping, Mexican ass-whooping and the best godamn homemade "Heath bar", cookie-cream, chocolate chip ice cream ever. Can you say, "another ten miles on the treadmill"? MY reality.
Really, really nothing.
If we cannot understand that there are alternate realities, we can never really understand what we are doing here. If quantum physics cannot explain this, what make us think we can? If the brain can "see" 4 billion parts of reality, but our noodle can only process about 2,000 of those pieces, what is the Reality. Or is there such a thing? The possiblities are endless and facinating.
How far down the Rabbit hole can you go?
Too bad I don't have any peyote or pot. I could Mentally lose myself and how sweet would THAT be.
Right now, Reality = Dutch ass-whooping, Mexican ass-whooping and the best godamn homemade "Heath bar", cookie-cream, chocolate chip ice cream ever. Can you say, "another ten miles on the treadmill"? MY reality.
Saturday, June 10, 2006
Friday, June 09, 2006
I'm Anti-American
OK, so I've been accused of being Anti-American.
Is that because I think Bush is a MOE-ron Puppet?
Or because I think the direction of this country is backwards?
Or because I think Ann Coulter is a stupid ass?
Or because I think Democracy needs a facelift?
Or because I want to leave and move to a different country?
OR -----
(And I really don't give a shit) ----
because the same folks that bitch to me never know that I have the bloodlines of a real American...
That would be called a NATIVE American.
Not "African-American"
Not "Mexican-American"
I am a fucking N-A-T-I-V-E American - Choctow/Chickasaw.
You have to know... That means that my family was here FIRST - very, very first. I mean before whitey-English-man came over and stole this country, then ran off or killed every native that was here. Do NOT speak to me about taking over another person's land. What whitey did to the REAL Americans is unbelievable, and still mostly unspoken. I really have a scratch on my butt to go to write more scathing remarks, but I'll behave.
Just shut those stupid, whitey, Republican, land-grabbing, dickheads up for 10 seconds.
If you had to live across the street (and now next door) to a bunch of non-productive pigs who do nothing but suck the blood out of society (and sell the one drug that makes them more money that I can earn in 10 years), then whine about the fact that they want to be repaid for their days as slaves 200 years ago... kiss my Redskin ass. Choctow and Chichawas are a beautiful people that were murdered and annihilated long before CNN and FoxNews knew anything about them.
Yeah, I'm bitter, but I do NOT like people to stupidly, ignorantly, and sadly forget the ones that were here first. That's not a good place to be as a "country".
To call me an Anti-American means, I have the right to kick you in the teeth. But since I'm not of the violent type, I'll just give you some peyote tea and I'll talk you into jumping off a cliff.
Is that because I think Bush is a MOE-ron Puppet?
Or because I think the direction of this country is backwards?
Or because I think Ann Coulter is a stupid ass?
Or because I think Democracy needs a facelift?
Or because I want to leave and move to a different country?
OR -----
(And I really don't give a shit) ----
because the same folks that bitch to me never know that I have the bloodlines of a real American...
That would be called a NATIVE American.
Not "African-American"
Not "Mexican-American"
I am a fucking N-A-T-I-V-E American - Choctow/Chickasaw.
You have to know... That means that my family was here FIRST - very, very first. I mean before whitey-English-man came over and stole this country, then ran off or killed every native that was here. Do NOT speak to me about taking over another person's land. What whitey did to the REAL Americans is unbelievable, and still mostly unspoken. I really have a scratch on my butt to go to write more scathing remarks, but I'll behave.
Just shut those stupid, whitey, Republican, land-grabbing, dickheads up for 10 seconds.
If you had to live across the street (and now next door) to a bunch of non-productive pigs who do nothing but suck the blood out of society (and sell the one drug that makes them more money that I can earn in 10 years), then whine about the fact that they want to be repaid for their days as slaves 200 years ago... kiss my Redskin ass. Choctow and Chichawas are a beautiful people that were murdered and annihilated long before CNN and FoxNews knew anything about them.
Yeah, I'm bitter, but I do NOT like people to stupidly, ignorantly, and sadly forget the ones that were here first. That's not a good place to be as a "country".
To call me an Anti-American means, I have the right to kick you in the teeth. But since I'm not of the violent type, I'll just give you some peyote tea and I'll talk you into jumping off a cliff.
Thursday, June 08, 2006
In the News
Well, you wake up to find the US has knocked off an Islamic terrorist - a big one, but a terrorist nonetheless. Let me make a prediction here, Bush (who ironically has had little to say thus far - alright, it's only 5 AM and he's probably still a little sleepy bear) will take allllllll the credit and the half-wit, right-wing nutjobs will boost his approval ratings and re-take the small grounds the lefters have gained in Congress.
Meanwhile, this is the opinion I'll stick with:
Islamist expert Yasser al-Sirry
"Zarqawi's death, if confirmed, will have little effect on the jihad in Iraq."
"He made clear several times that he is the leader of one faction that is fighting under the Mujahideen Council umbrella. I expect no let up in the jihad, maybe even an escalation as his followers wage retribution killings."
Sirry said he would only be sure of Zarqawi's death when Al Qaeda announced it: "They will not shy from announcing it, after all, he is a martyr."
I mean, it's kinda like me killing a cockroach in the bathroom. Now that he's taken the big swirl, do I really believe that will be the last one I have to kill? We've had no rain here in two weeks (no, I'm not in Phoenix). That means that roaches and every other critter are looking for water. Kinda your little insecta-jihad.
Meanwhile, the biggest pictures to come out of the Middle East are the ones of the dead bodies from Haditha. Now, when a bunch of US Marines go postal on some fucking Hillbillies in Po-dunk Iraq, I think we need to re-think our strategies. Just my opinion, folks.
Also in the news:
"Hartsfield earns top global efficiency award" Whaaaa?
"A study released this week rated Hartsfield-Jackson International Airport as the most productive in the world when operating costs were balanced against flights and cargo handled, passengers moved and revenue generated."
OH! "When compared to 'operating costs'."
That explains it.
24 hours and the Cup begins. This should be interesting. I hope the boss doesn't actually expect me to be in that office three or four hours a day for the next two weeks. REALLY, how silly. Oh, a German is pissed off because Budweiser paid 40 Million for the pouring rights at the games. If I were German, I'd be pissed, too. Hell, I'm not German, but I wouldn't touch Budweiser if I were dying on an island surrounded by piss. Might as well be in a raft as close to water as that is. However, if Warsteiner couldn't come up with the duckies to pour at their own games, who's the dumbass? Still, Budweiser - at a World Cup football match - IN Germany? Whoda thunk it. The power of commercializism.
Oh, and lastly, my horoscope says, "No one will be able to predict what you are going to do today. Be ready for an emotional scene."
I'm sorry, but this isn't a horoscope, it's the quote that will be etched into my fucking headstone.
Meanwhile, this is the opinion I'll stick with:
Islamist expert Yasser al-Sirry
"Zarqawi's death, if confirmed, will have little effect on the jihad in Iraq."
"He made clear several times that he is the leader of one faction that is fighting under the Mujahideen Council umbrella. I expect no let up in the jihad, maybe even an escalation as his followers wage retribution killings."
Sirry said he would only be sure of Zarqawi's death when Al Qaeda announced it: "They will not shy from announcing it, after all, he is a martyr."
I mean, it's kinda like me killing a cockroach in the bathroom. Now that he's taken the big swirl, do I really believe that will be the last one I have to kill? We've had no rain here in two weeks (no, I'm not in Phoenix). That means that roaches and every other critter are looking for water. Kinda your little insecta-jihad.
Meanwhile, the biggest pictures to come out of the Middle East are the ones of the dead bodies from Haditha. Now, when a bunch of US Marines go postal on some fucking Hillbillies in Po-dunk Iraq, I think we need to re-think our strategies. Just my opinion, folks.
Also in the news:
"Hartsfield earns top global efficiency award" Whaaaa?
"A study released this week rated Hartsfield-Jackson International Airport as the most productive in the world when operating costs were balanced against flights and cargo handled, passengers moved and revenue generated."
OH! "When compared to 'operating costs'."
That explains it.
24 hours and the Cup begins. This should be interesting. I hope the boss doesn't actually expect me to be in that office three or four hours a day for the next two weeks. REALLY, how silly. Oh, a German is pissed off because Budweiser paid 40 Million for the pouring rights at the games. If I were German, I'd be pissed, too. Hell, I'm not German, but I wouldn't touch Budweiser if I were dying on an island surrounded by piss. Might as well be in a raft as close to water as that is. However, if Warsteiner couldn't come up with the duckies to pour at their own games, who's the dumbass? Still, Budweiser - at a World Cup football match - IN Germany? Whoda thunk it. The power of commercializism.
Oh, and lastly, my horoscope says, "No one will be able to predict what you are going to do today. Be ready for an emotional scene."
I'm sorry, but this isn't a horoscope, it's the quote that will be etched into my fucking headstone.
Tuesday, June 06, 2006
Truth-isms
Ann Coulter is a stupid bitch.
OUCH! Did that offend you???? Ohhhhh, sooooo sorry! I mean, I actually live to write shit that makes everyone feel-good and touchy-feely.
Seriously, though, stop reading now, 'cause it won't get any sweeter, I promise.
Back to it..
Ron White is a fucking genius.
True Southerners are intellegent, rednecks and hillbillies are wannabees.
True Southerns know the difference.
Those who cannot cook, should not. They should hire those who can cook. Food is essential to human existence. You should not fuck around with food. Sorry, if I offend any cavemen.
Speaking of existence, don't ever, ever, EVER, try to quote an existentialist when you don't know what the fuck you're talking about. My whole life was spent in parochial school where we were force-fed every godamn philosopher on the planet. Oh, then I went to college and had (actually, I chose) to learn even more about this shit. The reason they call it "existentialist" is the prefix, "E-X-I-T". Have at it. Die and be done. I prefer other options. I know existentialism like the back of my fucking hand and I know how to rage against the machine. Read Camus and feel the real pain of existence (a good started for novices is, "The Plague"). Or better yet, test drive Doestoevsky. Nothing like, "The Idiot" to really make you appreciate life. I've even tried to learn Russian so I could get the real meaning - since English translaters are suck fuckwits (thanks to an Irish friend for that very descriptive noun).
Today is 06-06-06. So many freaking Bible-thumpers are crawling out of the woodwork today because of some numbers. That being said, my Mum, her good friend, and my cat were born on this day. I think it's a beautiful day. Bible-thumpers should rethink their priorities. After all, they have that Ann Coulter to deal with. If she were my poster-child, I'd have to reconsider my subscription.
Four days- WORLD CUP. Four years since the last tournie. Sadly, apparently, racism is not just an American concept. I have lived in Germany for a long while and never saw it, but it seems to be huge in certain parts of Europe. The FIFA Pres. said he won't tolerate it, but that will be something to watch. Baby Bro, who is huge footballer fan/player, says that it was a really ballsy statement, but since football is a national sport and nationals tend to be facist, well, again - lets see what happens.
Speaking of football - I read in the Irish Times that England had already made arrangemnts for their victory party... My prediction... I hope they have lots of Vatapá and Churrasco 'cause Brazil is gonna eat their lunch. If I were a betting man that would be my call, but I would love to see Germany or Italy take home the Cup. Thank you so much ESPN and ABC for showing the games. Saves me the money of going to the Brewhouse, although that is definately on the roster for the final.
Speaking of football., why does a child,
born with three arms, need one removed?
Three arms would make him the best goalie on the planet.
Damn, I guess I'm going to hell for that one, too, but it should be a good ride. Dolyniuk used to say she had the "Golden Seat", but I might qualify faster, especially with this newly found pissy attitude.
OUCH! Did that offend you???? Ohhhhh, sooooo sorry! I mean, I actually live to write shit that makes everyone feel-good and touchy-feely.
Seriously, though, stop reading now, 'cause it won't get any sweeter, I promise.
Back to it..
Ron White is a fucking genius.
True Southerners are intellegent, rednecks and hillbillies are wannabees.
True Southerns know the difference.
Those who cannot cook, should not. They should hire those who can cook. Food is essential to human existence. You should not fuck around with food. Sorry, if I offend any cavemen.
Speaking of existence, don't ever, ever, EVER, try to quote an existentialist when you don't know what the fuck you're talking about. My whole life was spent in parochial school where we were force-fed every godamn philosopher on the planet. Oh, then I went to college and had (actually, I chose) to learn even more about this shit. The reason they call it "existentialist" is the prefix, "E-X-I-T". Have at it. Die and be done. I prefer other options. I know existentialism like the back of my fucking hand and I know how to rage against the machine. Read Camus and feel the real pain of existence (a good started for novices is, "The Plague"). Or better yet, test drive Doestoevsky. Nothing like, "The Idiot" to really make you appreciate life. I've even tried to learn Russian so I could get the real meaning - since English translaters are suck fuckwits (thanks to an Irish friend for that very descriptive noun).
Today is 06-06-06. So many freaking Bible-thumpers are crawling out of the woodwork today because of some numbers. That being said, my Mum, her good friend, and my cat were born on this day. I think it's a beautiful day. Bible-thumpers should rethink their priorities. After all, they have that Ann Coulter to deal with. If she were my poster-child, I'd have to reconsider my subscription.
Four days- WORLD CUP. Four years since the last tournie. Sadly, apparently, racism is not just an American concept. I have lived in Germany for a long while and never saw it, but it seems to be huge in certain parts of Europe. The FIFA Pres. said he won't tolerate it, but that will be something to watch. Baby Bro, who is huge footballer fan/player, says that it was a really ballsy statement, but since football is a national sport and nationals tend to be facist, well, again - lets see what happens.
Speaking of football - I read in the Irish Times that England had already made arrangemnts for their victory party... My prediction... I hope they have lots of Vatapá and Churrasco 'cause Brazil is gonna eat their lunch. If I were a betting man that would be my call, but I would love to see Germany or Italy take home the Cup. Thank you so much ESPN and ABC for showing the games. Saves me the money of going to the Brewhouse, although that is definately on the roster for the final.
Speaking of football., why does a child,
born with three arms, need one removed?
Three arms would make him the best goalie on the planet.
Damn, I guess I'm going to hell for that one, too, but it should be a good ride. Dolyniuk used to say she had the "Golden Seat", but I might qualify faster, especially with this newly found pissy attitude.
Monday, June 05, 2006
My Quote
I can do this in Spanish, German or Italian, and even in French, but English works well for me...
MY BLOG =
Writer be F-R-E-E
Reader be W-A-R-E.
AKA, if you don't like what I write, don't fucking read it.
This isn't rocket science.
Duh?
MY BLOG =
Writer be F-R-E-E
Reader be W-A-R-E.
AKA, if you don't like what I write, don't fucking read it.
This isn't rocket science.
Duh?
And So I'm Published...
Not much, but I made the AJC anyway...
When David's sister died and the funeral was intended for 48 hours later, I called to get a "bereavement flight". This, in the salad days, was a flight that the airlines could give you at a discount. Considering I didn't have seven days notice (thanks, Beck for not telling me a week ago that you were going to kick the bucket) and it was the end of the month and all my money was going toward Ireland, well, I just had to vent. This actually made the editorial though, so considering only four people on the planet read my blog, I figured I'd advertize.
Anyway, it was going to be $1,000 so David could get to the funeral. However, the previous week, a Delta CEO was given a severance package upwards of 200 million. Yup, that made me a bit pissy...
Hell, I'd send the link, but you can look at ajc.com for May 24th and see my name and bitch session.
When David's sister died and the funeral was intended for 48 hours later, I called to get a "bereavement flight". This, in the salad days, was a flight that the airlines could give you at a discount. Considering I didn't have seven days notice (thanks, Beck for not telling me a week ago that you were going to kick the bucket) and it was the end of the month and all my money was going toward Ireland, well, I just had to vent. This actually made the editorial though, so considering only four people on the planet read my blog, I figured I'd advertize.
Anyway, it was going to be $1,000 so David could get to the funeral. However, the previous week, a Delta CEO was given a severance package upwards of 200 million. Yup, that made me a bit pissy...
Hell, I'd send the link, but you can look at ajc.com for May 24th and see my name and bitch session.
Sunday, June 04, 2006
Ireland
I can't say enough about how awesome Ireland was. Definately a place I will return to and sooner than later. Maybe by this autumn. Here are some of the best photos, most of which are chronologically listed. Here's Mum at JFK.
Mummy and I met in New York. Stupidly, we flew into LaGuardia and took the shuttle to JFK. Do NOT ever do this. It costs $13 per person and it can take 2 hours to get to JFK, even though they say it's only 45 minutes. Take a cab. Same price, much faster. However, we had a long enough layover and Mummy was smart enough to be a Crown Room member. Gotta love the Crown Room!
The flight over was not too cool. I guess we didn't think to get the first class seats so we were in coach and I had the only seat that would not recline. Oh, and the movie was, "King Kong". Holy shit what a horror. Then, we actually landed in Dublin for a couple of hours, then flew back to Shannon. What's up with that? Of course, Delta sent Mum's bag to Ft. Lauderdale. I felt sorry for the chick who's bag wound up in Shannon. Ah well, off to the car rental place. Let me tell you, this has been an issue I've been most worried about. I've never driven on the wrong side of the car, on the wrong side of the road. Mum took over first, though. And off to Newgrange did we go.
Now, here in America, if you see a sign that says, "XXX City: 121 km", you think, OK, that should be about an hour drive. This is NOT the case in Ireland. First, the speed limit (when you're lucky) is 100 km and hour. This is when you aren't stuck behind a big truck, on a no passing road. Second, whilst on the subject of roads, we're talking bike paths here, not highways. THIS is why we rent itty-bitty cars. Anyway, after stopping for lunch, I took over driving. It wasn't too bad until we hit Dublin. This was NOT cool. It took us over 2 hours to get through Dublin. By the time we headed north to Newgrange, I was a little cranky. Jetlagged, frayed nerves, and traffic make Susie-Q a cranky little bee-atch. However, when you pull into a place that looks like this...
...things start really looking up. The lady that owned the B&B was Mrs. Aisling Law. What a sweet woman. She apparently lost her husband on Christmas of 2004. You could tell she was still a very sad lady, but as kind and gracious as anyone I've ever met. She had a housekeeper and a butler-type who reminded us of Michael from "Waking Ned Devine".
The next day, we go on our tour of Newgrange. Now, I had no idea what Newgrange, or Knowth was because I didn't read all the books on the history of Ireland as my traveling partner had. This kid (I'm pretty sure he was an archeological student) gave us a tour and this place is facinating. It's kinda involved, but basically Newgrange is a mononlithic burial site that is engineered such that five days a year, during the winter solstace, the sun comes through the roof and illuminates the interior of the structure. Pretty impressive shit when you consider this place is over 5,000 years old and I'm almost positive their surveying equipment was less than par. This is what Newgrange looks like to all you slackers that will never get to go yourselves...
Finishing up in Newgrange, it was time to trek clear across the country - again - and head to Dingle. This is where the meat of the stay would be. I was concerned that we wouldn't have enough to do there since we would be there for four days, but when you have a full blown spa and shopping and pubs, well...suffice it to say, I could live there and not get bored.
But before I get to Dingle, I must tell you about the dumbest idea I've had in a long, long time. I guess Mum wasn't all that bright either, because she agreed to it. Because I did NOT want to deal with Dublin traffic, I suggested that we take this "smaller" road around Dublin to catch the N7 (this is Ireland's idea of a highway). Now, we didn't necessarily get lost, but we did trek along the most narrow road - bike path - and never got over 40 km an hour. It took me 2 hours to find a little place called Kilcock and that wasn't even our final destination or even close. It was just a town that I figured if we could find, we wouldn't be considered "lost". As Mummy would say, "Well, we wanted to see Ireland, we got to see it". I don't have any pictures of this little jaunt as I was white-knuckling the steering wheel and Mother had a death grip on the Jesus bar (which happened to be the emergency break).
Needless to say, it took 8 hours to drive a mere 140 km (yes, for all of you Irish travelling veterns out there, laugh your asses off, now). By the time we hit the Dingle Penninsula, I was kicking at mach speed over the mountains in our itty-bitty little car and I know Mum was picturing a Snoopy manuever into the ocean. Naturally, the first stop at the Skelling Hotel was the pub.
The second day, we went shopping. The hotel was walking distance from the town, but since it was raining, we drove anyway. More narrow streets, but this is Dingle...
And these are itty-bitty streets
Now might be a good time to talk about the F-O-O-D in Ireland. Before we left, I had to cater a party for St. Patrick's Day. I had a hell of a time trying to find good Irish recipes, you know besides the potatoes-thing. I had no idea how good the food was. We stopped in a music store in town and this wonderful lady suggested we go to the best restaurant in Dingle called, "Out of the Blue". Their slogan is "no meat eaters allowed. If there is no fresh fish, we're not open". Absolutely amazing food...
Yeah, it looks like a real shithole, but don't let that fool you. If you ever go to Dingle, you MUST eat here.
Alright, so now it's Sunday. This is the day that we were planning to spend most of the day in the spa. Between facials, hydrotherapy, massages, hot tubs, saunas, and whatever else you could want, the question then became, "Can you get too relaxed??". My answer: an unequivocal, NO". For all you slugs out there who will never get to do the Irish spa thing... this is what it looks like
Monday we decided to go out on a boat and look for the famous Dolphin, Fungi. Now, here's what the harbour looked like on Monday
Notice the rain clouds and the white capping ocean there, folks??. Did I mention that one of the several things I forgot to pack on this trip was a coat? Yeah, I bought a tweed shawl, which provided me so much fucking warmth - not, as we were heading out into the open ocean to look for a godamn fish. Here's another image (actually Fungi did come out, we just couldn't get a picture in time (again, notice the white capping)
So after getting back to town, we decided it would be best to head straight back to the spa where the steam room awaited to thaw us out. Then it was off to the pub for an early supper. The Irish seem to really like fried garlic mushrooms, so I tried some. These are keepers, folks. I'll have to turn my catering partner on to these things.
My wishful second home...
Mummy in the Pub
That night we had tickets to see Pauline Scanlon and her entourage play at a very old church in town. Here's me in front of the church - notice there aren't any lightning bolts coming out of the sky!!
Here's Pauline, Donogh, and Eva playing at the church...
I guess I could have taken a better picture. Anyway, here's her website... check out her music. It really is amazing
http://www.paulinescanlon.com/
So, the next morning, it was time to head back toward the airport as Wednesday would be the most depressing day of the year... aka the return to home day. When we got to the dining hall for breakfast, this is what we saw out the window...
Notice how the water is like glass? Oh, and the sun is shining brightly? I guess we couldn't go looking for that fucking fish on a day like this, huh?
Seriously, though, it was so beautiful it hurt my heart. Then, on the way to Bunratty, we saw images like this...
And like this (the only picture I got with Mummy the whole trip)
OK, enough pitty-party - time for more historic Ireland... Bunratty Castle! This was a suggestion of an Irish friend and he made an excellent call. This was a really cool castle. Considering most of the castles I've seen were in Germany and had been bombed out during different wars, this castle was actually restored and as a construction person, I absolutely love restorations.
Here I am next to the Dungeon - how apropos... flashbacks of my childhood
The next morning, we were off again, this time home. We had a five hour layover in New York because planes don't fly that often into Portland so Mummy and I hung out in the Crown Room and tried not to crash and burn. My flight home was four hours late and Delta sent my bag to LA so I was not happy in the least. But my house did not burn down and my cats were happy to see me, so all is good again.
I've already started planning the next trip. Again, it will be a spa deal and I'm tossing two places around in my little brain...
or
I've got enough catering lined up over the next three or four months that this should be a well deserved trip!
Happy Birthday, Mummy and Me.
PS To family, if you want more pictures, we have them, I just wanted to post some here so as not to clog up your email. Thank you so much for everything!
Sunday, May 21, 2006
I'm Not Having a Bad Day...
... but these guys are
They all woke up this morning to find their mugshots on the front page of the AJC. They (and others) got caught in a sting operation pulled off by Peachtree City Police (surprise, surprise; the rednecks can be tricky). Speaking of tricky, these guys got busted trying to have sex with a 14-year old girl. Turns out the "girl" was a 30 year old cop who met these guys online.
Not only did the AJC post their pictures, but godamn personal biographies as well. One guy had five kids. Another had a 14-year old daughter. Several of these sickos worked in elementary schools. Lord, someone please explain why anyone would want to have sex with a 14-year old!!
Also having a bad day: Lt. Gov. Landrieu. He lost to his chocolate counterpart in a bid for New Orleans mayor. The only thing that surprised me is that the race was as close as it was. Now let's see how long it will take all of Nagen's campaign shit down here in Atlanta.
On a much more serious note, these two guys are also having a really bad day
I couldn't believe this shit when I saw it. They say the break is so bad, they may have to put Barbero down. If I were Prado, I'd ask to have ME put down. Damn, some of the pictures are really heartbreaking. Check them out at ajc.com.
They all woke up this morning to find their mugshots on the front page of the AJC. They (and others) got caught in a sting operation pulled off by Peachtree City Police (surprise, surprise; the rednecks can be tricky). Speaking of tricky, these guys got busted trying to have sex with a 14-year old girl. Turns out the "girl" was a 30 year old cop who met these guys online.
Not only did the AJC post their pictures, but godamn personal biographies as well. One guy had five kids. Another had a 14-year old daughter. Several of these sickos worked in elementary schools. Lord, someone please explain why anyone would want to have sex with a 14-year old!!
Also having a bad day: Lt. Gov. Landrieu. He lost to his chocolate counterpart in a bid for New Orleans mayor. The only thing that surprised me is that the race was as close as it was. Now let's see how long it will take all of Nagen's campaign shit down here in Atlanta.
On a much more serious note, these two guys are also having a really bad day
I couldn't believe this shit when I saw it. They say the break is so bad, they may have to put Barbero down. If I were Prado, I'd ask to have ME put down. Damn, some of the pictures are really heartbreaking. Check them out at ajc.com.
Friday, May 19, 2006
The Hits Just Keep on Coming
So, I drop David off late to the airport this morning and get a flat tire on the way to work. Stuck on the Interstate at rush hour trying to change a flat and how many Southern gentlement stop to help... nada, niente, niche. Not one sorry son of a bitch.
I just came home and found the living room infested with ants. I have no idea where they are coming from and I'm allergic to ants. Why couldn't it have been bees?? Or even snakes? I'm not allergic to them.
Oh, and speaking of critters, AmberGrace puked all over the only two rugs in the house. Good, green puke, too. 1,400 square feet of hardwood floor and she has to hit the only 2 feet of fucking throw rug I own.
Oh, and there's something wrong with my phone. It won't turn on and I have no idea what has happened to it. I can charge it, that's it. So, until I can get to a Cingular store, I will have no phone. David apparently took both of his with him.
I'm going down to run (that is unless the power drops in which case I will drive out and by some nicotine patches).
And lastly, if the Pigs across the street don't shut that fucking dog up, they will become the victims of my wrath. I almost feel sorry for them.
When am I leaving again?
No wonder my fucking hair is falling out.
Yeah, I do think I'm going after the pigs.
I just came home and found the living room infested with ants. I have no idea where they are coming from and I'm allergic to ants. Why couldn't it have been bees?? Or even snakes? I'm not allergic to them.
Oh, and speaking of critters, AmberGrace puked all over the only two rugs in the house. Good, green puke, too. 1,400 square feet of hardwood floor and she has to hit the only 2 feet of fucking throw rug I own.
Oh, and there's something wrong with my phone. It won't turn on and I have no idea what has happened to it. I can charge it, that's it. So, until I can get to a Cingular store, I will have no phone. David apparently took both of his with him.
I'm going down to run (that is unless the power drops in which case I will drive out and by some nicotine patches).
And lastly, if the Pigs across the street don't shut that fucking dog up, they will become the victims of my wrath. I almost feel sorry for them.
When am I leaving again?
No wonder my fucking hair is falling out.
Yeah, I do think I'm going after the pigs.
Sunday, May 14, 2006
Mother's Day
Happy Mother's Day to all you Mums out there. I've received a couple of calls since I have cats. I guess that means I'm "qualified".
This is a sad reminder to many Mums out there...
This lady lost her son in a war. She is more an absentee-mum. Or, I guess it should be a Mum of an "absentee-son". There is absolutely no reason why any lady should be called that. Simply criminal.
Here in the ATL, some woman didn't want to become a Mum. That's why she left her newborn in a plastic bag in a slum park. I'm so happy to know that if the Supreme Court overturns Row vs. Wade and State Legislature gets to rule, Georgia will be one of the first (behind Texas, Arkansas, Mississippi, lest we forget South Dakota) to outlaw abortion. Shit, just overpopulate the lower class with poor, unwanted, abused and abandoned children and I see the makings of "Les Miserables", revised. Talk about a class-schism. How 'bout a society with two classes... the upper elite and the lower, sewer dwellers who can wait on the others.
This is a sad reminder to many Mums out there...
This lady lost her son in a war. She is more an absentee-mum. Or, I guess it should be a Mum of an "absentee-son". There is absolutely no reason why any lady should be called that. Simply criminal.
Here in the ATL, some woman didn't want to become a Mum. That's why she left her newborn in a plastic bag in a slum park. I'm so happy to know that if the Supreme Court overturns Row vs. Wade and State Legislature gets to rule, Georgia will be one of the first (behind Texas, Arkansas, Mississippi, lest we forget South Dakota) to outlaw abortion. Shit, just overpopulate the lower class with poor, unwanted, abused and abandoned children and I see the makings of "Les Miserables", revised. Talk about a class-schism. How 'bout a society with two classes... the upper elite and the lower, sewer dwellers who can wait on the others.
Friday, May 05, 2006
In the News
But, first, my boy yet again...
Yeah!! Talk about payback. I can't remember the last time I heard so many Americans say such wonderful things about Mexicans!!! Hell there's even talk about traveling to Mexico and staying (legally, of course). I mean, the gringos are just screaming, "Hell, Jose, stay here if you want, but we're headed south since our new buddy, Vicente Fox, has decided to legalize drugs". Cozumel, anyone? Actually, he's not legalizing drugs so don't get your panties in a twist. He's simply trying to ease up on some of the more violent aspects of the illegal drug trade. Chances are he'll balk, though. Too many rightwing nutjobs will try to tell him that all of our hard-working Americans (you know the ones who's jobs the Mexicans have stolen) will all head south-of-the-border to partake in some ganga bash.
Also in the news...
Rummie got his ass handed to him last night, right here in my yard. Never underestimate a really pissed off old, Southern woman who looks like she should be knitting sockies for her grandkids, yet comes to a press conference for Rumsfeld, carrying a flag that said, "Guilty of War Crimes". A couple of other folks chucked up other comments, and although it wasn't a big stir, it was a stir nonetheless - and it was the first story last night on NBC. See, some of us in Atlanta do have some common sense even if DipShit #1 (and Benedict Arnold) has come out in support of our Nazi-Governor's re-election (if you aren't from here, I'm referring to the Zell). We also have TweedleDumb (Johnny Isakson) and TweedleDumber (Phil Gingrey) ringing the "Rummie is so cool" bell. Puke.
Speaking of Isakson and Gingrey, I do have to give them a minute bit of praise in that they have decided to pair with John Kerry and John Tierney to pass a comprehensive bill making internet child porn a more punishable crime. This is only after they heard testimony from a 13-year old Russian girl, who at the age of five, was adopted by a sicko-pigshit-bastard and repeatedly raped and tortured from day one. Oh, and then this sicko-pigshit-bastard posted her naked pictures all over the Web. It's stories like this that really make me question my anti-capitol punishment stand.
And someone else I'd like to personally punch in the testicles? The asshole who allowed a sinkhole to form in Piedmont park where this little guy...
fell to his death after being swept away by a raging flow of raw sewage.
His owner isn't suing the City. I wouldn't bother, either. I'd be selling Mexican crack to Rush Limbaugh to earn enough money to pay for a big, hairy guy named Guido to head over to the Park Management division at City hall and eat someone a new asshole.
Also in the news... Unwanted pregnancy rises in poor women. Hello? Someone actually pissed away money to prove this?
Also, in the news... Doctor's in the UK defend a woman's right to become a mother at 63. Come on, peeps. Sixty-fucking-three? How rude is that to a child. Shit, that's old enough that there's a very good chance that both mother and son will be in nappies at the same time. What's wrong with that picture?
But back to home-grown news... Gwinnett County Police are Boasting the Arrest of one of America's Most Wanted. Yeah, you go, boys! How many men did they need to tackle this bad ass? Did anyone get shot during the arrest? How exactly did it happen? As dangerous as this may sound. Here's the story...
A man broke into an apartment complex and kicked out the tenant. Then he proceeded to eat all of the guy's food and drank all of his booze. He then passed out on the couch. Meanwhile, the tenant went to the police and brought them back to the apartment where they handcuffed Sleeping Beauty, then woke him up and carted him off to jail, where they found he was wanted in several states for murder and other crimes. Now that, my sistas, is godamn great policework. Hell, it is Gwinnett County. I surprised they handcuffed the guy before they woke him up. Talk about a hangover.
Yeah!! Talk about payback. I can't remember the last time I heard so many Americans say such wonderful things about Mexicans!!! Hell there's even talk about traveling to Mexico and staying (legally, of course). I mean, the gringos are just screaming, "Hell, Jose, stay here if you want, but we're headed south since our new buddy, Vicente Fox, has decided to legalize drugs". Cozumel, anyone? Actually, he's not legalizing drugs so don't get your panties in a twist. He's simply trying to ease up on some of the more violent aspects of the illegal drug trade. Chances are he'll balk, though. Too many rightwing nutjobs will try to tell him that all of our hard-working Americans (you know the ones who's jobs the Mexicans have stolen) will all head south-of-the-border to partake in some ganga bash.
Also in the news...
Rummie got his ass handed to him last night, right here in my yard. Never underestimate a really pissed off old, Southern woman who looks like she should be knitting sockies for her grandkids, yet comes to a press conference for Rumsfeld, carrying a flag that said, "Guilty of War Crimes". A couple of other folks chucked up other comments, and although it wasn't a big stir, it was a stir nonetheless - and it was the first story last night on NBC. See, some of us in Atlanta do have some common sense even if DipShit #1 (and Benedict Arnold) has come out in support of our Nazi-Governor's re-election (if you aren't from here, I'm referring to the Zell). We also have TweedleDumb (Johnny Isakson) and TweedleDumber (Phil Gingrey) ringing the "Rummie is so cool" bell. Puke.
Speaking of Isakson and Gingrey, I do have to give them a minute bit of praise in that they have decided to pair with John Kerry and John Tierney to pass a comprehensive bill making internet child porn a more punishable crime. This is only after they heard testimony from a 13-year old Russian girl, who at the age of five, was adopted by a sicko-pigshit-bastard and repeatedly raped and tortured from day one. Oh, and then this sicko-pigshit-bastard posted her naked pictures all over the Web. It's stories like this that really make me question my anti-capitol punishment stand.
And someone else I'd like to personally punch in the testicles? The asshole who allowed a sinkhole to form in Piedmont park where this little guy...
fell to his death after being swept away by a raging flow of raw sewage.
His owner isn't suing the City. I wouldn't bother, either. I'd be selling Mexican crack to Rush Limbaugh to earn enough money to pay for a big, hairy guy named Guido to head over to the Park Management division at City hall and eat someone a new asshole.
Also in the news... Unwanted pregnancy rises in poor women. Hello? Someone actually pissed away money to prove this?
Also, in the news... Doctor's in the UK defend a woman's right to become a mother at 63. Come on, peeps. Sixty-fucking-three? How rude is that to a child. Shit, that's old enough that there's a very good chance that both mother and son will be in nappies at the same time. What's wrong with that picture?
But back to home-grown news... Gwinnett County Police are Boasting the Arrest of one of America's Most Wanted. Yeah, you go, boys! How many men did they need to tackle this bad ass? Did anyone get shot during the arrest? How exactly did it happen? As dangerous as this may sound. Here's the story...
A man broke into an apartment complex and kicked out the tenant. Then he proceeded to eat all of the guy's food and drank all of his booze. He then passed out on the couch. Meanwhile, the tenant went to the police and brought them back to the apartment where they handcuffed Sleeping Beauty, then woke him up and carted him off to jail, where they found he was wanted in several states for murder and other crimes. Now that, my sistas, is godamn great policework. Hell, it is Gwinnett County. I surprised they handcuffed the guy before they woke him up. Talk about a hangover.
Monday, April 24, 2006
My Boy, Again...
Here's to Mikey...
Some of the relevent comments made in Sunday's paper:
Errors and arrogance
Rumsfeld claims that commanders were given all the troops they wanted. That's a lie. His micromanagement of troop deployments did grave damage. Furthermore, the office of the secretary of defense made it clear that commanders were not to ask for more troops.
The fact that post-Saddam Iraq failed to turn into a democratic Atlantis overnight caught Rumsfeld by surprise, and he never recovered. His failure to act decisively allowed the insurgency to take root.
Rumsfeld has been notoriously arrogant with military leaders --- who, by law, cannot respond to his insults. He has lost the confidence of our military leaders beyond the circle of sycophants with which he has surrounded himself.
But there are other reasons the SecDef must be dismissed. With Orwellian disregard for the truth, Rumsfeld has claimed credit for "transformation" at the Pentagon, for pioneering innovative approaches to future warfare. Yet, far from building a more effective fighting force, he has disregarded every lesson of our recent wars in favor of continuing massive and wasteful purchases of weapons systems conceived in the 1980s to fight the Soviet Union. What he labels transformation is a shameless defense of the acquisition status quo and the last decade's bankrupt schemes for waging bloodless techno-wars.
In addition to the widespread disgust among senior officers with the way the secretary botched the fight for Iraq, another trigger for the current round of criticism has been the latest Quadrennial Defense Review, the document that instructs our military on which weapons to buy and how to organize. Trumpeted as revolutionary---with phenomenal cynicism---the QDR failed to kill a single Cold War-legacy weapons system.
At a time when our troops have pressing needs, from sufficient numbers in uniform to replacement vehicles for those destroyed or worn out in Iraq, Rumsfeld's latest QDR proposes squandering hundreds of billions of dollars on useless, overpriced, outdated and counterproductive weapons, such as the Air Force's F-22 stealth fighter (the utility and reliability of which have been questioned) or the Navy's DDX destroyers (intended to fight a Soviet Navy that no longer exists).
Money used for junk
Every one of our services has serious needs, and Rumsfeld's "transformation" addresses virtually none of them. He would cut troop levels to buy worthless junk --- systems that would deform our military for decades to come and result in decreased readiness. The SecDef is supporting our defense industry, not our defense: We are getting the military Lockheed Martin wants to sell us, not the military we need.
If these problems are so serious, why has it taken so long for the generals to speak out? I've personally heard dozens of generals complain about Rumsfeld's incompetence and vindictiveness for years --- and have yet to hear one say a private word in his praise. Why didn't they go public? There are several reasons, some practical, others institutional.
Loyalty is deeply inculcated into our military, as is obedience to civilian control (something I have never heard questioned). Furthermore, no senior leader wants to abandon his troops in wartime --- he generally reasons that he can do more good by sticking to his post. And, of course, even the most well-intentioned internal criticism is a career-ender under a regime as intolerant as Rumsfeld's.
Nonetheless, it's been disappointing that so few retired generals have spoken out until now --- retirees do not face the same legal or ethical restrictions as those still in uniform. A few men of integrity, such as Gens. Anthony Zinni and Barry McCaffrey, did take principled stands on Rumsfeld's worst policy blunders, but most retirees simply kept quiet.
Some of the relevent comments made in Sunday's paper:
Errors and arrogance
Rumsfeld claims that commanders were given all the troops they wanted. That's a lie. His micromanagement of troop deployments did grave damage. Furthermore, the office of the secretary of defense made it clear that commanders were not to ask for more troops.
The fact that post-Saddam Iraq failed to turn into a democratic Atlantis overnight caught Rumsfeld by surprise, and he never recovered. His failure to act decisively allowed the insurgency to take root.
Rumsfeld has been notoriously arrogant with military leaders --- who, by law, cannot respond to his insults. He has lost the confidence of our military leaders beyond the circle of sycophants with which he has surrounded himself.
But there are other reasons the SecDef must be dismissed. With Orwellian disregard for the truth, Rumsfeld has claimed credit for "transformation" at the Pentagon, for pioneering innovative approaches to future warfare. Yet, far from building a more effective fighting force, he has disregarded every lesson of our recent wars in favor of continuing massive and wasteful purchases of weapons systems conceived in the 1980s to fight the Soviet Union. What he labels transformation is a shameless defense of the acquisition status quo and the last decade's bankrupt schemes for waging bloodless techno-wars.
In addition to the widespread disgust among senior officers with the way the secretary botched the fight for Iraq, another trigger for the current round of criticism has been the latest Quadrennial Defense Review, the document that instructs our military on which weapons to buy and how to organize. Trumpeted as revolutionary---with phenomenal cynicism---the QDR failed to kill a single Cold War-legacy weapons system.
At a time when our troops have pressing needs, from sufficient numbers in uniform to replacement vehicles for those destroyed or worn out in Iraq, Rumsfeld's latest QDR proposes squandering hundreds of billions of dollars on useless, overpriced, outdated and counterproductive weapons, such as the Air Force's F-22 stealth fighter (the utility and reliability of which have been questioned) or the Navy's DDX destroyers (intended to fight a Soviet Navy that no longer exists).
Money used for junk
Every one of our services has serious needs, and Rumsfeld's "transformation" addresses virtually none of them. He would cut troop levels to buy worthless junk --- systems that would deform our military for decades to come and result in decreased readiness. The SecDef is supporting our defense industry, not our defense: We are getting the military Lockheed Martin wants to sell us, not the military we need.
If these problems are so serious, why has it taken so long for the generals to speak out? I've personally heard dozens of generals complain about Rumsfeld's incompetence and vindictiveness for years --- and have yet to hear one say a private word in his praise. Why didn't they go public? There are several reasons, some practical, others institutional.
Loyalty is deeply inculcated into our military, as is obedience to civilian control (something I have never heard questioned). Furthermore, no senior leader wants to abandon his troops in wartime --- he generally reasons that he can do more good by sticking to his post. And, of course, even the most well-intentioned internal criticism is a career-ender under a regime as intolerant as Rumsfeld's.
Nonetheless, it's been disappointing that so few retired generals have spoken out until now --- retirees do not face the same legal or ethical restrictions as those still in uniform. A few men of integrity, such as Gens. Anthony Zinni and Barry McCaffrey, did take principled stands on Rumsfeld's worst policy blunders, but most retirees simply kept quiet.
Scary News
This is really creepy... first I read this article in today's AJC:
Police Hunt for Chimps After Fatal Attack
By CLARENCE ROY-MACAULAY
Associated Press Writer
FREETOWN, Sierra Leone — Police hunted Monday for chimpanzees that escaped from a Sierra Leone preserve and mauled a group of American and local sightseers, killing one man and injuring four people.
The U.S. Embassy warned Americans against traveling to the Tacugama Chimpanzee Sanctuary, where the chimps escaped before Sunday's attack on a taxicab.
The Sierra Leonean driver died as the chimps ripped his body apart, and three Americans were treated at a hospital for minor injuries, said Oliver Somasa, a top police official.
Another Sierra Leonean man in the group had his hand amputated after the mauling, Somasa said. U.S. officials had no further comment. The Americans were in Sierra Leone to help build a new embassy building, Somasa said.
Armed police were searching Monday for 27 chimpanzees, Somasa said, while four others had already returned on their own accord to the reserve.
Somosa said it was unclear why the chimps attacked or how they were able to escape.
Chimpanzee attacks are unusual but not unprecedented.
Two chimps that escaped from their cages in a California sanctuary severely mauled a man in March 2005 before the man's son-in-law shot the animals to death.
Damn, that's fucked up.
But, then I see this article (picture included) in the column right next to it --- coincidence? You be the judge...
Capitol abuzz as elections qualifying begins
McKinney comes out swinging against Bush administration
By NANCY BADERTSCHER and JIM THARPE
The Atlanta Journal-Constitution
Published on: 04/24/06
While the rest of state government was closed for Confederate Memorial Day, the Capitol was buzzing today as controversial U.S. Rep. Cynthia McKinney, Gov. Sonny Perdue and dozens of other candidates qualified to run in this year's federal elections.
McKinney, a Democrat, came out swinging against the Bush Administration, reiterating her criticisms of the President on the Sept. 11 terrorist attacks and Iraq War.
"Now we're talking about a nuclear strike on [Iran]," she told reporters. "This is something the American people can't even imagine. In the midst of one failed war, we're talking about starting another war."
Her father, former state Rep. Billy McKinney, said the campaign is about to "whup some Republicans."
DeKalb County Commissioner Hank Johnson, who hopes to beat McKinney in the Democratic primary, showed up at qualifying with a half dozen or so supporters who were sporting T-shirts that read: "solutions, not politics."
Johnson said he'll shy away from joining critics of McKinney's recent scrape with Capitol security and focus on what he sees as her failure to bring needed federal funds to the district for transportation and other priorities.
Qualifying runs through noon Friday, but most candidates generally try to be a part of the frenzied first day.
Some were standing in line when qualifying started at 9 a.m. in the House chamber for Democrats and in the Senate for Republicans.
Gov. Sonny Perdue filed for re-election this afternoon and then promised about 200 supporters that they'd see a replay of his 2002 victory.
Now, this my friend really is fucked up. What's up with that crazy look in her eyes? I think Marty Feldman was somewhere in the McKinney woodpile.
Police Hunt for Chimps After Fatal Attack
By CLARENCE ROY-MACAULAY
Associated Press Writer
FREETOWN, Sierra Leone — Police hunted Monday for chimpanzees that escaped from a Sierra Leone preserve and mauled a group of American and local sightseers, killing one man and injuring four people.
The U.S. Embassy warned Americans against traveling to the Tacugama Chimpanzee Sanctuary, where the chimps escaped before Sunday's attack on a taxicab.
The Sierra Leonean driver died as the chimps ripped his body apart, and three Americans were treated at a hospital for minor injuries, said Oliver Somasa, a top police official.
Another Sierra Leonean man in the group had his hand amputated after the mauling, Somasa said. U.S. officials had no further comment. The Americans were in Sierra Leone to help build a new embassy building, Somasa said.
Armed police were searching Monday for 27 chimpanzees, Somasa said, while four others had already returned on their own accord to the reserve.
Somosa said it was unclear why the chimps attacked or how they were able to escape.
Chimpanzee attacks are unusual but not unprecedented.
Two chimps that escaped from their cages in a California sanctuary severely mauled a man in March 2005 before the man's son-in-law shot the animals to death.
Damn, that's fucked up.
But, then I see this article (picture included) in the column right next to it --- coincidence? You be the judge...
Capitol abuzz as elections qualifying begins
McKinney comes out swinging against Bush administration
By NANCY BADERTSCHER and JIM THARPE
The Atlanta Journal-Constitution
Published on: 04/24/06
While the rest of state government was closed for Confederate Memorial Day, the Capitol was buzzing today as controversial U.S. Rep. Cynthia McKinney, Gov. Sonny Perdue and dozens of other candidates qualified to run in this year's federal elections.
McKinney, a Democrat, came out swinging against the Bush Administration, reiterating her criticisms of the President on the Sept. 11 terrorist attacks and Iraq War.
"Now we're talking about a nuclear strike on [Iran]," she told reporters. "This is something the American people can't even imagine. In the midst of one failed war, we're talking about starting another war."
Her father, former state Rep. Billy McKinney, said the campaign is about to "whup some Republicans."
DeKalb County Commissioner Hank Johnson, who hopes to beat McKinney in the Democratic primary, showed up at qualifying with a half dozen or so supporters who were sporting T-shirts that read: "solutions, not politics."
Johnson said he'll shy away from joining critics of McKinney's recent scrape with Capitol security and focus on what he sees as her failure to bring needed federal funds to the district for transportation and other priorities.
Qualifying runs through noon Friday, but most candidates generally try to be a part of the frenzied first day.
Some were standing in line when qualifying started at 9 a.m. in the House chamber for Democrats and in the Senate for Republicans.
Gov. Sonny Perdue filed for re-election this afternoon and then promised about 200 supporters that they'd see a replay of his 2002 victory.
Now, this my friend really is fucked up. What's up with that crazy look in her eyes? I think Marty Feldman was somewhere in the McKinney woodpile.
Wednesday, April 19, 2006
Compliments of Baby Bro
Now I don't know who will go to hell first; Bro for sending this to me, me for posting it to my blog, or - and this is my first guess - IbeJO who's comment, "'Tards make fun toys" had me on the floor for twenty minutes.
Tuesday, April 18, 2006
They Call Him a Pinko,
but I love him.
My boy, Mike Luckovich, won a Pulitzer Prize for his cartoons on Katrina and the war in Iraq. Go, boy! Here's just one of my favs...
My boy, Mike Luckovich, won a Pulitzer Prize for his cartoons on Katrina and the war in Iraq. Go, boy! Here's just one of my favs...
Monday, April 17, 2006
And I Thought I was Having a Bad Day...
This is the Downtown Connector, smack dab in downtown Atlanta (hence the name), which shepards hundreds of thousands of cars and people through the City every day. Today, right before lunch, some cat (that would be him in the red shirt between the two signs) decided to off himself by jumping off this bridge (the 10th Street overpass), which is right outside my office. As a matter of fact, I had a better angle of this little incident than any news chopper or road camera.
Now, at the risk of sounding selfish, I have to ask... why did we have to put up with this shit for one solid hour? I mean, the poor thing "was just released from prison and apparently depressed" (no shit, if I was just freed after getting a daily salad toss, I'd be a little bummed myself - no pun intended). But my point is this, see that big yellow pillow on the road under this guy? I say shoot the mother fucker and be done with it. Okay, maybe you don't have to kill him (even though that's apparently exactly what he wants), but nail him in the kneecap, let him fall on the pillow, pick him up and let the traffic flow.
Sadly, this isn't the first time this shit has happened. The City even spent thousands and thousands of dollars putting these chain link fences on the overpasses, but all that does is allow the jumpers an extra five feet or so of elevation. Actually, some of the pictures of this incident show the guy climbing back over the fence after the cops talked him down". Man, what a waste... makes me want to jump off - nah, it's never that bad.
Saturday, April 15, 2006
Not Your Average Bear
So, I'm watching the "Today" show this morning and the anchor is interviewing a Tennessee Park Ranger - I don't think I need to give any visuals, here. This is how the conversation starts...
Anchor: "Officials are questioning campers in the Cherokee National Forest Campground today trying to get a description of the black bear that killed a six-year old girl on Friday."
OK S-T-O-P right there... I'll give you a description: First, he's a fucking bear. Second, he's black. 'Nuf said.
Anchor: "Rangers want to be sure they don't kill the wrong bear."
Hold it... what does your average bear hunter kill? Convict bears?
Park Ranger, Cletus Rebone: "Yeah, well, er... wher still tryin' to figure out why that bear kilt that little girl. We figured it might be sick, ya know with a virus in his brain or whatnot. Other den dat, we just ain't got a clue as to why this big, hungry bear thats been asleep' for the past five months coulda wanted to kill her.
Hmmmmmm - I know this is a stretch, but let me give it a shot...
Ummmmm, how about... he's A FUCKING B-E-A-R!
Kid musta looked like a chicken McNugget. No wonder the Honey buns weren't looking too good to him.
Not even 11 AM and I've already maxed out on my stupid quota. Time to go destroy the front door.
Friday, April 14, 2006
The Sum of It's Parts
I am a pretzel. I know this because I got kneaded today. Not to say, I was "needed", but I got my ass, literally, kneaded (aka, lightly risen pizza dough just waiting to get slammed down) only to rise like a phoenix (I hope) in the morning.
Ever since Christmas, I've had this goddman mid-trapezius muscle that has been pulled and has all but crippled me. Been to Kaiser, only to get the useless Flexeril (I guess they aren't useless if you're still into that kinda buzz), but regardless - no use.
So, I fork out the cash and go to a massage therapist in January. He works me over and says - and I quote, "There's not a goddamn thing I can do for you until you see a chiropractor". Whaaaaa??? Me + quack-o-practor = not in this fucking lifetime.
So the muscle really starts being a pain in the ass (well, six vertebre up from my ass, but...) and considering I dropped a C-note on "the kid" for the massage and he used to work in a quake-o-clinic, I figured, what the hey?? After all,dealing with the Kaiser folks, I wonder if there is some reason I get ugly images when I hear the name, Kaiser? Heil...
sorry.
Anyway, Kaiser gives me 20 visits to one of their "approved" quacks. Of course, I have to pick the one in hoity-toity land aka Sandy Springs and I reluctantly go see him. I mean, after all, I'm about to pull a coyote on my own fucking arm, right?
This operation turns out to be a husband and wife team, in a very nice office, who are some of the MOST pleasant people I have ever met - seriously. On the first day there, I was waiting in the torture - hmmm, I mean therapy, room and I was looking at all the anatomical graphics they had on the wall. I could pinpoint exactly what was bothering me (not like I didn't learn this in 2nd year Auburn biology, but time does tend to clean house). Anyway, the "doc" comes in and we start talking and I tell him what is what and where what is doing what and whatnot and the next thing I know he's moving my fucking spine around and... well, it was AWESOME! Freaky, but awesome. It really is amazing how much the spinal column can fuck with the rest of your body - duh, kinda like the engine car fucking with the cabboose, huh?
Anyway, he also showed me some killer back exercises to do with my weights, which I have been working on and I'm actually ready to increase my weight. But, the idea is to get the spine straight while the muscles learn how to hold it there. My posture has been so bad since fourth grade. Now, just picture this: 4th grad class photo; you are 5 foot 8 inches tall, crater-face acne, brilliant wrap-around braces, and in the most malevelent grade ever devised by humans, period... oh, and I'm a FUCKING G-I-R-L. Every "boy" in the fourth grade now rises right about my non-existant chestline so I ask, "Would you not try to shrink to microscopic size?".
Now that you get the picture, the bottom line was that after years of slouching, the old bod said, "fuck it,. this is how it will be". Tell your kids that bullshit your parents crammed down your throat about "stand up straight" really means something. I have the insurance claims to prove it.
OK, so I see the "quack" today, whom I seriously admire with all my gusto, and he tells me (like he needs to tell me) that my trap is "free". So off to the "kid" to make sure there aren't any other muscle groups that will kick my ass later down the road. I show up and Kid is ready - 90 full intense deep tissue massage. Fuck, this kid musta been the WonderBread guy in another life. Needless to say, one lesson you must understand 'bout DEEP tissue massage - it really isn't about that pus "relaxation" thing. When it is done correctly, it is W-O-R-K and there are times when it really is good and there are times when it really, really makes you understand what muscles are where and what they do.
Another thing, once you get kneaded like I did today, know enough NOT to do anything physical for at least 24 hours. Oh, and drink so much fucking water that you piss clear for at least 2 days. Anything short of that will send you to the ER for toxic poisoning. Trust me on this one. Deep tissue massage pushes toxins and crap throughout your bod and if you can't flush it immediately, it doesn't make much since to drop a C note on the massage. Also, it will make you physically sick to boot.
Well, enough of this. I had planned on ripping off the front of my house tonight, but as I said, that really is not a good idea after today. Besides, I need "before" pictures and someone's little bro won't let me know how to do that. After all, I'm not a techno-wiz, just a pretzel.
Ever since Christmas, I've had this goddman mid-trapezius muscle that has been pulled and has all but crippled me. Been to Kaiser, only to get the useless Flexeril (I guess they aren't useless if you're still into that kinda buzz), but regardless - no use.
So, I fork out the cash and go to a massage therapist in January. He works me over and says - and I quote, "There's not a goddamn thing I can do for you until you see a chiropractor". Whaaaaa??? Me + quack-o-practor = not in this fucking lifetime.
So the muscle really starts being a pain in the ass (well, six vertebre up from my ass, but...) and considering I dropped a C-note on "the kid" for the massage and he used to work in a quake-o-clinic, I figured, what the hey?? After all,dealing with the Kaiser folks, I wonder if there is some reason I get ugly images when I hear the name, Kaiser? Heil...
sorry.
Anyway, Kaiser gives me 20 visits to one of their "approved" quacks. Of course, I have to pick the one in hoity-toity land aka Sandy Springs and I reluctantly go see him. I mean, after all, I'm about to pull a coyote on my own fucking arm, right?
This operation turns out to be a husband and wife team, in a very nice office, who are some of the MOST pleasant people I have ever met - seriously. On the first day there, I was waiting in the torture - hmmm, I mean therapy, room and I was looking at all the anatomical graphics they had on the wall. I could pinpoint exactly what was bothering me (not like I didn't learn this in 2nd year Auburn biology, but time does tend to clean house). Anyway, the "doc" comes in and we start talking and I tell him what is what and where what is doing what and whatnot and the next thing I know he's moving my fucking spine around and... well, it was AWESOME! Freaky, but awesome. It really is amazing how much the spinal column can fuck with the rest of your body - duh, kinda like the engine car fucking with the cabboose, huh?
Anyway, he also showed me some killer back exercises to do with my weights, which I have been working on and I'm actually ready to increase my weight. But, the idea is to get the spine straight while the muscles learn how to hold it there. My posture has been so bad since fourth grade. Now, just picture this: 4th grad class photo; you are 5 foot 8 inches tall, crater-face acne, brilliant wrap-around braces, and in the most malevelent grade ever devised by humans, period... oh, and I'm a FUCKING G-I-R-L. Every "boy" in the fourth grade now rises right about my non-existant chestline so I ask, "Would you not try to shrink to microscopic size?".
Now that you get the picture, the bottom line was that after years of slouching, the old bod said, "fuck it,. this is how it will be". Tell your kids that bullshit your parents crammed down your throat about "stand up straight" really means something. I have the insurance claims to prove it.
OK, so I see the "quack" today, whom I seriously admire with all my gusto, and he tells me (like he needs to tell me) that my trap is "free". So off to the "kid" to make sure there aren't any other muscle groups that will kick my ass later down the road. I show up and Kid is ready - 90 full intense deep tissue massage. Fuck, this kid musta been the WonderBread guy in another life. Needless to say, one lesson you must understand 'bout DEEP tissue massage - it really isn't about that pus "relaxation" thing. When it is done correctly, it is W-O-R-K and there are times when it really is good and there are times when it really, really makes you understand what muscles are where and what they do.
Another thing, once you get kneaded like I did today, know enough NOT to do anything physical for at least 24 hours. Oh, and drink so much fucking water that you piss clear for at least 2 days. Anything short of that will send you to the ER for toxic poisoning. Trust me on this one. Deep tissue massage pushes toxins and crap throughout your bod and if you can't flush it immediately, it doesn't make much since to drop a C note on the massage. Also, it will make you physically sick to boot.
Well, enough of this. I had planned on ripping off the front of my house tonight, but as I said, that really is not a good idea after today. Besides, I need "before" pictures and someone's little bro won't let me know how to do that. After all, I'm not a techno-wiz, just a pretzel.
Wednesday, April 12, 2006
... But OH, the Evening Can Suck Even Worse
The goddam dentist broke my $500 veneers before they were even glued to my teeth. Now no cold or hot (or even the shower) water can hit my front teeth or I soar to the skyline. This will definately be the way I lose that last 10 pounds!
I guess that fucking tree is looking tall enough now.
I guess that fucking tree is looking tall enough now.
Just When You Think Your Morning Could Go No Worse...
...open your email to find this little ditty
"A Man in Need
Try to imagine yourself in this man's shoes, being verbally
assaulted with hatred and venom on a daily basis at his job.
Try to imagine if you did the very best you knew how to do, and
STILL, you were despised and hated without reason. How would
you feel? How would you be able to function on a daily basis
at your job? How would you feel every time you went out in
public, knowing that people despised you and there was nothing
you could do to change their minds?
This is awesome - please view!"
http://www.udata.com/users/byrd/pray.htm
Goddam, who could eat breakfast after seeing this shit? I honestly thought this was something about some poor slop homeless guy who was getting kicked in the gut and pee'd on in an alley somewhere. I actually felt a moment of sorry for this schlep... Now, I really want to find a tall tree.
However, if you really want to put how painful your life is into some perspective, turn your lower body over to a rather bitter Venezuelan woman and have her give you a full leg and bikini wax in about 20 minutes and then have to T-I-P her for the privelege. Tattoos don't hurt that bad but, again, it puts your shitty life in perspective.
"A Man in Need
Try to imagine yourself in this man's shoes, being verbally
assaulted with hatred and venom on a daily basis at his job.
Try to imagine if you did the very best you knew how to do, and
STILL, you were despised and hated without reason. How would
you feel? How would you be able to function on a daily basis
at your job? How would you feel every time you went out in
public, knowing that people despised you and there was nothing
you could do to change their minds?
This is awesome - please view!"
http://www.udata.com/users/byrd/pray.htm
Goddam, who could eat breakfast after seeing this shit? I honestly thought this was something about some poor slop homeless guy who was getting kicked in the gut and pee'd on in an alley somewhere. I actually felt a moment of sorry for this schlep... Now, I really want to find a tall tree.
However, if you really want to put how painful your life is into some perspective, turn your lower body over to a rather bitter Venezuelan woman and have her give you a full leg and bikini wax in about 20 minutes and then have to T-I-P her for the privelege. Tattoos don't hurt that bad but, again, it puts your shitty life in perspective.
Tuesday, April 04, 2006
Wednesday, March 29, 2006
Proud to be from Georgia
Thanks to Bill Maher - New Rule: There's no such thing as a "gateway" candy. Legislators in Georgia are seeking a ban on "pot-flavored" candy, calling it a "gateway" product to other drugs. Okay, now you're high. And, kids, listen to Uncle Bill: if you're smoking pot for the taste, you're doing it wrong.
Amen.
Cynthia McKinney is being a pain in the ass again. Now, whether or not she is being persecuted unfairly or finally getting her payback, is up to you. But, here in Georgia it's real easy to pick sides. If you are a white, Christian conservative - she's getting her payback. If you're a poor, black, I-don'-need-no-job-dipshit, who thinks whitey holds you back, you probably think she's being persecuted. Sorry, too many syllables - you probably think she's being "hung". Ouch, double meaning unintended.
The Georgia Legislature failed to pass a bill regarding animal creulty because too many of those low-life rednecks wanted to exclude cock fighting and hog fighting. Yup, you know me, I had to ask... people fight hogs??? The answer, "No, dummy, you put a dog and a hog in a pit and see who wins". Oh, excuse the fuck out of me. What fucking planet am I living on?
A warning to new moms, don't let your baby eat your coke. In Vidalia, Georgia - best known for their onions and their backward-ass trailer trash, a mother was charged with felony murder and cruelty to children (which seems kinda after-the-fact to me) when her 2-year old ate Momma's stash of crack cocaine. Momma was good enough to take the baby to the hospital when she noticed "complications of cocaine use". Can you picture a crankey toddler running around sniffing and wiping his nose? I would never have guessed cocaine abuse.
Yesterday, flights and services at Hartsfield airport were delayed because an electrical contractor "cut a wire" that killed all the power to Concourse D. Let me tell you, this was not "a wire" and if Sparky did cut it, there would be no Sparky. How fucked up is that to be able to shunt the power to an entire airport concourse?
And, I see this one coming... some FSU brains have determined that the way Jesus was able to walk on water was that the Sea of Gallilee was frozen. Holy Shit! The Thumpers will be crawling out of the woodwork when they read this one.
When, oh when will I finally get out of here???
Amen.
Cynthia McKinney is being a pain in the ass again. Now, whether or not she is being persecuted unfairly or finally getting her payback, is up to you. But, here in Georgia it's real easy to pick sides. If you are a white, Christian conservative - she's getting her payback. If you're a poor, black, I-don'-need-no-job-dipshit, who thinks whitey holds you back, you probably think she's being persecuted. Sorry, too many syllables - you probably think she's being "hung". Ouch, double meaning unintended.
The Georgia Legislature failed to pass a bill regarding animal creulty because too many of those low-life rednecks wanted to exclude cock fighting and hog fighting. Yup, you know me, I had to ask... people fight hogs??? The answer, "No, dummy, you put a dog and a hog in a pit and see who wins". Oh, excuse the fuck out of me. What fucking planet am I living on?
A warning to new moms, don't let your baby eat your coke. In Vidalia, Georgia - best known for their onions and their backward-ass trailer trash, a mother was charged with felony murder and cruelty to children (which seems kinda after-the-fact to me) when her 2-year old ate Momma's stash of crack cocaine. Momma was good enough to take the baby to the hospital when she noticed "complications of cocaine use". Can you picture a crankey toddler running around sniffing and wiping his nose? I would never have guessed cocaine abuse.
Yesterday, flights and services at Hartsfield airport were delayed because an electrical contractor "cut a wire" that killed all the power to Concourse D. Let me tell you, this was not "a wire" and if Sparky did cut it, there would be no Sparky. How fucked up is that to be able to shunt the power to an entire airport concourse?
And, I see this one coming... some FSU brains have determined that the way Jesus was able to walk on water was that the Sea of Gallilee was frozen. Holy Shit! The Thumpers will be crawling out of the woodwork when they read this one.
When, oh when will I finally get out of here???
Friday, March 24, 2006
Cookie Candy Creations
I tried to make some cookies last night for some folks at work, but I wound up really screwing up the recipe so I tried to fix it. What turned out was a-m-a-z-i-n-g or should I say amazingly fattening (I figure an additional 2 miles on the treadmill per cookie so after last night, we're looking at a marathon). But as Mother would say, “how could it not be amazing with ½ pound of sugar and ½ pound of butter." Enjoy. If you need pecans let me know and I’ll send some from our harvest.
2 1/4 cups all-purpose flour
1 teaspoon kosher salt
1 teaspoon baking soda
1 egg
3 ounces milk
1 1/2 teaspoons vanilla extract
2 sticks unsalted butter
1 cup sugar
1 cup dark brown sugar
2-3 cups chopped pecans
Heat oven to 375 degrees F.
Sift together the flour, salt, and baking soda in a mixing bowl.
Combine the egg, milk, and vanilla and bring to room temperature in another bowl.
Cream the butter in the mixer's work bowl, starting on low speed to soften the butter. Add the sugars. Increase the speed, and cream the mixture until light and fluffy. Reduce the speed and add the egg mixture slowly. Increase the speed and mix until well combined.
Slowly add the flour mixture, scraping the sides of the bowl until thoroughly combined. Stir in the pecans. Spoon onto parchment-lined baking sheets, 6 cookies per sheet (these really spread out).
Bake for 8-9 minutes, but check on them after 7 minutes. Once they start turning brown, they will burn really quickly.
Remove the cookies from the pans immediately. They will be extremely thin and soft. Cool on a flat surface (don't try to use a rack as the cookies will fall through before they cool. This creates funky looking cookies that I couldn't bring to work so dammit, I ate them. Ah, the sacrifices.
I used a slab of marble sitting over a pan of ice water to keep the marble cold. The sooner the cookies cool, the sooner you can eat them. You can also use a slab of ceramic tile (you can get one or two at Home Depot for about $1.20 for a 12"x12". The ceramic tile is also a great idea if you want a cheap, durable, cutting board that doesn't absorb smells and germs.
Once cooled, store in an airtight container.
Bon Appetit (or should I say, "Bon Voyage - Size 6")?
2 1/4 cups all-purpose flour
1 teaspoon kosher salt
1 teaspoon baking soda
1 egg
3 ounces milk
1 1/2 teaspoons vanilla extract
2 sticks unsalted butter
1 cup sugar
1 cup dark brown sugar
2-3 cups chopped pecans
Heat oven to 375 degrees F.
Sift together the flour, salt, and baking soda in a mixing bowl.
Combine the egg, milk, and vanilla and bring to room temperature in another bowl.
Cream the butter in the mixer's work bowl, starting on low speed to soften the butter. Add the sugars. Increase the speed, and cream the mixture until light and fluffy. Reduce the speed and add the egg mixture slowly. Increase the speed and mix until well combined.
Slowly add the flour mixture, scraping the sides of the bowl until thoroughly combined. Stir in the pecans. Spoon onto parchment-lined baking sheets, 6 cookies per sheet (these really spread out).
Bake for 8-9 minutes, but check on them after 7 minutes. Once they start turning brown, they will burn really quickly.
Remove the cookies from the pans immediately. They will be extremely thin and soft. Cool on a flat surface (don't try to use a rack as the cookies will fall through before they cool. This creates funky looking cookies that I couldn't bring to work so dammit, I ate them. Ah, the sacrifices.
I used a slab of marble sitting over a pan of ice water to keep the marble cold. The sooner the cookies cool, the sooner you can eat them. You can also use a slab of ceramic tile (you can get one or two at Home Depot for about $1.20 for a 12"x12". The ceramic tile is also a great idea if you want a cheap, durable, cutting board that doesn't absorb smells and germs.
Once cooled, store in an airtight container.
Bon Appetit (or should I say, "Bon Voyage - Size 6")?
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