In the News

But, first, my boy yet again...



Yeah!! Talk about payback. I can't remember the last time I heard so many Americans say such wonderful things about Mexicans!!! Hell there's even talk about traveling to Mexico and staying (legally, of course). I mean, the gringos are just screaming, "Hell, Jose, stay here if you want, but we're headed south since our new buddy, Vicente Fox, has decided to legalize drugs". Cozumel, anyone? Actually, he's not legalizing drugs so don't get your panties in a twist. He's simply trying to ease up on some of the more violent aspects of the illegal drug trade. Chances are he'll balk, though. Too many rightwing nutjobs will try to tell him that all of our hard-working Americans (you know the ones who's jobs the Mexicans have stolen) will all head south-of-the-border to partake in some ganga bash.

Also in the news...

Rummie got his ass handed to him last night, right here in my yard. Never underestimate a really pissed off old, Southern woman who looks like she should be knitting sockies for her grandkids, yet comes to a press conference for Rumsfeld, carrying a flag that said, "Guilty of War Crimes". A couple of other folks chucked up other comments, and although it wasn't a big stir, it was a stir nonetheless - and it was the first story last night on NBC. See, some of us in Atlanta do have some common sense even if DipShit #1 (and Benedict Arnold) has come out in support of our Nazi-Governor's re-election (if you aren't from here, I'm referring to the Zell). We also have TweedleDumb (Johnny Isakson) and TweedleDumber (Phil Gingrey) ringing the "Rummie is so cool" bell. Puke.

Speaking of Isakson and Gingrey, I do have to give them a minute bit of praise in that they have decided to pair with John Kerry and John Tierney to pass a comprehensive bill making internet child porn a more punishable crime. This is only after they heard testimony from a 13-year old Russian girl, who at the age of five, was adopted by a sicko-pigshit-bastard and repeatedly raped and tortured from day one. Oh, and then this sicko-pigshit-bastard posted her naked pictures all over the Web. It's stories like this that really make me question my anti-capitol punishment stand.

And someone else I'd like to personally punch in the testicles? The asshole who allowed a sinkhole to form in Piedmont park where this little guy...



fell to his death after being swept away by a raging flow of raw sewage.

His owner isn't suing the City. I wouldn't bother, either. I'd be selling Mexican crack to Rush Limbaugh to earn enough money to pay for a big, hairy guy named Guido to head over to the Park Management division at City hall and eat someone a new asshole.

Also in the news... Unwanted pregnancy rises in poor women. Hello? Someone actually pissed away money to prove this?

Also, in the news... Doctor's in the UK defend a woman's right to become a mother at 63. Come on, peeps. Sixty-fucking-three? How rude is that to a child. Shit, that's old enough that there's a very good chance that both mother and son will be in nappies at the same time. What's wrong with that picture?

But back to home-grown news... Gwinnett County Police are Boasting the Arrest of one of America's Most Wanted. Yeah, you go, boys! How many men did they need to tackle this bad ass? Did anyone get shot during the arrest? How exactly did it happen? As dangerous as this may sound. Here's the story...

A man broke into an apartment complex and kicked out the tenant. Then he proceeded to eat all of the guy's food and drank all of his booze. He then passed out on the couch. Meanwhile, the tenant went to the police and brought them back to the apartment where they handcuffed Sleeping Beauty, then woke him up and carted him off to jail, where they found he was wanted in several states for murder and other crimes. Now that, my sistas, is godamn great policework. Hell, it is Gwinnett County. I surprised they handcuffed the guy before they woke him up. Talk about a hangover.

My Boy, Again...

Here's to Mikey...



Some of the relevent comments made in Sunday's paper:

Errors and arrogance

Rumsfeld claims that commanders were given all the troops they wanted. That's a lie. His micromanagement of troop deployments did grave damage. Furthermore, the office of the secretary of defense made it clear that commanders were not to ask for more troops.

The fact that post-Saddam Iraq failed to turn into a democratic Atlantis overnight caught Rumsfeld by surprise, and he never recovered. His failure to act decisively allowed the insurgency to take root.

Rumsfeld has been notoriously arrogant with military leaders --- who, by law, cannot respond to his insults. He has lost the confidence of our military leaders beyond the circle of sycophants with which he has surrounded himself.

But there are other reasons the SecDef must be dismissed. With Orwellian disregard for the truth, Rumsfeld has claimed credit for "transformation" at the Pentagon, for pioneering innovative approaches to future warfare. Yet, far from building a more effective fighting force, he has disregarded every lesson of our recent wars in favor of continuing massive and wasteful purchases of weapons systems conceived in the 1980s to fight the Soviet Union. What he labels transformation is a shameless defense of the acquisition status quo and the last decade's bankrupt schemes for waging bloodless techno-wars.

In addition to the widespread disgust among senior officers with the way the secretary botched the fight for Iraq, another trigger for the current round of criticism has been the latest Quadrennial Defense Review, the document that instructs our military on which weapons to buy and how to organize. Trumpeted as revolutionary---with phenomenal cynicism---the QDR failed to kill a single Cold War-legacy weapons system.

At a time when our troops have pressing needs, from sufficient numbers in uniform to replacement vehicles for those destroyed or worn out in Iraq, Rumsfeld's latest QDR proposes squandering hundreds of billions of dollars on useless, overpriced, outdated and counterproductive weapons, such as the Air Force's F-22 stealth fighter (the utility and reliability of which have been questioned) or the Navy's DDX destroyers (intended to fight a Soviet Navy that no longer exists).

Money used for junk

Every one of our services has serious needs, and Rumsfeld's "transformation" addresses virtually none of them. He would cut troop levels to buy worthless junk --- systems that would deform our military for decades to come and result in decreased readiness. The SecDef is supporting our defense industry, not our defense: We are getting the military Lockheed Martin wants to sell us, not the military we need.

If these problems are so serious, why has it taken so long for the generals to speak out? I've personally heard dozens of generals complain about Rumsfeld's incompetence and vindictiveness for years --- and have yet to hear one say a private word in his praise. Why didn't they go public? There are several reasons, some practical, others institutional.

Loyalty is deeply inculcated into our military, as is obedience to civilian control (something I have never heard questioned). Furthermore, no senior leader wants to abandon his troops in wartime --- he generally reasons that he can do more good by sticking to his post. And, of course, even the most well-intentioned internal criticism is a career-ender under a regime as intolerant as Rumsfeld's.

Nonetheless, it's been disappointing that so few retired generals have spoken out until now --- retirees do not face the same legal or ethical restrictions as those still in uniform. A few men of integrity, such as Gens. Anthony Zinni and Barry McCaffrey, did take principled stands on Rumsfeld's worst policy blunders, but most retirees simply kept quiet.

Scary News

This is really creepy... first I read this article in today's AJC:

Police Hunt for Chimps After Fatal Attack
By CLARENCE ROY-MACAULAY
Associated Press Writer

FREETOWN, Sierra Leone — Police hunted Monday for chimpanzees that escaped from a Sierra Leone preserve and mauled a group of American and local sightseers, killing one man and injuring four people.

The U.S. Embassy warned Americans against traveling to the Tacugama Chimpanzee Sanctuary, where the chimps escaped before Sunday's attack on a taxicab.

The Sierra Leonean driver died as the chimps ripped his body apart, and three Americans were treated at a hospital for minor injuries, said Oliver Somasa, a top police official.

Another Sierra Leonean man in the group had his hand amputated after the mauling, Somasa said. U.S. officials had no further comment. The Americans were in Sierra Leone to help build a new embassy building, Somasa said.

Armed police were searching Monday for 27 chimpanzees, Somasa said, while four others had already returned on their own accord to the reserve.

Somosa said it was unclear why the chimps attacked or how they were able to escape.

Chimpanzee attacks are unusual but not unprecedented.

Two chimps that escaped from their cages in a California sanctuary severely mauled a man in March 2005 before the man's son-in-law shot the animals to death.



Damn, that's fucked up.

But, then I see this article (picture included) in the column right next to it --- coincidence? You be the judge...





Capitol abuzz as elections qualifying begins
McKinney comes out swinging against Bush administration

By NANCY BADERTSCHER and JIM THARPE
The Atlanta Journal-Constitution
Published on: 04/24/06

While the rest of state government was closed for Confederate Memorial Day, the Capitol was buzzing today as controversial U.S. Rep. Cynthia McKinney, Gov. Sonny Perdue and dozens of other candidates qualified to run in this year's federal elections.

McKinney, a Democrat, came out swinging against the Bush Administration, reiterating her criticisms of the President on the Sept. 11 terrorist attacks and Iraq War.

"Now we're talking about a nuclear strike on [Iran]," she told reporters. "This is something the American people can't even imagine. In the midst of one failed war, we're talking about starting another war."

Her father, former state Rep. Billy McKinney, said the campaign is about to "whup some Republicans."

DeKalb County Commissioner Hank Johnson, who hopes to beat McKinney in the Democratic primary, showed up at qualifying with a half dozen or so supporters who were sporting T-shirts that read: "solutions, not politics."

Johnson said he'll shy away from joining critics of McKinney's recent scrape with Capitol security and focus on what he sees as her failure to bring needed federal funds to the district for transportation and other priorities.

Qualifying runs through noon Friday, but most candidates generally try to be a part of the frenzied first day.

Some were standing in line when qualifying started at 9 a.m. in the House chamber for Democrats and in the Senate for Republicans.

Gov. Sonny Perdue filed for re-election this afternoon and then promised about 200 supporters that they'd see a replay of his 2002 victory.

Now, this my friend really is fucked up. What's up with that crazy look in her eyes? I think Marty Feldman was somewhere in the McKinney woodpile.

Compliments of Baby Bro

Now I don't know who will go to hell first; Bro for sending this to me, me for posting it to my blog, or - and this is my first guess - IbeJO who's comment, "'Tards make fun toys" had me on the floor for twenty minutes.

They Call Him a Pinko,

but I love him.

My boy, Mike Luckovich, won a Pulitzer Prize for his cartoons on Katrina and the war in Iraq. Go, boy! Here's just one of my favs...

And I Thought I was Having a Bad Day...

This is the Downtown Connector, smack dab in downtown Atlanta (hence the name), which shepards hundreds of thousands of cars and people through the City every day. Today, right before lunch, some cat (that would be him in the red shirt between the two signs) decided to off himself by jumping off this bridge (the 10th Street overpass), which is right outside my office. As a matter of fact, I had a better angle of this little incident than any news chopper or road camera.

Now, at the risk of sounding selfish, I have to ask... why did we have to put up with this shit for one solid hour? I mean, the poor thing "was just released from prison and apparently depressed" (no shit, if I was just freed after getting a daily salad toss, I'd be a little bummed myself - no pun intended). But my point is this, see that big yellow pillow on the road under this guy? I say shoot the mother fucker and be done with it. Okay, maybe you don't have to kill him (even though that's apparently exactly what he wants), but nail him in the kneecap, let him fall on the pillow, pick him up and let the traffic flow.

Sadly, this isn't the first time this shit has happened. The City even spent thousands and thousands of dollars putting these chain link fences on the overpasses, but all that does is allow the jumpers an extra five feet or so of elevation. Actually, some of the pictures of this incident show the guy climbing back over the fence after the cops talked him down". Man, what a waste... makes me want to jump off - nah, it's never that bad.

Just in Time for the Holidays...

Thanks Yorkshire Soul!

Not Your Average Bear

So, I'm watching the "Today" show this morning and the anchor is interviewing a Tennessee Park Ranger - I don't think I need to give any visuals, here. This is how the conversation starts...

Anchor: "Officials are questioning campers in the Cherokee National Forest Campground today trying to get a description of the black bear that killed a six-year old girl on Friday."

OK S-T-O-P right there... I'll give you a description: First, he's a fucking bear. Second, he's black. 'Nuf said.

Anchor: "Rangers want to be sure they don't kill the wrong bear."

Hold it... what does your average bear hunter kill? Convict bears?

Park Ranger, Cletus Rebone: "Yeah, well, er... wher still tryin' to figure out why that bear kilt that little girl. We figured it might be sick, ya know with a virus in his brain or whatnot. Other den dat, we just ain't got a clue as to why this big, hungry bear thats been asleep' for the past five months coulda wanted to kill her.


Hmmmmmm - I know this is a stretch, but let me give it a shot...


Ummmmm, how about... he's A FUCKING B-E-A-R!


Kid musta looked like a chicken McNugget. No wonder the Honey buns weren't looking too good to him.


Not even 11 AM and I've already maxed out on my stupid quota. Time to go destroy the front door.

The Sum of It's Parts

I am a pretzel. I know this because I got kneaded today. Not to say, I was "needed", but I got my ass, literally, kneaded (aka, lightly risen pizza dough just waiting to get slammed down) only to rise like a phoenix (I hope) in the morning.

Ever since Christmas, I've had this goddman mid-trapezius muscle that has been pulled and has all but crippled me. Been to Kaiser, only to get the useless Flexeril (I guess they aren't useless if you're still into that kinda buzz), but regardless - no use.

So, I fork out the cash and go to a massage therapist in January. He works me over and says - and I quote, "There's not a goddamn thing I can do for you until you see a chiropractor". Whaaaaa??? Me + quack-o-practor = not in this fucking lifetime.

So the muscle really starts being a pain in the ass (well, six vertebre up from my ass, but...) and considering I dropped a C-note on "the kid" for the massage and he used to work in a quake-o-clinic, I figured, what the hey?? After all,dealing with the Kaiser folks, I wonder if there is some reason I get ugly images when I hear the name, Kaiser? Heil...

sorry.

Anyway, Kaiser gives me 20 visits to one of their "approved" quacks. Of course, I have to pick the one in hoity-toity land aka Sandy Springs and I reluctantly go see him. I mean, after all, I'm about to pull a coyote on my own fucking arm, right?

This operation turns out to be a husband and wife team, in a very nice office, who are some of the MOST pleasant people I have ever met - seriously. On the first day there, I was waiting in the torture - hmmm, I mean therapy, room and I was looking at all the anatomical graphics they had on the wall. I could pinpoint exactly what was bothering me (not like I didn't learn this in 2nd year Auburn biology, but time does tend to clean house). Anyway, the "doc" comes in and we start talking and I tell him what is what and where what is doing what and whatnot and the next thing I know he's moving my fucking spine around and... well, it was AWESOME! Freaky, but awesome. It really is amazing how much the spinal column can fuck with the rest of your body - duh, kinda like the engine car fucking with the cabboose, huh?

Anyway, he also showed me some killer back exercises to do with my weights, which I have been working on and I'm actually ready to increase my weight. But, the idea is to get the spine straight while the muscles learn how to hold it there. My posture has been so bad since fourth grade. Now, just picture this: 4th grad class photo; you are 5 foot 8 inches tall, crater-face acne, brilliant wrap-around braces, and in the most malevelent grade ever devised by humans, period... oh, and I'm a FUCKING G-I-R-L. Every "boy" in the fourth grade now rises right about my non-existant chestline so I ask, "Would you not try to shrink to microscopic size?".

Now that you get the picture, the bottom line was that after years of slouching, the old bod said, "fuck it,. this is how it will be". Tell your kids that bullshit your parents crammed down your throat about "stand up straight" really means something. I have the insurance claims to prove it.

OK, so I see the "quack" today, whom I seriously admire with all my gusto, and he tells me (like he needs to tell me) that my trap is "free". So off to the "kid" to make sure there aren't any other muscle groups that will kick my ass later down the road. I show up and Kid is ready - 90 full intense deep tissue massage. Fuck, this kid musta been the WonderBread guy in another life. Needless to say, one lesson you must understand 'bout DEEP tissue massage - it really isn't about that pus "relaxation" thing. When it is done correctly, it is W-O-R-K and there are times when it really is good and there are times when it really, really makes you understand what muscles are where and what they do.

Another thing, once you get kneaded like I did today, know enough NOT to do anything physical for at least 24 hours. Oh, and drink so much fucking water that you piss clear for at least 2 days. Anything short of that will send you to the ER for toxic poisoning. Trust me on this one. Deep tissue massage pushes toxins and crap throughout your bod and if you can't flush it immediately, it doesn't make much since to drop a C note on the massage. Also, it will make you physically sick to boot.

Well, enough of this. I had planned on ripping off the front of my house tonight, but as I said, that really is not a good idea after today. Besides, I need "before" pictures and someone's little bro won't let me know how to do that. After all, I'm not a techno-wiz, just a pretzel.

... But OH, the Evening Can Suck Even Worse

The goddam dentist broke my $500 veneers before they were even glued to my teeth. Now no cold or hot (or even the shower) water can hit my front teeth or I soar to the skyline. This will definately be the way I lose that last 10 pounds!

I guess that fucking tree is looking tall enough now.

Just When You Think Your Morning Could Go No Worse...

...open your email to find this little ditty



"A Man in Need

Try to imagine yourself in this man's shoes, being verbally
assaulted with hatred and venom on a daily basis at his job.
Try to imagine if you did the very best you knew how to do, and
STILL, you were despised and hated without reason. How would
you feel? How would you be able to function on a daily basis
at your job? How would you feel every time you went out in
public, knowing that people despised you and there was nothing
you could do to change their minds?
This is awesome - please view!"

http://www.udata.com/users/byrd/pray.htm


Goddam, who could eat breakfast after seeing this shit? I honestly thought this was something about some poor slop homeless guy who was getting kicked in the gut and pee'd on in an alley somewhere. I actually felt a moment of sorry for this schlep... Now, I really want to find a tall tree.

However, if you really want to put how painful your life is into some perspective, turn your lower body over to a rather bitter Venezuelan woman and have her give you a full leg and bikini wax in about 20 minutes and then have to T-I-P her for the privelege. Tattoos don't hurt that bad but, again, it puts your shitty life in perspective.

Good One

Proud to be from Georgia

Thanks to Bill Maher - New Rule: There's no such thing as a "gateway" candy. Legislators in Georgia are seeking a ban on "pot-flavored" candy, calling it a "gateway" product to other drugs. Okay, now you're high. And, kids, listen to Uncle Bill: if you're smoking pot for the taste, you're doing it wrong.

Amen.

Cynthia McKinney is being a pain in the ass again. Now, whether or not she is being persecuted unfairly or finally getting her payback, is up to you. But, here in Georgia it's real easy to pick sides. If you are a white, Christian conservative - she's getting her payback. If you're a poor, black, I-don'-need-no-job-dipshit, who thinks whitey holds you back, you probably think she's being persecuted. Sorry, too many syllables - you probably think she's being "hung". Ouch, double meaning unintended.

The Georgia Legislature failed to pass a bill regarding animal creulty because too many of those low-life rednecks wanted to exclude cock fighting and hog fighting. Yup, you know me, I had to ask... people fight hogs??? The answer, "No, dummy, you put a dog and a hog in a pit and see who wins". Oh, excuse the fuck out of me. What fucking planet am I living on?

A warning to new moms, don't let your baby eat your coke. In Vidalia, Georgia - best known for their onions and their backward-ass trailer trash, a mother was charged with felony murder and cruelty to children (which seems kinda after-the-fact to me) when her 2-year old ate Momma's stash of crack cocaine. Momma was good enough to take the baby to the hospital when she noticed "complications of cocaine use". Can you picture a crankey toddler running around sniffing and wiping his nose? I would never have guessed cocaine abuse.

Yesterday, flights and services at Hartsfield airport were delayed because an electrical contractor "cut a wire" that killed all the power to Concourse D. Let me tell you, this was not "a wire" and if Sparky did cut it, there would be no Sparky. How fucked up is that to be able to shunt the power to an entire airport concourse?


And, I see this one coming... some FSU brains have determined that the way Jesus was able to walk on water was that the Sea of Gallilee was frozen. Holy Shit! The Thumpers will be crawling out of the woodwork when they read this one.

When, oh when will I finally get out of here???

Cookie Candy Creations

I tried to make some cookies last night for some folks at work, but I wound up really screwing up the recipe so I tried to fix it. What turned out was a-m-a-z-i-n-g or should I say amazingly fattening (I figure an additional 2 miles on the treadmill per cookie so after last night, we're looking at a marathon). But as Mother would say, “how could it not be amazing with ½ pound of sugar and ½ pound of butter." Enjoy. If you need pecans let me know and I’ll send some from our harvest.

2 1/4 cups all-purpose flour
1 teaspoon kosher salt
1 teaspoon baking soda

1 egg
3 ounces milk
1 1/2 teaspoons vanilla extract

2 sticks unsalted butter
1 cup sugar
1 cup dark brown sugar

2-3 cups chopped pecans


Heat oven to 375 degrees F.

Sift together the flour, salt, and baking soda in a mixing bowl.

Combine the egg, milk, and vanilla and bring to room temperature in another bowl.

Cream the butter in the mixer's work bowl, starting on low speed to soften the butter. Add the sugars. Increase the speed, and cream the mixture until light and fluffy. Reduce the speed and add the egg mixture slowly. Increase the speed and mix until well combined.

Slowly add the flour mixture, scraping the sides of the bowl until thoroughly combined. Stir in the pecans. Spoon onto parchment-lined baking sheets, 6 cookies per sheet (these really spread out).

Bake for 8-9 minutes, but check on them after 7 minutes. Once they start turning brown, they will burn really quickly.

Remove the cookies from the pans immediately. They will be extremely thin and soft. Cool on a flat surface (don't try to use a rack as the cookies will fall through before they cool. This creates funky looking cookies that I couldn't bring to work so dammit, I ate them. Ah, the sacrifices.

I used a slab of marble sitting over a pan of ice water to keep the marble cold. The sooner the cookies cool, the sooner you can eat them. You can also use a slab of ceramic tile (you can get one or two at Home Depot for about $1.20 for a 12"x12". The ceramic tile is also a great idea if you want a cheap, durable, cutting board that doesn't absorb smells and germs.

Once cooled, store in an airtight container.

Bon Appetit (or should I say, "Bon Voyage - Size 6")?

What's Up with the PINK tie?

Let's see, did Dick shoot someone and is now having a shot - pardon the pun - of looking like a puss? Poor, poor Dick.

Damn near lost the lunch on this one...

I'd rather go driving with Ted Kennedy than hunting with Dick Cheney.

Hell, at least with the Ted, if you noticed you were going off a bridge, you had a shot to get out of the car - ---- oh sorry, another rim shot.

This is too easy. Of course, in about 5 minutes my buddy, JS, will have his turn and it will no doubtably be memorable. Must be nice to be a "Daily Show" writer at this time in historic US politics/media. I only thought I was overpaid.

Freebie Advertising...

So, since I've burned 1,000 cigarrette holes in the back seat of his Prelude (I was only borrowing it for Christ's sakes and how did I know the sunroof would blow them back into the car?), I figured the least I could do was give his band a free promo on my Oh-so-fucking-world-wide-read-blog...

So without further ado, I present to you the be next Band of the Decade, "The Guins"! Or, http://www.theguins.com/index.html and the exhaulted lead singer, Baby Bro! Rhhhhhhaaaaaaa, just hear the crowd going ape.

He and his bandmates are performing their debut radio appearance on http://wmucradio.com/station tonight. He's making references to his family who are listening as we speak. Mummy is stuck in a Nor'easter (if that's how you spell it - leave it to a yankee to come up some twisted hyphenated word for "BLIZZARD"). We are also expecting a blizzard aka "a few flurries", which if timed correctly could literally shut down Atlanta for a few hours.

Anyway, back to The Guins, check them out if you haven't been baptized by their sound as yet.

I'm Sorry...

...but if you look like this




and you think you look "normal", you need more than a team of psychiatrists.

This stupid ass is on so many drugs to keep her from getting infections and rejecting her new face, yet she started smoking again!! If I were one of her doctors, I'd rip the new face right off. What a stupid ingrate.

How Does this Happen

From today's AJC...

Halliburton unit gets U.S. contract

The U.S. Army Corps of Engineers has awarded a contract worth up to $385 million for building temporary immigration detention centers to Halliburton subsidiary Kellogg Brown & Root. KBR would build the centers for the Homeland Security Department in case of an unexpected influx of immigrants or to house people after a natural disaster or for new programs that require additional detention space, the company said. Federal auditors rebuked the company for unsubstantiated billing in its Iraq contracts, and there have been claims that Halliburton, which was led by Dick Cheney before he became vice president, was aided by connections in obtaining contracts.

What? Excuse the fuck out of me, but how the hell does this happen? Oh yeah, and Congress votes to NOT investigate Halliburton misdeeds in Iraq? Something sadly fishy is going on - and has been for a long, long time.

Those poor Gulf Coast victims. Now they're going to make them live in a "Halliburton Home". I could have built a safer shelter with my Lincoln Logs when I was four fucking years old.

Another Luckovich...

Aside from the obvious (which is more a reality check), the funniest thing is the caricature of Bush. Who's your little monkey-boy?

Atlanta Makes National News

Only to prove that we really are backward ass...

First, as most of you know, Coretta Scott King died Monday. Apparently, she passed away in some Mexican hospital known for it's alternative medical treatments for the terminally ill such as "a detoxification procedure called oral chelation". Now, I don't know what the hell chelation is, but "chela" is a lobster's claw according to Mr. Webster. Oh yeah, and Mr. Webster also says that "terminal" means "you are going to fucking D-I-E" (OK, so I paraphrased).

Now, some of you folks out there might seem surprised that Mrs. King died in some freak hospital. But, living in Atlanta some of us are lucky enough to get the local news stories involving her illustrious children. That's right, Dexter and Martin III are like Tweedle Dee and Tweedle Dumber. The way these two fight, you'd think they were two years old. Dexter even lives in California because that's the farthest away from his big brother that he can get without needing a visa. Not only do they bicker and squabble, but they absolutely piss away all the money they earn for doing NOTHING except owning the King Center. Just last month, they said they were going to have to sell the King Center to the City of Atlanta because they were so broke. What a joke.

Atlanta also made national news with a story about what some idiot coined "McMansions". If you don't know, a McMansion is a "supersized home" and they're building them like crazy in all these historic neighbourhoods in Atlanta and folks are getting miffed. See, back in the late '80s and early '90s, folks flocked to the suburbs because Blackie in the City was bad. These folks generally were white, conservative, Bible-thumping, and rich. When they got out to the 'burbs, they built these massive 7-8,000 square foot houses and had lots of land. Well, here we are, a decade later and it now takes these same white, rich, conservative Bible-thumpers about two hours to get from their house in Cartersville to Atlanta (roughly 35 miles).

So Whitey has decided to move back to the City. However, whitey still wants their 7-8,00 square foot house, but they want it in the "it" neighbourhoods - Virginia Highland, Lake Clair, Morningside. These are places that were established in the late 1800s and consist of 3 bedroom, 2 bath craftsman bungalows. OK, so Whitey buys one of these bungalows, but instead of moving in, they raize it and build one of their 7-8,000 square foot houses. Something like this...




Now, here's where I have a problem. Although I think people should be able to build their own homes the way they want them, who the fuck needs a 8,000 square-foot house with a four car garage, especially in a neighbourhood where every other house is a 1,100 square foot house with off-street parking? So enough folks screamed and Shirley put pen to paper and issued a temporary moratorium on this type of construction. Well, developers are going nuts and - get this - so is our neighbourhood association. Unlike the hoity-toity neighbourhoods, mine wants developers to build these monster mansions to attract the "right kind of people". Correct me if I'm wrong, but the people who can afford McMansions are not going to live in a neigbourhood that has crack dealers on the corner every minute of the day. Oh well, everyone is going to duke it out tomorrow at City Council chambers tomorrow. Go figure, my buddy, Carla, will chair the event. Should be a good show, though, and it will get me out of work for a couple of hours. What a joke.