Demons and Monsters

Everyone has at least one who haunts them. I have several, of which I confidently know I have whopped ass upon, only to beat all but ... well, several. Not that it should indicate any mass will power on my part, it's more understanding the consequences of my bad decisions. As any physicist will tell you, "For every action, there is and equal and opposite re-action". Some folks don't get this concept. Some folks fail to understand the gift of "free will" and the idea that we have been given a chance that some do not get. And it really is a gift if you are patient enough to truly understand what this means.

I am currently getting some "vibe" that things are not going well with my uncle/friend, and I, therefore, think that he cannot control those demons. I'm sad to say, I don't think he's alive anymore, which will mean he has allowed his demons to take him away from my family - and MOST importantly - away from me.

I told him over the holidays that I would not sink with him if he continued to treat himself and his family with such contempt. I got the message when I started sinking too much, but he's damn near the bottom of the ocean and he still doesn't get it. And there are some in my family that will still try to keep him from sinking and will ultimately drown with him. Maybe I'm just upset about those who I think will sink with them and I can sympathize with them. I, on the other hand, can empathize with where he is, I just can't make him do the right thing... hence, the concept of free will. When someone you love makes choices that are not conducive to "living", then I think you should cut them free. God, it really is hard, but the psycho-folk say that this is the "Non-enabler" approach. I think labeling such a thing is asinine. It really is all about survival of the fittest and I can't, won't, ever risk my sanity for anyone else. What good would you be if you let yourself sink to the bottom with the person who doesn't want to be rescued in the first place? This is a prime example as to why the "two birds, one stone" concept is not applicable to families.

My older brother is suicidal - give or take - day to day. I told him the same thing I told my uncle over the holidays. Step up or step down, but stop trying to drag everyone down with you. I suppose that attitude would insite a "selfish" attitude on my part, but there really is a time and place for selfishness, and if this makes me a selfish person, so be it. Better than trying to bring someone out of the depths of hell when you fight every day to keep yourself out of that same hell. Everyone has their own demons and monsters. I have greeted mine with contempt, anger, disgust, and remorse, and I STILL have demons and monsters to deal with. However, I think that if someone wants to die, it is their choice - albeit how selfish it is. Funny, folks that I talk to that say, "How can you find someone suicidal 'selfish'?" I say, "If you blow your fucking brains off, how do you think the rest of us will feel with the loss that we (non-suicidial folks) feel as we are left behind to clean up the mess???" Suicide is a part of free will - the same free will God gives everyone - but do you really think God is going to open the pearly gates to someone who has taken their gift of life so carelessly? Just look at what happens in the world EVERY fucking second - Sudan, Ethiopia, China, etc. How bad do you think you really have it???

If things really looks that bad, watch the nightly news and see. Compared to 82% of the world, we scumbags have it made. Therefore, address your demons, call up your monsters, and have a good ol' chat. I somehow was able to do this with drugs, cigarrettes, and other demons, but it really does come down to if you are willing to fight those demons and monsters. I tell you, it is a struggle for me, especially when I'm with people who do those drugs, et al., but I respect the consquences of my actions. Most of the time, I don't pull through in that I really want what ever drugs etc. are available, but as my uncle said, "So, you just say 'NO'?"

Yup, because if I had done that line of pure blow with you that night, I'd be some crack whore screwing some West Indians so I could score another hit. Sorry, my friend, that is not the life I think God intended me to have and I have the experience to know that if I had done that brilliant line of coke with you, I would not be here today.

I hope that those who are haunted by demons and monsters can find the strenght to "just say, "NO". Much easier said than done - another lesson that only comes from experience and true knowledge of the addition and consequenes - i.e., for every action there is an equal and opposite reaction.

To my uncle/friend, I truly hope you will stick around. YOU are so special to me that I don't want any of this to be your epitath.