See this kitten?
He's dead because some stupid-ass zookeeper fucked up. How wrong is that?
I hope the bitch rots in hell and I prey kitty is eatin' fat-n-happy behind the pearly gates.
What does Carlos Mencia say? "Why did the tiger scratch me?? Because he's a fucking TIGER!"
Too bad the leopard didn't eat this asshole...
I've forgotten to breathe - I'm talking the inhale/outhale shit that all of us have to do. It's just GONE. But the doc put me on killer meds that make my pulse rate run about 95 sitting down. I asked him if I was going to have a stroke at 37, but he said more likely a heart attack - thanks, Doc.
First Trip to Florida - overall... good. Man, did that boy trash the place. The bonus being that his furniture works in Daddy's house and the piece of artwork that FreakBoy left behind looks killer in my dining room.
The scum-sucking-shitball-methhead-pedophiliac moved out of Mother's. I guess several letters threatening him with eviction weren't enough. However, after a rather LOUD discussion with Big Joe over Christmas, the asshole was out the door. It's really odd to clean up a place where a stranger lived for so long and to legally go through their shit. What an oddball, nutsack this cat was. Stories of this wacko will be legendary. Man, did that boy trash the place. And, he left in such a hurry, he left clothes in the dryer AND the washing machine. GO JOE!
I will say that when you go through someone's shit --- you will know more about them than they know about themselves. That being said, that Mega-MoeRon-Assholio still begs me to ask the question: what the FUCK were you doing, Man????? I've worked at GA Tech for almost 13 years ---- I've seen it all -- or so I thought, but Christ. I'm still trying to figure your sorry ass out.
You were/are addicted to something.
I thought it was meth or ice. I'm not so sure now.
Then I thought booze, but I'm addicted to that shit and I'd leave traces behind.
Trip home - not so good. We got totally lost in the complete dark in a shithole called Palm Coast. Actually, it turned out to be a really nice place once the sun came up and we could see, but Florida has something against streetlights and when you've been busting your ass for 18 hours straight, you're in no mood to tour a dark, dank resort town.
When we got to the condo, it happened to be right next to a construction site. I guess the site had some drainage problems because about 20 meters outside my door was a massive 700 Hp pump, running at full speed. I was so tired the first night, I just crashed and ignored it, but the second day - well, that's when I made the critical decision... kill the pump and toss the key into the swamp.
That was a good, peaceful sleep. I can still see those sheep.
Maybe I shouldn't have thrown the key into the swamp considering we got about 3 inches of rain Sunday morning, but FUCK 'EM. It was too godamn loud and I needed to sleep. Me-me-me.
Sadly, I didn't latch the door on the truck so two of the leaves to the dining room table are somewhere in splinters on I-95. Oh, and a note to self - if you try to re-screw legs on a completely round dining room table, lay it down. If the fucking thing weighs 60 lbs AND it's round, setting it on it's side is not the brightest thing to do. It will rolllllllllll. I can assure you. It's rounddddddd. Jesus, sometime I even impress myself with my stupidity. I almost squashed a cat.
Guess who likes the colour green? Guess who also likes the "Georgia" font? Guess who's been playing with the new blog format? Never give a child a new toy and not expect said toy to be completely trashed in five minutes.
One more trip to Florida, two more trips to Augusta. Then the Master's, then California. Keeps me from getting bored. If I can't rent the house out this year, I'll probably just go to the stupid tournament anyway even though I'm really too old to drink gallons of beer and sit my ass on Hole 16 anymore. Kim won't be able to go because she will be the mother of #4 on St. Patty's Day, Brande can't go 'cause she has to teach, Stephie is AWOL, but I don't think she wants to come back to Augusta since her parents passed. Of course, there is always a Boatwright or a Leonard around to play with --- but again, I really am too old for this shit anymore.
Speaking of Daddy's house, what the hell is the point in owning such a big house and only living in 3 rooms? All the doors need replacing, the carpet is crap, the appliances and kitchen floor should be nuked. All in a day's work. Actually, I'm seriously running out of gas. Maybe it's better that I can't find a renter. That way, I can take my time. Ah, karma will tell.
Then there was the Oscars. My favourite time. I always spend the week before racing out to see all the I can. "The Departed", "The Prestige" (damn, that Christian Bale is a gift from the heavens), "The Devil Wears Prada" (Meryl Streep is one of the coolest actresses out there even though it ain't that tough to play a bitch - I should know. But THE BEST MOVIE ALL YEAR... drumroll, please...
"Pan's Labryinth"
Sadly, it did not win for best foreign language film. I saw it Sunday and as far as I'm concerned, it should have won for best film. Yeah, OK, so it won all the other weinie awards, but that was THE most haunting movie I have seen in ????? I knew this would be an intense movie, but D-A-M-N. I'm still having nightmares. I'm glad Scorsese won for the first time, although "The Departed" shouldn't have been too tough to direct considering the fucking cast. Besides, it really wasn't a big surprise when Lucas, Speilberg, and Coppella showed up to present the fucking award.
Here are my Oscar bits:
Best Award: Al Gore for "Inconvenient Truth". Hell, he could win the Presidency if he ran today. Anyone would pick him over Hillary or Obama, especially when you have rednecks running around saying shit like, "I ain't gonna vote for nobody who's gotta name that sounds like Osama". Please GIVE me a fucking break.
Best Song: Melissa Ethridge. She's just about as cool as it gets and considering the song was the theme to an "Inconvenient Truth", well, 'nuff said.
Best Host since Robin Williams: Ellen. She did a great job. It was never a boring show.
Best Looking Chicka:
The girl finally dumped that scum-sucking pig and now she rules. You go, Girl.
Dumbiest dress: Well it's a toss up, here.
What the fuck is with the Cat-in-the-hat bow tie thing? I only have one question, "why"?
I guess I have another question... where does one find a pink duck?
Man who most needs to have my child:
Who's that fat chick he's with? Just kidding. Somebody should throw her a twinkie. Besides, if this boy isn't available, I'll suffer with Mark Wahlberg. Yeah, he used to call himself Markie-Mark, but I used to have yellow hair. We all make mistakes.
Best joke: Steve Carrell and Greg Kinnear cracking on sex. Maybe it wasn't all that funny, but if you aren't getting any then a joke about sex is really a joke.
Enough about the Oscars: Also in the news... Anna Nicole Smith needs to be pushing up daisies somewhere. Now that's a joke. Oh and speaking of dead losers, if I hear anymore shit about Britney Spears, she's be pushing up daisies.
Oh, and if a suicide bomber can kill 100 people in one day in Baghdad, what's so hard about killing one vice-president asshole in Pakistan? Oh, yeah, and Pakistan is our friend. Smeagle says, no trixie, no trixie.
Speaking of Smeagle, AmberGrace finally went to the doctor yesterday and he seems to think her neurosis is actually hyperthyroidism. If the blood panel proves that then I might not have to commit myself. The doctor said that if she does have hyperthyroidism, it's the most extreme case he's ever seen and he wants to video tape it. I told him he could keep her for a long as he wanted.
Tax time is coming and I'm looking forward to re-scheduling the Los Roques sailing trip. Seven nights, floating around in a boat - no meowing cats, barking dogs, sirens, horns, rap music, bullet shots, train whistles. How the fuck am I going to sleep?
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