"New Rule: Since only 15% of Americans said they believe in evolution in a recent poll, America must change its name to the United States of Jesus Christ. And our motto, from E Pluribus Unum to "I'm With Stupid." The good news for the nation: if we get any stupider about science, we'll forget how to cook crystal meth."
I am so sick of hearing about this bullshit, Intellegent Design. Who the hell made that up? In certain areas of the deep south, some folks think even I.D. is too liberal an idea. After all, it's about the Good Laud pointing a finger and voila - in six days you got a universe. That seventh day was apparently designed for cocktails and bar-b-que. Now let me ask this question. If we aren't related in any way to certain primates, why do these two pictures look so disturbing?
Sorry, old joke, but you get my drift.
Oh, and on that Crystal Meth note. Does anyone remember the Brian Nichols debacle that Atlanta had to go through because the Fulton County Sherriff's office is full of chimps ---- oh, you did NOT go there. Anyway, the Tweety-bird who has been credited with saving Atlanta from the serial killer just published a book where she tells everyone that she gave Nichols meth on the night he "kidnapped" her. Now, this makes absolute sense to me. First, beg and plead with the judge at your custody hearing to keep your four-year-old daughter because you, "don't do no mo' drugs", then write a book telling the world how you just happened to have a couple of o-z's worth of meth in your apartment that you so generously gave to a serial killer. According to Ms. Tweety, "I didn't do any with him 'cause if he were gonna shoot me, I didn't want to meet my Maker with a snoot full of ice." Huuuuhhh? So, she was just keeping the meth in her apartment for visitors? I'm lucky if I have a beer and some pretzel sticks to share.
Enough of that. New rule: everyone should have a tattoo. I've got one and I'm thinking of another. Possibly
and 
One on each side of the hip. I was thinking of the lower lumbar, but a friend said that one hurts worse than the one I've got now on my ankle. Not into it for the pain, I tell you. Roomie said on each shoulder, but I think some family members would go bonko. We'll see.
New Rule: If you are a Section 8 loser and you live across the street from me, get used to the idea that I will call you a fucking pig every morning I have to pick trash out of my yard because you're too undereducated to find your own garbage can.
New Rule: If you drive a Delta 88 that is over 20 years old, the exhaust is leaking, the engine sounds like a jet plane and the tires are bald - don't play that bullshit hip hop music over about 1 decible as it probably sounds just as shitty to you in your car as it does me sitting next to you at a stop light. It does NOT make you cool.
More rules to follow as my day becomes increasingly more boring.
2 comments:
Did you actually go through with the tattoo idea?
Yup and they are totally cool. My mother is gonna killlllllll me!
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