In the News

Nice little opening ditty, which only promises to be apropos for a blog entitled "In the News"...



Ya Think?

According to CNN:

"A push to make Baghdad safer is being rethought after a "disheartening" surge of violence in recent weeks, a top U.S. military spokesman said today. The security plan -- a linchpin in the effort to restore law and order in Baghdad -- hasn't succeeded in lowering the violence in the capital, where attacks have increased during the Ramadan holy period. Officials now are intensively reviewing the plan, called Operation Together Forward."

Hmmm, I'm thinking more of something called, "Operation Get The Fuck Out of Iraq". I mean, over 2,800 Americans and only God knows how many Iraqis have been killed since the US invaded Iraq for their oil. Now, here we sit, oil prices higher and reserves lower than they were in 2003. When the rightwing, mindless, Republican rats start jumping their own ship, YA THINK we may want to reconsider our plan?



Katrina's Still Offin' Cajuns:

And these were whities, so again, nobody needs to pull the fucking race card. According to the AP:

"After Hurricane Katrina, Zackery Bowen and his girlfriend Adriane Hall appeared in news stories as examples of young people who had pressed on in the battered city despite evacuation orders and a lack of power and water.

Their story came to a disturbing end this week: Bowen leapt to his death from a hotel, leaving a note that led police to a French Quarter apartment where they found a woman's charred head on the stove, limbs in the oven and torso in the refrigerator.

Bowen's note said he had strangled and dismembered his girlfriend, but did not mention her name, police said Wednesday. Authorities said that because of the condition of the dismembered woman's body they could not immediately identify her. They were looking for Hall, however.

In the note, Bowen wrote: "I scared myself not by the action of calmly strangling the woman I've loved for one and a half years .... but by my entire lack of remorse," according to The Times-Picayune newspaper, which said it had obtained a copy of the note."

They still aren't sure why this guy apparently did what he did, but considering these two remained in the French Quarter before, during and the whole year and three months AFTER Katrina, I'm not sure I wouldn't go postal, either. Granted, I don't think I would have roasted my significant other, but again, who knows where your breaking point is?


Here We Go Again:

Just when you thought it was safe to go back to Mass and pray for your own forgiveness, Foley has figured out, through copious amounts of booze-free therapy, that a Catholic priest sexually assaulted him when he was a boy. Of course, the priest says he's not guilty because he didn't actually stick his woodie in Little Boy Foley --- he just played jerk the chicken with him. AND, even that didn't qualify as lewd and lascivious because Father Hard-on was high on tranquilizers. Besides, when a priest says you liked it, godammit, you liked it!

Shit, why didn't I think of that twenty years ago when I got my DUI? "Jeez, Judge, it wasn't my fault I got popped with that DUI! Hell, I was drunk. It was Jack Daniel's goddamn fault - talk to him!"



Dollar vs. Peso - The Irony:

The Washington Post reported that over 45 Billion (that would be Billion, with a B) dollars was sent by immigrants to Mexico and Central American countries, up a paltry 42 Billion (Billion with a B) dollars since 1980. Is it surprising that some dipshit international funding bank said the problem is that only about 3% of that money goes into the infrastructure of those countries? According to the bank, "Most of the money immigrant workers send to their families is used for basic needs, such as food, medicine and shelter". Well, for fuck sake, if the government won't pay to take care of its people, let the people come here, make the money and send it home. Sounds completely fair to me, especially since immigrants do the jobs my crackhead, welfare sucking neighbours won't do.



Another, YA THINK?:

This prick:



finally fessed up. According to a new Time.com interview, Cheney "admits he may have been "premature" in saying "we were over the hump in terms of violence" in Iraq.

No more needs to be said here, folks. This simply chaps my ass.

The only reason this is "news" is because it's the first time this raving idiot has "admitted" anything. He hasn't even really admitted he shot someone and most moe-rons have forgotten it anyway. I haven't...




Of course, Cheney wouldn't be the only one looking through the scope.



A Dog, A Cat, and A Gimp:

A Wisconsin woman was saved by her dog when her house caught fire. The woman, who lost a leg in an some accident, said the cat jumped on a coffee table and turned over a candle which caught some artificial plants on fire. The woman, who's lard ass was on the couch watching TV, didn't have on her artifical leg and couldn't get up. So Scooby grabs the leg and a phone and Gimpy hauls ass out of the house. Meanwhile, Scooby runs back in to save the cat and both animals buy the farm. Puts a new meaning on the term, "Crispy Critters".

I cannot count how many things really piss me off about this. Suffice it to say, I don't normally slam the handicapped, but when you're so fucking stupid as to have a candle on a table next to FAKE fucking plants, when you yourself have a FAKE fucking leg... News flash: You're not just physically handicapped, you're godamn retarded.


Speaking of Slams, and Getting Drunk, and Blaming Everyone but Yourself:


Bill Maher's New Rule: "New Rule: Mel Gibson can't do another major TV interview unless he's rip-roaring drunk. Mel, enough of this guy who talks about "healing" and explains why he's not a "monster," and how he feels "powerless" over everything. Sounds like someone's spent too much time in rehab listening to their Jew therapist.

Now, get your Nazi mojo back, Mr. Braveheart-and march back out there and call Diane Sawyer "sugar tits."



AND, Just To End on A Happy Note:

More from Bill Maher's latest -

And finally, New Rule: If you think the worst thing Congress doesn't protect young people from is Mark Foley, then wake up and smell the burning planet. The - the ice caps are cracking, the coral reefs are bleaching, and our poisoned groundwater has turned spinach into a "side dish of mass destruction." Read the labels on your food. It turns out the healthiest thing you can put in your body is Mark Foley's penis.

But that's America for you: a red herring culture, always scared by the wrong things. The fact is, there are a lot of creepy, middle-aged men out there lusting for your kids. They work for MTV, the pharmaceutical industry, McDonald's, Marlboro, and K Street.

And recently, there's been a rash of strangers making their way onto school campuses and targeting your children for death. They're called military recruiters. More young Americans were crippled in Iraq last month than any month in the last two years. And the scandal is that Mark Foley wants to show them a good time before they go?

When will our closeted gay congressmen learn, our boys aren't for pleasure, they're for cannon fodder? Why aren't Democrats and the media hammering away every day about who we're supposed to be fighting for over there, and what the plan is? Yes, Mark Foley was wrong to ask teenagers how long their penis was. But at least someone on Capitol Hill was asking questions.

You know who else is grabbing your kids at too young an age? Merck, Pfizer and GlaxoSmithKline. By convincing you that your kids are depressed, hyperactive or suffering from ADD. In the last decade, the number of children prescribed anti-psychotic drugs in America increased by over 400%. Which means either that our children are going insane-which we might look on as a problem-or more likely, we have, for profit, created a nation of little junkies.

So, stop with the righteous indignation about predators. This whole country is trying to get inside your kid's pants, because that's where he keeps his wallet.

I don't care - I don't care if Mark Foley had been asking boys to describe their penis because I have some sad news for you: your kid is so larded out on Cheetohs and YooHoo, he can't even see his penis. So many of our kids are fat drug addicts nowadays, it's almost as if Rush Limbaugh had puppies!

So we can pretend that the biggest threat to our children is some creep on the Internet, or we can admit it's us. Because when your son can't find France on a map, or touch his toes with his hands, or understand that the ads on TV are lying, including the one where the Marine turns into Lancelot-then the person fucking him...is you.

AMEN