Reflections on Birthdays

1st - if you're born early (that's still a debatable subject with my parents), you should not be punished the whole month.

2nd - if the first thing you do on the morning of your birthday is step in cat diarrhea, the gods are having a lunch break and don't give a shit about you.

3rd - if the next thing you do is begin to call the insect that lives in your kitchen by a real name - seek help immediately. I'll introduce you to "Cricket" once his quivering body is swirling down in the john.

4th - Never go see a lawyer on your birthday, regardless of how cool she actually seems to be. She still requires a $2,500 retainer.

5th - Never go to a sportsbar with your gay friend. I promise, they will drink you under the table AND you still won't get laid...

... but it was well worth it!

6th - When a female says "birthday", I don't want a new cell phone (thanks for the thought, y'all). I want candy, flowers, and perfume. Come on, people. That's not that hard.

7th - Thanks for the candy, flowers, and perfume - I'm glad y'all got the text messages that dropped hints like atom bombs.

Considering this time last year I was landing in Shannon, Ireland, running four miles a day and completely (almost) healthy.... well, I'm not sure I would call it progress, just the natural "progression" of time.

Besides, it's not my fault I was born on May 23rd. I was early for the first time - ever. But think about it. Any earlier, I'd be a Taurus, any later and I'd still be a schizoid-Gemini.

My Eternal Thanks!
Signed,
Total Geezer.


PS If I say the word, "Figi" or "Los Roques" right now, 364 days before my next birthday, can someone please get the hint and start planning NOW!?! Shit it's not like I'm asking for world peace or any such elaborate thing!